Season of Change
by OhBuddy66
Summary: Kensi backs out of the trip to Mammoth with Deeks, among other things, which sets a string of events in motion that will eventually lead them right back to each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing having to do with NCIS Los Angeles or NCIS. **

**I'M LISTING THIS CHAPTER AS RATED M JUST TO BE SAFE.**

**Author's note: Scrooge. Yep, that's who I feel like right now – maybe that's where this came from. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy the way Humbug turned out. I agree with some comments I've read that maybe it was too soon, or a little too easy. Nothing is ever easy with these two crazy kids, though, is it? What if Humbug would have gone down and continued like this…**

Kensi had fretted from the second she agreed to go snowboarding with Deeks. Her stomach was in knots. She knew she and Deeks had something special, but she was so afraid of it going any further. She knew it was selfish of her to expect Deeks to keep waiting for her to be ready when she honestly didn't know if she ever would be. Even he had reservations after she came back from Afghanistan, although she knew it had more to do with Angelo than anything else. He was just working through it. She sensed he was getting closer to giving their thing another go and it was scaring the hell out of her. In her confused state she had decided maybe it was best if they just stayed friends and partners. It hurt, but she thought there was no other way. Now, as he took her hands in his and guided her around the rink, she just had to tell him. Before she could start, he let her go and she grabbed the rail to stop herself.

"Come here!" she called after him as he skated off, leaving her along the railing. "Deeks!"

He swooped back in, skidding to a halt in front of her. He looked at her with those beautiful blue eyes she gets lost in, which made it even harder for her to begin. She just stared back, not able to speak.

"What's going on? You're freaking me out." he asked her anxiously.

She looked at her feet for a second, taking a breath. "Oh my gosh. Um… Deeks, uh…about Mammoth and snowboarding. After thinking about it, I… I don't think I'm gonna be able…actually, I don't think I should go." She stammered.

"What? But why?" Deeks asked, shocked.

She shook her head and smiled sweetly up at him, "I can't do this anymore, Deeks."

"You can't do what, Kensi?" he asked, completely lost as to why she was acting like this.

"Us, Deeks. You're my partner, my best friend. I can't tell you how much that means…how much you mean to me. I can't lose that, Deeks." She blew out a breath and then looked away from him.

Deeks stood there looking at her. "Why would you lose that by going snowboarding with me?"

"It's not just that. I mean our thing…if I go with you, we are going to be tempted… It will just complicate things, Deeks. I know you think the same thing. I know I asked you to be patient with me…and, and you have been. Maybe a little too patient." She chuckled then, but there was no humor in it. She looked him in the eyes again. He just shook his head slowly, not understanding where this was coming from.

"Kens, I'm sorry if I seem to have been dragging my feet, but please believe me when I tell you...I am all in with you. Yes, it will be complicated. Don't you think it'll be worth it, though?" Deeks questioned softly.

"Not if it doesn't work out, Deeks. Like I said, I can't lose you. I need you in my life and if...if this" she motioned between themselves "if this gets messed up...if we screw it up by becoming more than what we are right now and it doesn't work, then what?" she asked.

"What if this is not enough for me, Kens? What about me? Don't my feelings count, too?" he asked, fighting the hurt and anger he was feeling.

She shook her head slowly, "I'm sorry, Deeks. I...I just can't, OK?" she pleaded.

"Don't do this to me, Kens. Please." Deeks looked at her, hoping she would change her mind. She looked at him one last time before turning and pulling herself along the railing to the opening at the edge of the rink. "Please, Kensi!" Deeks called after her.

She sat down on the bench and began pulling her skates off. She glanced up at him quickly before turning back to pull on her boots. She straightened her jeans down over her boots and then looked back to Deeks. He was gone. She scanned the crowd on the ice but he was nowhere to be found. She sighed. As she sat there she noticed Sam and his whole family laughing and having a good time. Over in the corner, Joelle seemed to be giving G a second chance. Kensi smiled softly, glad that maybe Callen had finally found someone.

Deeks sat in his truck. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel in frustration. He leaned his head back and thought about everything. His head was spinning and his chest hurt. Just then he saw Kensi walking to her SRX down the street. She was walking slowly, her hands in her coat pockets. He could tell she was upset, too. He took a deep breath and held it, then let it out slowly. She got in and drove away. He pulled his cell out and dialed a number, then started his truck and headed for his apartment.

* * *

><p>Later that evening Deeks decided to go see Kensi. He drove to her apartment. As he was pulling in he saw her getting in a cab. She was wearing a dress and heels. She hadn't seen him. The cab pulled away and Deeks decided to follow, hoping maybe she had a change of heart and had gotten all dressed up for him, but that didn't make sense because she knew he should be on his way to Mammoth. That point was proven quickly when the cab headed in the opposite direction of Deeks' place. Curious now and more than a little upset, he continued to follow. The cab wound its way through traffic to a club downtown. He knew this place. Nell had admitted to Deeks some time ago that this was where Kensi always used to come when she was looking for a date for the night. That was before she and Deeks got close and started spending all their time together. His heart sank. Apparently she was wasting no time at all in getting some random guy to take her back to his place to work out all the pent up tension. He couldn't let that happen. He found a place to park where he could keep an eye on the door. It was just over an hour later when he saw Kensi come out. She was hanging on the arm of some guy. As luck would have it, they were walking right towards Deeks. He slowly got out of his truck and waited for them to get closer. As they approached he could hear the guy telling Kensi what he was going to do to her when they got back to his place. Kensi just leaned into his side closer and laughed. He knew this was how Kensi acted before they became partners, but he had never witnessed it. He was no angel before either, but this was not easy for him seeing her this way. They were very close now. Deeks stepped out from his truck.<p>

"Kensi? What are you doing?" he asked as he reached out to her.

"Who the hell are you?" Kensi's companion yelled at him. "Get your hands off my date. And her name is Kelly, asshole!"

Deeks looked at Kensi. She wouldn't meet his gaze. "Kensi, why are you doing this? This is not who you are!"

She looked at him finally, and for a moment Deeks thought she was going to tell the guy to get lost, but then she did the unthinkable. "My name is Kelly, you must be mistaking me for somebody else."

Deeks grabbed her arm. "Kensi, I don't know what you think you're doing, but you're making a big mistake. Please don't do this. Please."

Deeks was so torn about seeing Kensi like this he didn't see the punch coming until it was too late. The guy she was with had a nasty right, and it fully connected with the corner of Deeks' mouth. Immediately he could taste blood. The hit stunned him and he let go of Kensi's arm. She gasped, her eyes were wide as she watched Deeks stumble and hold his jaw. It was the same jaw Sidorov had rearranged for him. The same jaw Kensi had punched him in.

"I told you to keep your hands to yourself, prick. Now get the hell out of here before I really beat your ass!" Kensi's date grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. As they walked away from Deeks he heard him say to her, "Come on sweetheart, let's get you home and out of that dress."

Deeks rubbed his jaw and spat a mouthful of blood at the curb. He thought about approaching them again, but decided against it. Kensi had made her choice clear to him. He climbed back in his truck, pulled his cell out and dialed. "Het..Hetty? Sorry to bother you this late. Can...can we talk? Great. I'll meet you at the boatshed in twenty minutes then. Thanks." He ran his hand through his hair and started the truck. He drove away and didn't look back.

* * *

><p>Kensi let her date open the passenger side door for her and she slipped into the seat. She tried to focus on him, but all she kept seeing was the hurt in Deeks' eyes when he realized what she was doing. He wasn't supposed to be there. She was angry that he had followed her. Obviously he had or he wouldn't have known where she was. He should have been well on his way to Mammoth by now. Why couldn't he just leave it be? He was so determined and stubborn.<p>

The driver's side door opened, breaking her train of thought. She looked to the man who slid into the seat next to her. He was smiling, his eyes roaming up and down her body. She smiled back weakly. "What's the matter, baby, did I scare you back there when I punched that loser?"

She tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind that made sense. Paul, at least she thinks that's what he said his name was, started the car and pulled out of the lot. As they drove she couldn't stop thinking about Deeks. He deserved someone better than her. She was too messed up. Why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't he just be happy being her partner, having her back at work and doing things together as friends away from work?

"You OK over there, sweetie?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Kensi replied, starting to get a little annoyed at the pet names Paul was using.

Paul reached over and put his hand on her leg. Kensi tensed a bit, not expecting his touch. "Calm down, babe. You're really wound up tight, aren't you?" Paul chuckled. His hand slid down to the hem of her dress slowly. His fingers moved from the fabric to her skin. She glanced over at him. He was looking at her, a huge grin on his face. When she did nothing to stop him, he let his fingers trail down lower to the inside of her thigh. She took a breath. She thought this was what she needed. Some random guy to work her over in bed to help release the stress. It was what she had always done before, although she always felt like shit after. All the first dates. It was just sex. It meant nothing, and usually she was more frustrated afterwards due to the fact that the men she picked up only cared about themselves. She'd end up taking care of herself later. She blew the breath out she was holding as Paul's fingers slid the hem of her dress higher up her thigh. She closed her eyes and she heard Paul groan a little as he got closer to what he was after. Encouraged by the lack of resistance, Paul pulled the dress up the rest of the way quickly and began working his fingers under her thin panties. Deeks popped into her mind again and she gasped slightly. Paul grunted, thinking her reaction was to what he was doing to her. Kensi began breathing heavier, but not with desire for Paul. She was remembering that one night she and Deeks had shared before she was sent away. How gentle he had been with her. How much he showed he cared about her, not worrying about his own needs at all, but only wanting to please her. Not even Jack had given her that much attention. Paul was getting dangerously close to hitting her little bundle of nerves at this point. In that split second before his fingers found the spot she realized how very wrong this was.

"Stop!" she yelled as she grabbed his hand and pulled it out from between her legs.

"What's wrong, baby?" Paul asked, confused. "I just wanted to get you warmed up a bit before we get to my place." he reasoned with her.

She shook her head from side to side. "No, it's not gonna happen! I'm making a mistake being here with you. Stop the car." Kensi exclaimed.

"Kelly, come on, babe! I'm ready to go here." he pointed at the tent he was pitching in his Dockers.

"No, uh-uh. Stop the car right now. Let me out!" Kensi said forcefully.

"We're almost to my place, sweetheart. Believe me, it won't be a mistake. You'll be begging me for mercy once you feel my... Fuck that hurts! What the hell are you doing, you crazy bitch?! Let go!" Paul all but screamed as Kensi squeezed his family jewels through his pants.

"I said stop the car and let me out. Do it. Now! Or these are coming with me when I leave." she said very calmly. He looked at her as she leaned towards him. He saw the fierceness in her eyes and immediately pulled to the side of the street.

"OK, OK. Here, I'm stopping!" he cried as he put the car in park. She let go of him and opened her door. Without a word or look back she got out and slammed it shut, walking back the way they had come. Paul yelled some derogatory remark at her as he pulled away, spinning the tires as he went.

Kensi straightened her dress and pulled her cell phone out. She dialed Deeks' number. She needed to fix this, and quickly. "Come on, Deeks...please pick up." she willed him to answer. After several rings it kicked to voicemail. "Dammit." she muttered under her breath. She tried again with the same result. It was ringing so that meant his phone was on. Then it dawned on her maybe he was on the phone with somebody else, or maybe he was trying to call her. She kept walking, waiting for him to call her back. The call never came. She didn't think he would ignore her call, but maybe what she had been about to do was too much for him. She saw a cab approaching and she flagged it down. She gave the driver her address and tried Deeks' number again. This time it did go straight to voicemail. She sat there watching traffic as the cabbie drove her back to her apartment. The whole way there she was worried sick she had ruined any chance at all of working through her fears with Deeks. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been to not see it all along. She belonged with Deeks. The look on his face, especially when she told him he was mistaking her for somebody else...she might as well have literally plunged a knife into his heart and twisted it with her own hands. Then she remembered the punch he took. The fact it was the same side of his face Sidorov had mangled, and the one she had punched that one morning when he didn't take the shot, was not lost on her. She hoped he was OK. Ashamed of herself for what she had almost done, she ran inside once the cab pulled up outside her apartment. She changed quickly into a pair of jeans and a sweater. Pulling her boots back on, she ran to her SRX and drove straight to Deeks' place.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Deeks, are you sure this is what you want to do?" Hetty asked her liaison again.<p>

Deeks sighed, nodding yes. She looked at the screen where Director Vance was waiting. She nodded her acceptance.

"Detective Deeks, we look forward to your arrival. Someone will meet you at the airport. If I had to guess I would say it will be Ms. Sciuto. We'll see you when you get here." Vance nodded off screen and it went black.

"Thanks, Hetty. I appreciate this." Deeks said quietly.

She took a deep breath before looking at him, "I'm sorry this has happened, Mr. Deeks. I thought for sure you two would have figured things out by now."

Deeks huffed out a small, humorless laugh. "One would think so, yeah?" He looked at his boss, pursing his lips before looking away. He nervously brushed his hand through his hair. "Well, I better get to the airport. Thanks again for pulling some strings and getting me on that flight."

She smiled up at him, "You're quite welcome, Mr. Deeks. Enjoy your time in DC, we'll see you back here in a few days."

Deeks laughed genuinely this time. "Merry Christmas, Hetty." he offered as he walked towards the door.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Deeks." she waved after him as he left. She sighed, pulling Deeks' apartment keys out of her pocket. She promised him she would take care of Monty. She figured now was as good a time as any to go pick him up. She made the drive to his apartment in short order, noticing the SRX pass in the other direction. She was positive that it was Kensi. She smiled at the thought. Apparently Mr. Deeks had gotten through to her after all and she had abandoned her "date". She almost felt bad for the woman. She knew Ms. Blye would spend the next four days or so looking for her partner, wanting to make things right with him. Monday morning would be interesting to say the least.

She unlocked Deeks' door and stepped inside. She reached out and flipped the light switch. Monty came running. She rubbed the dog behind his ears. "You'll be staying with me, Monty. Mr. Deeks has gone away for a while." Monty barked once and sat down at her feet. Hetty glanced around his apartment quickly, admiring how clean and orderly it was compared to the last time she had been there. That's when she saw his cell phone laying on his coffee table. "What's this, Mr. Deeks?" she asked incredulously. She shook her head, not happy that he had abandoned his phone. Ms. Blye, she knew, would be calling and texting him all weekend long.

"Bugger." Hetty said aloud. Monty tipped his head at her, as if trying to understand what she was saying. Monday morning was going to be interesting, indeed...

_**TBC**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: Just borrowing my favorite characters. I own nothing having to do with NCIS Los Angeles or NCIS...**

**Chapter 2**

"Hetty? I _knew_ that was you I passed a few blocks away! What are you doing here?" Kensi questioned as she appeared in the doorway to Deeks' apartment.

"Ms. Blye, how nice to see you." Hetty greeted her with more meaning behind the words than Kensi understood at the moment. "I'm picking Monty up. I offered to take care of him for Mr. Deeks." Hetty spoke nonchalantly.

Kensi looked at her quizzically, "But why? Deeks is taking him to Mammoth to snowboard for the holiday weekend."

Hetty gave a slight, knowing smile to her junior agent. "Uh, huh. Yes, well, it seems Mr. Deeks had a sudden change in plans, Ms. Blye. You wouldn't happen to know why that would be, would you my dear?" Hetty smiled up at Kensi.

Kensi dropped her gaze to the floor. She felt her face turn a heated shade of red. She knew right then Deeks had been talking with Hetty about what happened earlier. There was no point in trying to hide it, but she made a feeble attempt anyway.

"Um...maybe?" she looked at her boss, who just raised an eyebrow curiously as she waited for Kensi to continue. "Ok, yes...I, I know." Kensi admitted quietly as Hetty said nothing, just stood there looking at Kensi with that stare nobody liked being on the receiving end of. "Hetty, I really messed up." Kensi finally confessed.

"Please continue, Ms. Blye. I'm all ears, as they say." Hetty smiled.

"He...he asked me to go with him to Mammoth. I told him yes. But the more I thought about it...about spending four days alone with him with no interruptions...I...I panicked, Hetty. I backed out at the last minute...and...um, on top of that I told him we should just remain friends and partners...and...and I really can't believe I'm telling you all this." Kensi realized how much she was admitting to her boss and clammed up.

"Ms. Blye, you needn't hide your feelings for Mr. Deeks from me. As long as you can keep your personal lives separate from your work I have no issues with you two being together. Did you think I would punish either one of you for making each other happy?" she asked incredulously. "You _both_ deserve happiness, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, I...we...were scared we would be split up, or we would rui..." Kensi paused. "Yes, we both deserve to be happy, I see that now, but...but earlier this evening I was so confused and upset, I...I fell right back into...an old habit, and somehow Deeks knew. He confronted me and I acted like I didn't know him." Kensi shook her head slowly. "The look on his face, Hetty. I really hurt him..." Kensi dropped her gaze from her boss to the floor again."Is he OK?" Kensi asked worriedly.

"If you're referring to his bruised jaw, then yes. He will be fine. Sore, but no permanent damage. His heart, though...that is another matter entirely." Kensi's shoulders sagged at that revelation. Hetty hooked the leash to Monty's collar. "Come along, Monty. Good night, Ms. Blye. I'll assume you'll lock up when you leave?" Hetty said as she moved towards the door.

"Wait!" Kensi demanded, stepping in front of the tiny woman. "What did he tell you, Hetty? Please, I have to know if I can fix this...fix us." Kensi begged.

Hetty looked Kensi in the eyes for a few moments, seeing the fear and remorse in them, she sighed and dropped her head. "That is a subject for you two to figure out on your own. Mr. Deeks has always had your back, Ms. Blye. He is a very strong man, as you well know, but everyone has their breaking point." She paused, not sure how much more she should reveal.

"Um...where uh...where _is_ Deeks?" Kensi stammered, suddenly realizing Deeks must still be going _somewhere _if Hetty agreed to watch Monty.

"Because I know you will drive yourself mad this weekend not being able to reach him" Hetty motioned to his phone on the coffee table, "and because I know how much he is hurting because of..._what_ he _thinks_ you are doing this evening, I will tell you this" she checked her watch, "he is on a flight to DC right now."

"He...he is going to DC? What is he, uh...why is he going there?" Kensi asked nervously, tilting her head to one side while she fidgeted with her hair.

Hetty smiled softly, holding up her hand. "He will be back on Monday just like the rest of you. He will be accompanying Ms. Sciuto tomorrow, helping serve meals at the shelter she volunteers at. When he found out Mr. Deeks was coming, Leon invited him to spend a couple days in the office there with Jethro and his team before flying back on Sunday. They are trying to wrap up a case and are working all weekend."

"I don't understand, Hetty. How did he end up going to DC instead of Mammoth?" Kensi asked, genuinely confused.

Not wanting to add to Kensi's guilt, but wanting to let her know the state of mind her partner was in, Hetty conceded, "Ms. Blye, when I met with Mr. Deeks earlier" Hetty thought carefully before continuing, "let's just say he was lost, shall we? He had already canceled his Mammoth reservation by the time we spoke. He needed something to keep his mind busy. I know Ms. Sciuto volunteers just like Mr. Deeks does. Since he missed this evening's service here I thought maybe he would like to assist her tomorrow at hers. When I suggested it, he agreed. I made a couple calls. Mr. Deeks is on a private jet with an old pilot friend of mine who was heading back east anyway." Hetty explained.

Kensi stood there letting what Hetty said sink in. Deeks was on his way to Washington. He had left his phone. He was alone, believing Kensi was with some stranger letting him do God knows what to her. It made her shudder when she thought of Paul touching her instead of Deeks. She shook her head slightly, wondering how she could be so stupid to have even entertained that thought, let alone almost go through with it. After the last few years this was finally shaping up to be the best Christmas ever, for both of them, and now it would go down as one of the worst - except this time, it was all on her. A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away.

"Could I, um...can you leave Monty with me, Hetty? Please?" Kensi asked, her voice breaking.

Hetty smiled softly, "Of course, Ms. Blye. I think Monty would enjoy your company." she said as she handed the leash over to Kensi.

"Thanks, Hetty." Kensi whispered.

"Merry Christmas, my dear." Hetty said gently as she turned and stepped out of Deeks' apartment.

Kensi wiped another tear before it could fall, "Merry Christmas." she replied to her boss as she closed the door behind her. She leaned against the inside of the door. Monty sat at her feet staring up at her. She couldn't contain the tears any longer and she let them fall freely now. Monty whined and stood up as Kensi sobbed into the crook of her arm, letting her tears soak into the sleeve of her sweater. Several minutes later Kensi was able to get her emotions under control. She took Monty out and walked him so he could take care of business. She decided as she waited for Monty to finish up that she was going to spend the night at Deeks' place. If she couldn't be with Deeks she figured she would at least wake up Christmas morning in his bed. With the exception of Monty, she would be alone again on Christmas. She hoped that once Deeks came back they would be able to work things out. Maybe she would try to reach him at Gibbs' office. It was with that thought she climbed under the covers and snuggled into Deeks' pillow, letting his scent calm her. Monty jumped up and curled into her side. It wasn't long before she drifted off into a restful slumber.

* * *

><p>Deeks disembarked the small jet with his newest friend, James, the pilot. They said goodbye and Deeks made his way to the terminal, his bag slung over his shoulder. He heard the forensic scientist before he saw her. "Marty!" He spun in the direction her voice had come. He couldn't help but smile, even in the mood he was in, Abby just had a way of making everyone feel better. She was dodging the small crowd, a million watt smile on her face as she waved at him. She was wearing platform boots, naturally, and a Santa themed top and skirt of red trimmed in white fluffy material. Her dark pony tails swung to and fro from under the Santa cap along with the white pom-pom on top. She crashed into him almost at full speed, nearly taking them both to the ground. He chuckled as she pulled him into a tight hug. He hugged her back, noticing the people nearby eyeing them. To a stranger it must look like two long lost lovers reuniting after a long absence.<p>

"Merry Christmas, Martin Andrew Deeks! Thank you so much for coming to visit and volunteer with me!" she exclaimed before planting a kiss to his cheek.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Abby. Thanks for coming out at such a ridiculous hour to pick me up." Deeks smiled.

"No problem! I haven't been to bed yet. In fact, that's exactly where we are going right now." Abby proclaimed, a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Um...what, uh, what did you just say?" Deeks looked at her, his eyebrows raised in curiosity at Abby's proclamation.

Abby looked at him, "We need rest, silly. It will be busy at the shelter later. What did you think I meant, mister?" she gave him an innocent look now, but her lips were slowly curling into a grin.

"Yeah, no...rest, of course! We need...a...rest." Deeks stammered. He was realizing Abby could dish the banter just as well as he could and he was slowly coming around to the challenge. He silently thanked Hetty. He would have absolutely lost his mind had he stayed in LA. Abby and her upbeat, playful attitude was just the thing he needed right now to keep his mind off Kensi. He blew out a breath as he slowly ran his hand through his hair, his own grin spreading on his face. "What are we waiting for, Abs? Let's go to bed!" He held his hand out for hers.

Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened, acting like she was offended at his suggestion. Her eyes sparkled, though, and as she took his hand she called over her shoulder, "Careful what you ask for, Marty. It _is _the season of giving, after all!" Deeks caught the look in her eye before she turned away from him, and he couldn't help but think he detected something more than playfulness as she pulled him along.

Once back at Abby's place, she gave him the nickel tour. "Uh...is that a _coffin_?" Deeks asked, knowing full well it was, but confused as to what it was doing in her apartment.

"Yes! It's _very_ comfortable. Isn't it cool?" Abby replied, her eyes lit up with excitement.

Deeks chuckled, "Yeah, if you're dead tired, maybe." he joked.

Abby shook her head at him, "Very funny, Detective Deeks. Maybe I should have let you stay at a hotel like you offered." she pouted.

Deeks, thinking he'd really upset her, immediately started to apologize. "Abs, I was joking. If you find it comfortable and you get a good night's rest in it, who am I to judge? I didn't mean to make fun."

"Good!" she laughed, "I was joking too - I wouldn't have let you stay at a hotel. Nobody should be alone on Christmas, Marty." She stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out what his eyes were telling her.

Deeks glanced around the apartment quickly, and then changed the subject. "Well, I guess if you don't mind I'll just grab a quick shower."

"Oh, sure! Towels are in the little closet to the left of the bathroom down the hall. I'll get you a pillow and a blanket. You sure you don't want my bed? I can take the couch, I don't mind." she offered again.

"No, you'd be surprised how often I sleep on a couch anyway, Abs. It is no problem at all." Deeks explained.

Abby smiled at him. "It's OK, Marty. You can just admit you're freaked out about my bed being a coffin."

Deeks felt his face turn a bit red as he smiled back at her. Before he could think of a witty comeback, Abby continued, "Did I just do the impossible and leave Marty Deeks speechless?" He lifted a finger in protest, his mouth opening, but no words would come out. "I did! I did leave you speechless!" Abby proclaimed. She wasn't done yet. "You know, Marty, I don't just sleep in it." she said very seductively. Her eyes shown brightly as Deeks face turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Oh, wow...uh, OK! I'm, uh...yeah, I'm just gonna go shower now." he choked out as he pointed over his shoulder before spinning and disappearing down the hall. Abby giggled as she watched him go.

Once she heard the shower, Abby quickly changed into her sleep clothes. She then got Deeks a pillow and a blanket from her closet and walked them back to her living room. She was glad Henrietta Lange had called her back after Deeks had left for the airport. She explained to her, without going into too much detail, what Deeks was going through at the moment with his partner, Kensi Blye. Abby liked Kensi, but she didn't understand how she could not want to be with Deeks. Marty was such a sweetheart, she thought. He was attractive, witty, caring, and from what she had heard from Hetty and the rest of the team in LA over the years, very loyal. He always had the team's back, even if it meant great harm to himself. He was a very capable operative, one of LAPD's best, if not _the_ best. She knew he must be great for Henrietta Lange to have chosen him for her team. She was bound and determined to make sure Marty Deeks had an enjoyable Christmas break. He had suffered enough heartache over the years and she was making it her mission to soothe his hurting heart.

Deeks came down the hallway to the living room to find Abby sitting on her couch deep in thought. He was almost right in front of her before she noticed him. "Oh, Marty! Sorry, I was just resting... I didn't hear you come out of the bathroom. Here, let me get out of your way." Abby jumped up and moved around Deeks.

"Thanks again for having me, Abby. I appreciate it. Really." Deeks said seriously.

Abby smiled and reached out, wrapping her arms around him in a gentle hug. "You're more than welcome, Marty. Now get some rest. It's already morning! We have to be at the shelter by 11, that doesn't leave much time for sleep."

Deeks fluffed his pillow and spread the blanket out. As he stretched out on the couch and pulled the blanket over him he smiled up at Abby. "Good night, Abs."

"Good night, Marty." she said softly, realizing Deeks was already falling asleep.

_**TBC**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing…**

**Chapter 3**

Kensi rolled over in bed trying to figure out where she was. She felt the warm body next to her, and as her eyes adjusted she smiled when she remembered she was in Deeks' bed. Monty was lying on his back, legs up in the air, still sound asleep. She had just closed her eyes when the clock radio on the nightstand came on. Deeks had left the alarm on and it was set to music. A commercial had just ended and Matchbox Twenty's If You're Gone began playing. Kensi was reaching out to shut it off, but then she started paying attention to the lyrics. The short lived feeling of happiness disappeared, and as the song continued, tears welled up in her eyes. It was as if the song had been written for her, or them, and the situation they were in at the moment. Deeks was gone. She knew after last night there was a good chance she had lost him and right now all she wanted more than anything was for him to come home. Once the song ended, she shut the radio off. She wiped her tears and tried to fall back to sleep, but then Monty woke up and wanted to be let out.

As she latched his leash onto his collar she rubbed his head, "Merry Christmas, boy." she sighed. Monty replied with a quick bark, looking around the apartment as they stood by the door.

"I know you miss your daddy, don't you Monty?" she asked. Monty whined. Kensi couldn't help but think the dog knew exactly what she was saying. "I know, I miss him, too. He'll be back in a few days, though." she explained to the dog as she unlocked the door. She just hoped Deeks would give her a chance to set everything straight.

* * *

><p>It had been a long day at the shelter, but Deeks, Abby, and the other volunteers had made sure that every last person that came through received a warm meal on Christmas. Deeks and Abby said goodbye and made their way outside. Sometime during the day it had started snowing and it was still really coming down. By the time they returned to Abby's place the roads were becoming impassable. Plows were out in full force but they were having a hard time keeping up. As nightfall came the wind picked up and the plows were ordered off the roads until the following morning.<p>

"Thank you so much for helping today, Marty. I really appreciate it." Abby said to Deeks as they shed their coats and boots.

"It was my pleasure, Abby. It made up for me missing my tradition of volunteering on Christmas Eve back in LA." Deeks confided, and Abby caught the look of sadness that clouded his eyes at the mention of home. He opened his mouth to say something else, but then closed it and stayed quiet.

"So, you want to watch a movie? Maybe play some cards?" she asked, hoping he would agree to do something. It was still fairly early, but she knew they would have to get up for work in the morning, too. They were both exhausted from being on their feet all day and working on just a few hours sleep from earlier that morning.

Deeks looked at her for a moment, contemplating the options. "Actually, Abby, I'm beat. If it's OK with you I think I'm gonna get a shower and call it a day."

She smiled at him softly. "You know, that doesn't sound like a bad idea, it was a long day, wasn't it?" she agreed with him, trying not to let her disappointment show.

He nodded back at her and smiled. "Thank you for understanding."

Deeks got his shower and headed to the living room, where he collapsed on the couch. He was out as soon as his head hit the pillow. Abby showered and changed into her pajamas. She carefully made her way down the hall to check on Deeks. He was curled up on his right side with his back against the back of the couch. She stood and watched him for a few minutes, hoping he wouldn't wake and catch her staring at him. He twitched every so often, but stayed asleep. Satisfied that he was out for the night, she turned and went to her room.

Abby had a hard time getting to sleep. She had tossed and turned for an hour or more. Finally, she felt herself drifting off. Just before sleep overtook her, she heard Marty in the living room. He was talking to someone, and for a moment she wondered if maybe he was on the phone. Then she remembered he had mentioned he purposely left his phone back in LA. She lay there, listening intently. Her eyes widened when she realized he was talking to Kensi. He must be dreaming, she thought. She threw her covers off and made her way down the hall to her living room. Deeks was thrashing in his blanket now, he no longer was speaking quietly, he was pleading with Kensi. Standing there watching him plead with her not to do this to him, not to leave him, broke her heart. Deeks' voice was full of despair. His left arm reached out for Kensi, but she wasn't there. "Please, Kens, don't do this. Please!" he cried out. "No! Kensi! No, no, no!" he began hitting the couch. Abby couldn't take it any more, seeing him suffer like this. She approached him slowly, calling his name gently. She reached out and flipped the lamp on that sat on the end table next to the couch.

"Marty, you're dreaming. It's me, Abby. Wake up! Marty, can you hear me?" she asked softly. Her voice seemed to calm him some, she decided to reach out and shake him awake. "It's just a dream, Marty. Wake up, please!" she shook his shoulder. Suddenly his eyes shot open. She could see the confusion in them as he fought to shake the dream and recognize his surroundings.

"Abby? Is everything OK?" he asked, concern in his voice.

Abby was struck by how he went from being so upset himself to showing nothing but worry for her. It was almost like the dream hadn't happened, or he at the very least didn't remember it.

"I'm OK, Marty. You were having a bad dream. Are you OK?" Abby looked at the detective, worry clear on her face.

Deeks averted his eyes from her, remembering now what he had been dreaming about. "I...I'm sorry for waking you, Abby. Maybe I should stay somewhere else, yeah?" he suggested to her apologetically.

She frowned at him and pointed a long finger at his face, "Listen here, mister. You are staying right here. There is no need to apologize, Deeks! Besides, where are you going to go in the middle of a snow storm?" she exclaimed.

A small smile crept onto his face at her use of his last name. She could see the sadness in his eyes, though. "Thanks, Abby." he said sincerely.

"Come here, you." she said as she reached out to give him a hug. Between her having to lean down and his position on the couch, it made for an awkward hug and before she knew it, she was falling forward right on top of Deeks. He grunted as she landed on him.

Deeks, being trapped under her, tried to maneuver to allow her to get her legs under her again. It wasn't working. "Um..." he couldn't get anything else to come out.

"Sorry, Marty! I didn't hurt...anything, did I?" she asked, a smirk on her face.

Deeks couldn't do anything but chuckle now. Eventually she wiggled her way to the edge of the couch so she was lying next to him. They were facing each other. Abby stared into the most sincere set of blue eyes she'd ever had the privilege of being this close to. Deeks returned her gaze, neither of them sure what to say. The longer the silence went on, the more awkward they both felt. Abby opened her mouth to speak finally, but before she could say anything Deeks shushed her with a finger to her lips. This same move with Kensi early into their partnership earned him a sore finger and bump on the head. With Abby, her eyes grew wide in surprise and she smiled against his finger before he removed it. He smiled back and with a gentle nod of his head he pulled the blanket over both of them.

"Good night, Abby." Deeks spoke softly.

"Night, Marty." Abby replied, and within minutes both were sound asleep.

* * *

><p>Morning came, and Abby was the first to wake. She watched Marty as he slept. He looked so peaceful at the moment and it made her heart hurt a little for him remembering how upset he had looked and sounded earlier. Sometime during the night he had thrown his left arm over her waist and pulled her closer. Her head rested on the pillow, but his right arm was cradling it and her head. It gave her a very safe feeling being snuggled up to this man. She felt protected. Abby decided she had better get up, remembering her alarm was in her bedroom and would probably be going off any time now. She slid off the couch as gently as she could, wanting to let him sleep a little longer. She stood then and stretched, surprised at how rested she felt. Deeks rolled onto his back, still asleep. She smiled then and turned to go start coffee for Deeks.<p>

"Oh my gosh! Gibbs! What are you doing here?" Abby cried out, startled to find the man sitting at her kitchen table. She wondered how long he had been sitting there.

Hearing Abby question Gibbs, Deeks sat up quickly. Yep, there sat Leroy Jethro Gibbs at Abby's table looking at both of them with a grin on his face. "Hey, Gibbs." Deeks said, his voice rough with sleep yet.

Gibbs chuckled, a bright smile breaking out on his face. "You two sleepyheads ready to go to work?" he asked.

Abby stood with her hands on her hips, "Do I need to take my key back, Gibbs? You scared me to death!" she scolded him.

Gibbs held his hands up in surrender, "Won't happen again, Abs. You didn't answer your phone, so I came by to check on you."

Abby's glare softened, "Aaawwe, Gibbs, that was so thoughtful!" she cooed.

He glanced over to Deeks and then back to Abby, nodding gently.

Deeks cleared his throat. "It's my fault she didn't answer her phone."

Abby and Gibbs both turned to him, Abby's eyes wide while Gibbs' smirk reappeared on his face.

Deeks, noticing Jethro was reading into his confession more than what he should, immediately started trying to explain. "No! It's not like that, Gibbs. I would never...well, I wouldn't say nev...uh, what I meant to say was - I had a bad dream...and Abby came out from her room to check on me. She woke me up, then she gave me a hug and fell onto the couch with me..." his voice trailed off as he realized he was digging himself a bigger hole. "Um...so yeah...not what you were thinking." He looked to Abby for help, "Right, Abby?"

Deeks knew he was in trouble when he saw the sparkle in her eyes and the grin growing on her face.

She looked from him to Gibbs, "I couldn't get him into my bed, Gibbs. I offered, but he insisted on the couch."

Gibbs looked at Deeks, raising an eyebrow. "You have a problem with coffins, Detective Deeks?"

Deeks' mouth dropped open. He raised a finger to make a point in his defense, but his voice had escaped him. He started laughing then, and as he shook his head in defeat, he threw the blanket off and stood up. Abby and Gibbs shared a knowing smile. Deeks looked at them both, then focused on Abby, giving her an 'I'll get you back' smirk as he sauntered off to the bathroom to get ready. Once Abby was dressed for work Gibbs drove them all to the office. The snow had slowed enough that the plows were back out, but it was still pretty treacherous.

* * *

><p>Later that day, in the DC version of the bullpen, Deeks read through old files with McGee, DiNozzo and Bishop. They were looking for clues that might have been missed in a case that had been reopened. Deeks glanced up as he heard voices approaching. It was Director Vance and Gibbs, they had come from the elevator and were headed towards the team.<p>

In the lab, Abby worked diligently with evidence that Dr. Mallard had sent to her. She took a big slurp of Caf Pow that Gibbs had supplied her with earlier. She was about to study a sample she had placed under her microscope when the lab phone began ringing. She turned her music down and picked it up. She listened as the call was patched through from the main office. She had a feeling when the receptionist told her she had an incoming call from the LA office who it would be. She was correct.

"Hello?" she heard the female voice ask nervously.

"This is Abby." she said coolly.

"Abby, hi. This is...um, this is Kensi Blye. How are you?" Kensi asked. Kensi normally would be her badass self, confident and sure, but the last couple days had worn on her and she sounded very down. It took Abby by surprise. She thought from what Deeks and Henrietta had told her that Kensi had basically backed out of plans with Deeks and picked up some stranger all in the same night. The Kensi on the other end of the line right now sounded as heartbroken as Deeks. Abby's attitude softened a little, but she wasn't going to completely go easy on her just yet.

"Agent Blye, how nice to hear from you." Abby said, sarcasm clear in her voice. "I'm fine, how are you?"

If Abby could see Kensi, she would have seen the agent's head drop and her eyes close at hearing Abby's tone. Kensi took a breath. "Listen...Abby, I get the feeling that you are upset with me. I know Deeks is there and I'm assuming he told you about...us." Kensi sighed, not sure how to continue.

"_Marty," _Abby emphasized his first name, "didn't tell me much. All I know for sure is that you backed out of a long holiday weekend on the night you were to leave and instead you ended up picking up some stranger - and then to add insult to injury, when _Marty _begged you not to do that to him, you pretended like you didn't know him. Does that about cover it, Agent Blye?" Abby spat. She was just getting started. "Let me tell you something, missy, Martin Andrew Deeks is one of the sweetest, kind hearted, unselfish, _gorgeous _men I have ever met. Do you know that he had nightmares about you last night? I had to listen to him beg and plead with you not to leave him. He is crushed, Agent Blye. He tries to act like he is OK, but I can see it in his eyes. It's not really my business, but I've heard things from Eric and Nell and it sounded like you two were meant for each other. I hope your new bed buddy is worth it." Abby paused then, wanting to see what Kensi would have to say.

On the other end of the line was silence, then Abby heard a sniffle. She smiled slightly at that, glad that Kensi was hurting, too.

"Oh, God...Abby, you have to tell him I did _not_ go home with that jerk he saw me with. After I had a few minutes to think about what it did to Deeks to see me with that guy, I realized Deeks was right. I was making a huge mistake, I made him drop me off and I took a cab home. I was so stupid...so, so stupid." There were a few more sniffles. "I tried calling Deeks, Abby! I went right over to his place but he wasn't there. Hetty told me he came out there to help you. Please, Abby, please tell him I'm so sorry. I'm staying at his place with his dog until he comes home. I know I have a lot of mending to do." Kensi rambled.

Abby was shocked at how broken the agent was. She was as much a mess as Marty. Eric and Nell really had been right, they both were idiots for not realizing what they meant to each other sooner. She was so enthralled with what Kensi had said and how upset she was, too, that she didn't hear the footsteps coming into the lab behind her.

"I think that is something Marty needs to hear directly from you." Abby declared.

"What is it exactly that I need to hear directly, Abby?" Deeks asked softly.

Abby jumped, Deeks' presence startling her. She spun around to face the detective. "Marty! Uh..." Abby paused.

Deeks could hear Kensi on the other end of the line calling out to Abby, Abby having pulled the receiver away from her ear when she turned to Deeks.

"Is that who I think it is?" Deeks pointed at the phone, his voice becoming cold, his eyes clouded.

Kensi could distinctly hear Deeks in the background now, realizing he must have walked in on Abby's conversation she and Kensi were having. "Deeks?" Kensi started calling for her partner. "Deeks, are you there?"

Abby held the phone out to him. "You really need to hear what she has to say, Marty." Abby insisted. She nodded her head at him, encouraging him to take the phone. Deeks tentatively reached out for it, giving Abby a questioning glare. She smiled at him as his hand closed around it. He raised it to his ear, not sure how to respond.

"This is Deeks." he said. There was no warmth to his tone at all. It wasn't even the voice he used with bad guys. There was no feeling whatsoever.

Kensi heard his voice, she knew it was him - and yet it wasn't the Deeks she knew and, dare she say it, loved. If the last 48 hours had done nothing else, they had made her realize she did indeed love Marty Deeks. She just had to hope he would allow her to prove it to him.

"Deeks? Oh...Deeks." Kensi's voice broke. "I'm so sorry!" she sobbed into the phone, trying to control her emotions the coldness of his tone brought out in her.

Deeks blew out a breath, running his hand through his hair. "What do you want, Kensi? Why are you calling?" he asked coolly, struggling to keep his own emotions in check.

"Deeks... I...I love you, Deeks!" Kensi stammered, immediately regretting leading with that. She knew there was so much more she needed to say before she said _that, _but there it was. There was no going back now. Before she could say anything else, Deeks replied.

"You, uh...you love me, Kensi? Really? You sure have a funny way of showing it, 'cause the last time I saw you, you were hanging all over some ass hat that thought your name was Kelly, remember? Your new _friend_ damn near broke my jaw, Kensi, and you did nothing to defend me. You told me I was mistaking you for someone else. You know what, I think you were right, I did think you were somebody else." Deeks hated saying that, but it was truly how he felt. He was so tired of being Kensi's punching bag, both literally and figuratively. He knew Kensi had trouble showing her feelings, her true feelings - for him, or anything or anyone that she cared about - but this last move on her part had all but sealed their fate in his eyes. He just could not keep doing it.

Kensi choked through a sob, "No, Deeks! Wait, please! Let me explain...I need to explain and let you know how truly sorry I am for what happened, Deeks, please?" Kensi begged him. "I didn't sleep with that guy, Deeks. You were right, I was making a mistake and I made him drop me off and I took a cab home and then drove to your place. I tried calling you, Deeks, but you wouldn't answer!" she rambled on. "Please Deeks, give us a chance to work this out...please." she whispered, her voice breaking again.

Deeks felt like he was going to vomit. It killed him hearing Kensi so upset. On the other hand, he was pissed that she was so stubborn that it took something this drastic to make her realize what he meant to her before she would admit it.

"We're not doing this over the phone, Kensi." Deeks stated calmly, his voice not as harsh as it had been.

Kensi, sensing the change in his tone, felt a slight bit of hope. "OK. Um...so...when you get back, then?" she asked anxiously.

He sighed. "Yeah, when I get back." Deeks agreed.

"OK, we'll talk then. When do you get home?" she asked nervously.

"Sometime Sunday, I'm not sure exactly when. I'll let you know." he stated.

"Great, so I'll wait to hear from you!" she tried to sound cheerful, but she was still worried. He wasn't agreeing to work things out, he was agreeing to let her explain what was going on. There was still a chance she had lost him. At least he was willing to give her a chance, and that was more than she had the right to hope for right now.

"Ok, yeah...uh. I'll let you know." he said again. "Goodbye, Kensi." Deeks handed the phone back to Abby and turned to leave, not waiting to hear Kensi reply.

"Bye." Abby heard Kensi say softly as she raised the phone back to her ear.

"This is Abby again, Marty left the lab." Abby explained. "I need to get back to work, Agent Blye."

"Oh, of course! I'm...uh, I'm sorry I bothered you, Abby." Kensi said shyly. "Goodbye."

Abby hung the phone up. As she wondered where Deeks had wandered off to an alarm on one of her machines went off, alerting her to a match between the evidence she was working with and a suspect. Before she could pick the phone up to call Gibbs, he appeared in the lab like he always did.

"What do ya got, Abs?"

_**TBC**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing having to do with NCIS: Los Angeles, NCIS or any of the characters. **

**Chapter 4**

Gibbs had listened to Abby explain what the evidence meant and had rallied the troops to go hunt down their suspect. It had been several hours since Agent Blye had called. Abby had been worrying off and on about how Detective Deeks was doing since he had spoken with his partner earlier. Finally, with a break while waiting on results allowed, she decided to go see if she could find him. Figuring the detective must be in the morgue with Ducky and Jimmy, she headed there first.

Hearing the doors slide open, Dr. Mallard glanced up to see their forensic scientist step in, looking around curiously.

"Abigail, to what do we owe this honor?" Ducky greeted her cheerfully.

Jimmy looked up and smiled, "Hey, Abby!"

"Hey, Ducky. Hi, Jimmy." Abby smiled at them both. "I was hoping to find Marty with you guys. Have you seen him?" she asked anxiously.

"Ah, Detective Deeks. He was here a little while ago, my dear. He seemed a bit distracted and excused himself a short time later. Is everything alright with our detective friend, Abigail?" Ducky asked, concerned.

Abby rolled her eyes. "You have no idea, Ducky. His heart is a little bit broken right now. I'm worried about him." she shook her head and sighed.

"I'm sorry to hear that. He seems like such a nice young man." Dr. Mallard commented.

Abby agreed. "Yes he is. I'm going to go see if I can find him." Abby waved as she turned to leave. She headed straight for the bullpen. Abby walked around the corner past Gibbs' and McGee's desks. Not seeing Marty anywhere, she frowned as she stomped a foot in disappointment. She stood there contemplating where he could be when Director Vance came down the stairs from his office.

"Something I can help you with, Ms. Sciuto?" he asked.

"I was just looking for Marty. Have you seen him?" Abby looked at him hopefully.

He smiled at her, "Gibbs asked Detective Deeks to accompany them in the field today. I authorized it. I had the feeling Deeks needed to do something to...keep him busy." Director Vance explained, a knowing smile on his face.

Abby was shocked and more than a little nervous that he let Deeks in the field. Her look must have been obvious because the director offered her further explanation.

"Detective Deeks is good at what he does, Abby. If he wasn't, Henrietta Lange would have never brought him to her team. He will be fine out there with Gibbs." Vance stated.

Abby looked him in the eye and nodded slowly. He nodded back and then continued in the direction he had been going. Abby was still worried, and as she sighed and lowered her head, she turned and went back to the lab.

* * *

><p>The team returned late in the afternoon. Tracking down leads they received from Abby had proven fruitless. Gibbs decided to give them an early evening off since they would all be back at it again the next day, Saturday morning. They hoped they would be able to locate their suspect and close this case once and for all.<p>

Gibbs drove Abby and Detective Deeks back to her place. He told them he would pick them up again in the morning and assured Abby she would not find him sitting at her kitchen table when she awoke. That elicited a round of laughter from Deeks and Abby before they climbed out of Gibbs' car.

They hadn't been inside for more than thirty seconds when Abby unleashed several questions about Deeks' day. "So you wanna talk about today? About the phone call? What did Gibbs have you do with them? Did he make you wait in the car?" She gave him a worried look, and before he could reply to any of her questions, she asked one more very softly, "Are you OK?"

Deeks chuckled, dropping his stare to the floor for a moment before raising his head and meeting her concerned gaze. The slight grin on his face didn't hide the lost look she saw there in his blue eyes.

"I'm fine, Abby." Deeks said quietly without conviction.

She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow in doubt. "Martin Andrew Deeks, don't even try to lie to me, mister!" Abby warned him.

His smile grew but then faded quickly, realizing she was not going to let him off that easy. He swallowed hard and then glanced away from her. He brought a hand up and ran it through his hair, blowing out a breath.

"She...uh...Kensi told me she loved me, Abby" Deeks started, "She said she loves me...and, and yet...she was going to go home with a stranger rather than go on vacation with me. Who does that?" he asked, completely exasperated. He shook his head before staring at the floor in front of him again.

Sensing he had more to say, she just stood there patiently waiting, a look of complete understanding on her face.

"Of course, Kensi does that, right?" he looked at Abby, not expecting an answer. "Yeah. You know what the funny part is, Abby? As much as it hurt me, I understand completely why she did it. Kensi Blye is scared, and when she is scared she does things like that. Things that don't make sense." He grinned again. "Kensi Blye, scared of her feelings. She will never admit it, but I know her better than she knows herself. I know she doesn't want to intentionally do something to hurt me...but I..." he blew another breath out, "I don't know if I can keep doing this, Abs."

Abby continued looking at him. Realizing he was done for the moment, she asked what she has wanted to know all along. "Do you love _her_, Marty?"

Again he chuckled like he had earlier. His hand flew through his hair once again and he tilted his head back, staring at her ceiling. He lowered his gaze to her and immediately she noticed the glistening in his eyes.

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, I do love her." His admission sounded to her as if he was admitting to being guilty of a crime. It wasn't joyous at all. She was blown away by these two people who clearly loved each other but were so broken that they were unable to accept their feelings and act on them like normal people. Abby had her own issues, as well, but Kensi Blye and Marty Deeks had her beat in spades.

Without saying a word she reached out and hugged him to her. Eventually she felt his arms come up around her and hug back.

* * *

><p>Saturday came and went, for the most part uneventfully. There were a few tense moments while the team chased down their suspect. Gibbs and the team, with the help of Detective Deeks, caught their suspect and by the end of the day had closed their case. They were milling about in the bullpen, congratulating one another on a job well done. Outside, the snow had started coming down again. The most recent forecast was calling for heavy snow and high winds for Sunday.<p>

"Detective Deeks, a word please?" Director Vance called down from the balcony. Deeks glanced up at the director, startled that he had singled him out. Deeks turned to Gibbs. Gibbs smiled slightly and nodded, encouraging Marty to go on up.

"Yeah, OK...um, I'll be right up." Deeks acknowledged as he started for the stairs.

Director Vance had already disappeared by the time Deeks got to the top of the stairs. Marty approached the director's door and knocked before opening it gently and stepping inside. Director Vance was at his desk. He sat back and smiled cordially at the detective.

The director motioned to the chair in front of his desk, "Have a seat, Detective Deeks."

Marty glanced back over his shoulder nervously, as if looking for someone to back him up. He stepped tentatively towards the chair. He slowly sat down and looked to Leon with a worried gaze.

Director Vance returned Deeks' look. "Something on your mind, detective?" Leon finally asked.

"Am I in trouble, sir?" Deeks asked timidly.

"Have you done something that you should be in trouble for, Deeks?" the director asked calmly, leaning towards him.

"Um...not...not that I'm aware of." Deeks admitted slowly.

Vance nodded at him. "Good, because that isn't why I asked you up here." The director settled back in his chair. "How are you, Marty?"

Deeks smirked, completely at a loss as to where this conversation with the Director of NCIS was going. "Um...I'm, I'm fine. Good! I'm...good. Why do you ask?" Deeks rambled.

"Henrietta is worried about you. She has called to check up on you and I've also been made aware your partner called Ms. Sciuto in regards to your presence here in DC." Director Vance stated, contemplating the shaggy man sitting before him. "Gibbs' team has asked me about you, including Dr. Mallard and Ms. Sciuto herself. Everyone seems to be concerned about you. What the hell is going on, Detective Deeks? Henrietta Lange does not call in favors to send someone across the US, let alone on Christmas Eve, without good reason. So I ask again, how _are_ you?"

Deeks ran his hand through his hair once before scratching back and forth quickly, running his hand back through it again to straighten it out. He blew out a breath, shaking his head slowly. He looked at the director and chuckled before focusing his attention somewhere over Director Vance's shoulder.

Director Vance sighed and crossed his arms in front of him as he leaned back in his chair. "Take your time, detective, I'm in no hurry here."

"OK...uh, wow...so this is happening." Deeks finally choked out. He tapped his fingers on the arm of the chair, letting his nerves get the best of him. He glanced up at the director, who was still sitting patiently waiting for an answer. "Um...Hetty thought maybe I could, uh...use a few days away from LA, so she made arrangements for me to come help Abby at the shelter." Deeks began, skirting away from the real reason he was there in DC.

Director Vance was ready for that ploy and went straight for the kill. "Detective Deeks, is there something going on between you and Agent Blye?"

Deeks was stunned. Here he sat before the Director of NCIS, who had taken it upon himself to question their LAPD liaison about his partner. "Define _something, _sir." Deeks stated calmly, but swallowing hard.

"Detective, I'm not blind. When I came to LA when Hetty resigned I could tell there was something..._different_ about your partnership. Something special. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you two have a bond that goes beyond just being partners. Tell me I'm wrong." Leon ordered.

Deeks looked at his hands in his lap, then looked up at the director. He sighed slowly and nodded his head just slightly. "You're not wrong." he admitted quietly. He reached up and rubbed the scruff on his jaw nervously before turning his attention anywhere but on the director.

Director Vance leaned forward, resting his forearms on his desk. "What happened?" he asked, his tone sounding more as a concerned friend than a boss, the look in his eyes conveying genuine interest.

Deeks cocked his head to the side and stared at the director. "Seri...seriously? You expect me to tell you about Ke...my partner?" Marty asked, confused that the man didn't seem to be angry or disappointed.

"Is that a problem?" Leon asked, his eyebrows raised.

"I...um, I don't know. Is it?" Deeks replied, unsure of himself.

Director Vance grinned at him. "There are no written rules, although it is frowned upon and not at all encouraged to become involved with a co-worker, detective. We're all human, though, aren't we? If it happens, it happens." Leon paused, letting that sink in. He could see the wheels turning in the detective's head. "I don't know the details of your...relationship with Agent Blye, and quite frankly, I don't want to. If the job is what is keeping you from figuring things out though, as long as it doesn't affect your performance, you two are free to pursue whatever it is between you." he stated gently.

Deeks stared at the man, not sure what to say. Finally, "Um...I...I don't understand why you are saying this to me. What makes you..."

The director cut him off. "Detective Deeks, this job cost me my wife and the mother of my children. I'll be damned if I'll let it cost any of my agents, or_ liaison_, the most important person in their lives. I realize danger is a big part of this job and I can't control that part of it, but this part I can. Are we clear, detective?"

Marty sat there speechless for a few moments as he contemplated what the director had explained. He looked the director in the eyes and nodded in understanding. "Thank you, sir, for clarifying...this."

Vance nodded back and smiled brightly. He stood up and stuck his hand out. Deeks jumped up and shook the director's hand. "Thank you, Detective Deeks. Keep up the good work. Feel free to turn those papers in Hetty gave you any time."

Deeks chuckled then. "Yes, sir."

The director glanced out the window. Snow was falling at a good clip. "Looks like you may end up staying a day or two longer than you planned if this keeps up. Feel free to show up here if that's the case, I'm sure we can find something for you to do." Leon smiled.

"I'll do that, Director Vance. Thanks...uh...thanks again for what you said." Deeks acknowledged once again.

"Have a good evening, detective." Leon told him as he sat back down. Deeks turned and left the office.

**_TBC_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: Los Angeles, NCIS, or any of the characters.**

**Chapter 5**

"Maaarty. Marty, it's time to wake up." Abby shook the detective's shoulder gently as she whispered.

He was on his left side, hugging his pillow so that only half his face was visible. She shook him again, a little harder this time. Finally, the shaggy haired man's one eye she could see just barely opened. She grinned.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." Abby greeted him. He rewarded her by closing it again and faking a snore. She poked him in his ribs. When that didn't get a response, she resorted to tickling him. Deeks began flopping around under his blanket trying to get away from Abby's tickling fingers.

"OK, OK...Abby, stop! I'm awake now! Geesh!" he called out, trying to act irritated. The sly grin on his face gave him away, though. "What time is it?" he said, stretching as he yawned.

"Time for you to tell me good morning, mister." She gave him the evil eye.

He chuckled then, still shaking off the remainder of a good night's rest. "Good morning to you, too, Abs." Sitting up on her couch, he realized she was dressed for the day already. "Um...how long have you been up?"

"Long enough to know that all flights have been canceled for the day. You're stuck here with us for the time being." She explained in an apologetic voice. Abby caught the look in the detective's eyes when the realization hit him that he would not be going home today. It was a sense of relief and maybe a little sadness she saw there. He looked away and nodded that he had heard her.

"So, have you already had breakfast, or would you like some of my famous pancakes?" Deeks asked her as he stood up. He folded his blanket and placed it on his pillow at the arm of the couch.

Abby smiled, "Oooh, pancakes sound really, really good right now, detective." Her eyes sparkled. She was happy to see that he seemed to be in a good mood this morning.

"OK, then. Pancakes it is." he smiled. "Do you mind if I jump in the shower first?" Deeks asked, looking at her hopefully.

Abby placed one hand on her hip and tapped a finger to her lips, acting like it was a tough decision. "I suppose it'll be alright. But hurry!" She pointed down the hall. He spun and disappeared quickly. She couldn't help but smile as she watched him go. This Marty Deeks character from LA was somebody special. She wished the team had someone like him on it. Tony was the team's comic relief most times, but Deeks just had this air about him that Tony didn't. There was something more to him, but it was hard to put her finger on. Abby knew she could get very used to having him around. She hoped that Agent Kensi Blye realized just how lucky she was to have a man like Marty in her life.

Ten minutes had gone by when Deeks reappeared in Abby's kitchen. "OK, Abs, you ready for this awesomeness?"

She knew he meant the pancakes, but she couldn't pass up the opportunity to flirt with the shaggy, very delicious smelling man standing before her. "Mmmm, you bet I am. But are you still going to make me pancakes after?" Abby tilted her head and looked up at him suggestively. Slowly, she took a step closer to him. He couldn't lie, there was a certain amount of attraction he felt for Abby. She was a brunette, after all, and she was a strong, confident woman. Her sense of humor and flirtatious personality, along with her brilliant mind, made it very hard _not_ to be attracted to her. She was kick-ass in her own way, just like Kensi...but she wasn't Kensi.

"What, uh...Abby, what are you...what are you doing?" Deeks stammered as Abby moved towards him. Before Deeks met Kensi, before their 'thing' was acknowledged, he would not have backed down or been intimidated by a strong willed woman like Abby. When he realized there was something between him and Kensi he had sworn off going on random dates. He had become very shy with the ladies when they hit on him. This was no exception, even under the current status of their...whatever you wanted to call it.

Abby was standing right in front of him now. She slid her arms up onto his shoulders, cradling the back of his head in her hands. She leaned in as if to kiss him, and as she looked into his sparkling blue eyes she had to remind herself she was just teasing him. Their noses were almost touching. She could feel the tension radiating off his body as she continued to stare into his eyes. "I'm just messing with you, Detective Deeks. Now...about those awesome pancakes?" She smiled then and stepped back, dropping her hands.

Deeks just stood there for a moment taking in what just happened. He had to remind himself, as he let out a sarcastic chuckle, that Abby was a prankster and loved to banter and flirt. He shook his head and smiled. He raised a finger and pointed at her. "That was...that was a good one, Abby." He laughed genuinely then. "Yeah, no. You got me there. I owe you double now." he warned her, referring to the other morning when Gibbs had surprised them and she had teased him about getting him in her bed.

Abby smirked and squinted her eyes at him, as if daring him to try to get revenge. Deeks just grinned at her as he started getting the ingredients, bowl and utensils around for making the batter. Abby offered to help but Deeks insisted on doing this himself. Understanding he wanted to do something nice for her, she didn't argue and instead sat back and watched him work. It wasn't long before they both were enjoying the fruits of his labor.

"Martin Andrew Deeks, I must say that these are the absolute best pancakes I've ever eaten!" Abby complimented him.

He nodded at her and grinned between bites of the syrupy goodness. "Thanks, Abs. It's the least I can do for you allowing me to crash on your couch the last few nights." Deeks finally managed once he swallowed his last bite. He had to agree - he had outdone himself on this batch.

Later that morning Ducky called Abby's phone to confirm she was still attending his post-Christmas dinner later that day. Abby had forgotten all about it with the long hours on the case and Deeks still being stranded in DC. Dr. Mallard had arranged for a private room at a restaurant the team all frequented. Even with all the snow they had received the dinner was still a go. She explained to Ducky that Marty's flight back to LA had been canceled and asked if it would be OK if he came, too. Ducky emphatically agreed it would be wonderful to have him there as well. Abby asked Deeks quickly if he would go. He nodded that he would and she passed along to Ducky that they would both be there. She was excited for the evening to come. The whole team would be together, including their guest from LA. Even Gibbs gave in this year and decided to show up without much fuss. It would be a memorable dinner for sure.

* * *

><p>As their taxi pulled up to the restaurant, Deeks suddenly remembered he had told Kensi he would call her to let her know when he would be home. "Hey Abs, can I borrow your phone real quick? I need to let Kensi...I need to tell her I won't be back today."<p>

Abby smiled at him as she fished her phone out of her bag. "Here ya go, Marty." He took it and thanked her.

Deeks paid the fare and he started dialing Kensi's number. Gibbs, McGee and Bishop had just shown up, too, and were walking towards the door. They all waved to the detective and Abby when they noticed them leaving the cab.

* * *

><p>Kensi was anxious. It had been a very long, lonely weekend but Sunday was finally here. Her partner was due in sometime today and she was nervous about how it would go when he got home. She had hoped he would be here by now but she hadn't heard anything yet and it was early afternoon already. She had thought of everything she wanted and needed to say to him. She knew what she had almost done the night they were supposed to leave for Mammoth had really damaged their 'thing'. It would be a very long time before she forgave herself for that moment of weakness, even if he ended up forgiving her himself. What scared her more was the fact she realized she had taken her partner for granted. He had always been there for her, had told her as much - and she took full advantage of it. There were times, <em>days <em>even, that she had been a complete bitch to him and he just kept coming back for more. He would laugh and joke about her words or actions, letting them roll off his back, just like he did with all the other negative things in his life. She shook her head in wonder. He was such an amazing man. She had learned to never underestimate Marty Deeks, and now she vowed she would never take him for granted again, either. People like him didn't come along very often. She wanted, actually needed him in her life, and she was bound and determined to find a way to keep him there and prove she was worthy of his love.

Her phone started to ring. She saw Abby's ID and answered right away. "Deeks?" she asked hopefully, relieved when she heard his voice.

"Yeah, it's me. Hey, sorry I didn't call sooner, my flight was canc...Hey!" Kensi heard some muffled sounds. Deeks said something to Abby about holding her phone. In the background she heard Deeks yelling at someone to 'put it down' and she sat straight up on his couch, her senses on full alert. His voice continued moving away from the phone. She listened intently. She could hear people hollering about someone having a knife and then a woman screamed 'NO!'. It was Abby. She started yelling for Gibbs. Seconds later Kensi heard three gunshots. She heard running and heavy breathing. Kensi assumed it was Abby. It was, and the next thing Abby said made Kensi's blood run cold.

"Marty! No, no, no!" Abby cried out. "Tim, get Ducky! Hurry McGee, it's Marty! He's hurt!" she pleaded with the agent.

Kensi was frozen in place on the couch, Monty looking up at her curiously. She felt herself going numb. She didn't have to see what was happening to know it was bad, she could hear it in the despair of the voices coming through the phone. She heard another woman gasp "Oh my God, Marty" and then Gibbs' voice said weakly, "Leave the knife in, Bishop. Put pressure on the bullet wound in his chest instead." Gibbs' breathing was labored. He must've been hurt, as well. Kensi couldn't believe what she was hearing. Had Deeks been stabbed _and_ shot?

Kensi was frantic. She called out to Abby, hoping she would realize the call was still connected. Abby couldn't hear her because she was so focused on Deeks. "Abby! Abby, what's going on? Is Deeks OK?" Kensi shouted into her cell. She heard footsteps approaching quickly and very faint in the background, sirens.

"Jethro! What happened?" she heard Dr. Mallard call out.

"Don't worry about me. It hurts like hell but I'll be OK. Deeks is...uh, just help him if you can, Duck." Gibbs ordered through clenched teeth, clearly in pain. Kensi swallowed hard, scared at how defeated Gibbs sounded. Her fear was confirmed when she heard the words she never wanted to hear associated with her partner.

"Oh my word, you poor boy. Quickly, Mr. Palmer, help me with Marty, he's stopped breathing." Ducky said worriedly.

"DEEKS!" Kensi screamed into the phone as her tears began to fall.

**_TBC_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters for some extracurricular...fun?  
><strong>

**Chapter 6**

Abby stood motionless, still trying to comprehend what she had just witnessed. Ducky approached quickly, asking Gibbs what had happened as he did. Clearly the good doctor had failed to see Marty's wounds yet. Gibbs told Ducky to help Deeks if he could. Bishop was kneeling next to Marty, her fingers covering the hole in his chest. Abby refused to look at the other offending wound again, sorry that she had seen it at all. In fact, she was fairly certain she would have nightmares about it for a very long time to come. In her line of work she had seen a lot of things, but this - to see something this brutal done to someone you know personally, and to have it happen right in front of you - it was beyond traumatic. How could someone survive that, let alone being shot at the same time? Her heart was breaking into a million pieces.

"Oh my word, you poor boy. Quickly, Mr. Palmer, help me with Marty, he's stopped breathing." Ducky said worriedly.

Abby heard a bloodcurdling scream for Deeks. It took a moment for it to register where it had come from. The scream came from her phone she was still gripping tightly in her hand. Kensi Blye had heard the whole thing. In her rush to get to Marty Abby had forgotten all about the phone call Deeks had been on. As worried as she was for Marty, being here in person and witnessing what happened, Abby couldn't imagine what it must be like for Kensi on the other end of that call to be listening to everything that just occurred.

Abby raised her phone to her ear, not sure of what to say. She could hear Kensi crying. "Agent Blye?" Abby asked slowly, her voice breaking. "Can you hear me, Kensi?"

"Ab...Abby! Is he OK? Please tell me Deeks is going to be OK!"

"Kensi...I...I'm so, so sorry." Abby cried. She waved her free hand in the air impatiently. "It's, he's...uh, it's bad...I mean...um, it's...it's sticking out of his..." Abby couldn't finish the sentence.

When Abby apologized, Kensi closed her eyes, fearing the worst was yet to come, but then Abby got quiet. "What? What is sticking out? A knife? Where is it, Abby?" She knew Abby wouldn't exaggerate, so if whatever happened to Deeks left the forensic scientist speechless, it terrified Kensi. She was fully panicked now, her breathing becoming a problem.

"The...the ambulance is...is here now. Ducky and Jimmy are...are doing CPR on him...on...on Marty...Oh, Marty! Why?" Abby shouted as the gravity of the situation finally caught up to her. Suddenly, her world started spinning and then everything went black. With everyone's attention on Deeks, no one noticed Abby fainting and she collapsed to the ground, dropping her phone on the way down. It promptly came apart as it bounced off the sidewalk, spilling its battery and ending the call to Kensi.

"Abby! Abby, are you still there? What is happening? Please Abby!" Kensi was shouting into her phone again. Kensi heard a quick thump and then the connection went dead. She tried calling the number right back, but it kicked her straight to voicemail. Kensi threw her phone onto the couch next to her and leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and holding her head. Guilt overwhelmed her as she wondered if Abby's last word was directed towards her. 'Why?' She gulped in air and blew it out again, she felt completely lost and so helpless. Deeks lay suffering, or...or much worse, and she was powerless to do anything for him. She was his partner, dammit, and she needed to be there for him, to have his back, to make sure he was alright. She was so angry...and even more frightened. A violent sob tore through her as she realized she had no one to blame but herself. It was because of her that Deeks was even in DC to begin with. She had failed him the moment she backed out of the trip to Mammoth (if she was being honest with herself, it was long before the trip to Mammoth) and because of that, she may have just listened to him die. Gibbs' sorrowful request to Ducky began haunting her, 'help him if you can, Duck' and Dr. Mallard declaring 'he's stopped breathing' kept playing over and over in her head.

"I'm so sorry, Deeks." Kensi whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. Monty barked sharply at the sound of Deeks' name. Kensi jumped, her nerves completely shot. A chill set in her bones as she broke down again. After a few minutes she was able to get her emotions somewhat in check. She had to do something, anything, to find out more about Deeks. She refused to just sit and do nothing. It was Sunday afternoon and the team would be back to work tomorrow morning. Kensi hoped that Hetty was home here in LA, she didn't know who else to call that would be able to help her. She picked her phone up and dialed her boss' number.

* * *

><p>Hetty Lange sat in the library of one of her numerous homes. She was enjoying a good book and a bit of tea. The comfortable silence was broken when her cell phone began ringing. She gently placed her book in her lap and picked up her phone. Seeing that it was her junior agent, she answered quickly, wondering what would cause the young woman to call.<p>

"Is everything alright, Ms. Blye?" she answered with caution.

"Hetty! It's Deeks...he's...I think he's dead. I got him killed, Hetty! Please help me...please!" Kensi cried out.

Hetty remained calm, but became very concerned. She had never heard Kensi Blye sound this upset. "What ever are you talking about, my dear? Mr. Deeks is still in Washington. His flight was canceled due to the weather." Hetty explained, thinking her agent must have surely been drinking or possibly had a nightmare, if that was possible in the middle of the afternoon.

"I know that, Hetty! He just called me and something happened while we were on the phone...he went after somebody that had a knife. He was stabbed and he was shot, Hetty, and it's all because of me!" Kensi declared and then continued, "Dr. Mallard said...um, I heard him say that he...he...Deeks wasn't breathing! Abby's phone died and now I don't know what is happening, Hetty. I'm losing my mind...please, you've got to help me." Kensi begged.

"Oh, my." Hetty gasped, trying to process the information Kensi had just given her. "Alright Ms. Blye, I need you to calm down and come to the mission. Can you do that for me, dear?" Hetty asked softly.

"Yes, OK, I think so. I can, Hetty. Thank you." Kensi replied, sounding a little more under control than what she had when she first called. She ended the call. In a moment of clarity she thought she had better take Monty out quickly. Once she had him safely back in Deeks' apartment she jumped in her SRX and sped to the mission.

When Kensi pulled in she noticed Nell's car was there, and right behind her Sam's Challenger was just pulling in, as well. Kensi could see Callen was with Sam. She jumped out and ran for the door before Sam or Callen could question her.

Callen watched Kensi running for the building without so much as a backward glance towards them. He looked to Sam. "You know this can't be good, Hetty calling us in on our last day off."

Sam put the car in park and sighed, turning to his partner. "I got a bad feeling about this, too, G. Something must be up with Deeks. You'd think he would have been with Kensi. You saw how she ran in there." Sam pointed out.

"I guess we're about to find out." Callen replied as he opened the door.

* * *

><p>Kensi ran up the stairs to Ops. The door slid open and she stepped in to find Hetty, Nell and Eric staring at her as she approached them. She suddenly felt self conscious, remembering she'd been crying earlier and she must look a mess. She knew now was not the time to be worrying about her looks, it was irrational considering the seriousness of the situation. Irrational or not, Kensi spun around and ran back out, ignoring Nell's request to wait. Now that she was here she was frightened at what they were going to discover, as if delaying learning what happened would make it less true. She went to the nearest bathroom and checked herself in the mirror. She was a wreck, her make-up had run and her hair was out of place. Her eyes were red and puffy. She ran some water and washed her face as best she could, then straightened her hair. She decided she was as presentable as she could make herself under the circumstances. She took a deep breath and made her way back to Ops.<p>

When she returned, Callen and Sam had joined the others. They all now turned to her, all of them with concerned looks on their faces.

Hetty had brought Eric and Nell up to speed on what happened to Deeks when they first arrived. They were diligently looking for video and waiting to hear back from DC, having placed a call inquiring about the incident.

Nell was the first to speak. "Are you OK, Kens?" Nell asked sympathetically.

Kensi looked at her friend, cocking her head to the side slightly. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. She looked down to the floor at her feet and then to Hetty, her eyes pleading with her boss to help her.

Hetty, realizing that Kensi was struggling, nodded slightly to her and then addressed Sam and Callen,"There has been an incident with Mr. Deeks. We don't know much, gentlemen, other than he is in very grave condition. Eric is combing through video feeds and we are waiting to hear back from Washington." Hetty explained.

Sam and Callen looked at each other, surprised, before looking back to Hetty. "Washington, as in DC, Hetty?" Sam asked, turning to Kensi. Kensi could sense Sam staring at her, she avoided eye contact with him.

"Yes, Mr. Hanna, DC. Why he is there is not important right now, understood?" she warned Callen and Sam as they both were now staring at Kensi with confused looks on their faces.

Before anyone could say anything else Eric gasped "Whoa." He turned and looked at Hetty and then Kensi, his eyes wide and his face pale.

"Mr. Beale, I take it you've found something?" Hetty asked.

He nodded his head in the affirmative but was unable to speak.

Nell, being curious, leaned over to look at Eric's screen. She jumped back as she said sadly, "Oh my God, Deeks." She spun to face the others, the horrified look on her face letting them know Eric had indeed found video of whatever had happened to their shaggy haired teammate.

Hetty stepped to his desk and asked him to play it again. He did as he was told, unable to pull his eyes from the screen. Sam and Callen saw Hetty's shoulders slump and she shook her head slowly before letting it drop. She turned around to face the team. She, too, had trouble finding words.

"Put it up on the big screen, Eric." Callen demanded.

He looked to Kensi, then to Sam and Callen "Um...guys...I, uh...I don't think you want to see this...um...him. You shouldn't see him like this." he warned them.

"Play it." Kensi said calmly, but with determination.

Eric shook his head no, "Kensi, you..."

"I said play it, Eric!" she snapped at him. "Sorry." she said immediately, but then continued, "I heard it happen, Eric. I was on the phone with him. Please, I just need... I need to see what happened, please." she asked quietly.

Eric turned to Hetty with a questioning look on his face. Their operations manager silently nodded to go ahead. He tapped a few keys and the video appeared on the big screen. There was no sound, and as the video began Hetty thought that was probably for the best. Everyone focused on the scene unfolding before them.

The camera was filming in HD, the images very vivid. It was mounted up under an awning overlooking the area in front of a restaurant. A cab pulled up and out climbed Abby Sciuto and Deeks. He leaned in to pay and then turned towards the restaurant. He was dialing a phone. To the right Callen spotted Gibbs and a couple others. They waved at Abby and Deeks. To the left a young, clearly pregnant woman came into view. She was arguing with somebody. The camera was almost right above her. A man stepped into view in front of her, yelling at her. He pulled his hand out of his coat. He was holding a knife. Everyone around the couple began running away. In the background Deeks could be seen on the phone. It was obvious when he saw the knife. Even though Kensi knew what he had said at that moment, she could plainly read his lips. 'Hey!' He turned to Abby, shoving her phone back into her hand as he ran towards the man. 'Put it down! Move away from the girl and drop the knife.' The man had raised his hand over his head, readying to plunge the knife downward at the woman. Just before Deeks reached the man, he spun towards Deeks. What happened next was a mix of bad luck on Deeks' part and the momentum the man already had as his arm began swinging down with the knife. With the snowstorm that had hit DC, the sidewalks were cleared but slick in spots. As Deeks got close he slipped, sliding right in to the man and knocking him off his feet. Deeks fell backwards, landing flat on his back. His head slammed in to the sidewalk. The man wielding the knife fell right on top of him, his knife piercing Deeks' left temple and burying itself up to the handle in his skull.

Kensi cried out for Deeks. Sam and Callen were stunned by what they saw. The hurt they could hear in Kensi's voice made them feel like they were missing something. They knew the pair were close, but there was something in Kensi's demeanor that led them to believe they didn't have the whole story.

The video continued. Abby was running towards Deeks now, yelling for Gibbs. The man had picked himself up and had produced a pistol from somewhere. Gibbs had pulled his weapon and had it pointed at the man. The guy quickly shot at him and Gibbs returned fire. Gibbs was hit in the arm and he, too, slipped and fell as he ran towards Deeks. Gibbs' aim was true, though, and the man was dead before he hit the ground. Unfortunately for Deeks, he took a round to the chest from the man as he triggered the gun once again before falling back, dead. Deeks hadn't moved since landing there. His body jerked slightly when the bullet tore into him.

They continued to watch. Abby was standing nearby still holding her phone, Gibbs had pulled himself up and was directing Bishop to cover Deeks' chest wound. From the right Dr. Mallard and Jimmy appeared. Shortly after, Ducky and Jimmy began tending to Deeks. The video stopped suddenly.

The room was quiet. The team stood there in shocked silence, staring at the frozen image of Deeks lying there in a pool of his own blood as the doctor and his assistant worked feverishly to keep him alive.

_**TBC**_


	7. Chapter 7

Season of Change

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 7**

Gibbs watched Ducky and Jimmy go to work on Deeks. Bishop had moved out of the way and was approaching her boss, checking to see how bad his wounds were. Gibbs insisted he was alright even though Bishop could see his shoulder was dislocated. The bullet just grazed his arm, but when he slipped and fell getting to Deeks he landed awkwardly, popping the shoulder he had injured a few years ago out of place yet again. Gibbs was in pain but he was more worried about Detective Deeks. He was afraid they were going to lose him, if they hadn't already. He'd seen a lot of injuries over the course of his career. A knife to the head was a new one for him and he thought if he never saw something like that again it would be too soon. The look on Deeks' face showed no hint of pain or recognition of anything at all. Aside from the handle of a knife poking out of his skull and the resulting blood flow from said injury, Gibbs thought Deeks looked like he was peacefully sleeping. It was that look that made Gibbs think maybe Deeks was gone. If that were the case, he knew that he at least went quickly and painlessly. Deeks had hit the ground hard with his head. He was out cold in the few seconds it took for the weight of the attacker to fall on top of him, driving his knife in to the hilt. Gibbs figured it was a small blessing that the detective never knew what hit him.

An ambulance had just rolled up to the scene and another could be heard approaching not far behind. Gibbs glanced up just in time to see Abby faint. She hit the ground before he could do anything to help her.

"Bishop! Check on Abs!" he barked as he attempted to stand up. Ellie ran to Abby and tried to rouse her. Thankfully, Ellie thought, it didn't appear that their forensic scientist was injured. The same couldn't be said about her phone, however. It was in several pieces, the screen cracked nearly from side to side. In just a few moments Abby's eyes fluttered open and she returned to her animated self. She frantically picked her phone up and tried to put it back together, mumbling something about Marty's partner. When she realized the phone was done for, she focused her attention on Deeks, careful not to look at the wooden handle protruding grotesquely from his temple.

Ducky and Palmer were able to get the detective breathing again. Although he was far from being out of the woods, Gibbs was happy to hear Ducky's claim that the detective was breathing. A slight smile grew on his face as he nodded in their direction. The detective had a chance, however small it was. The paramedics took over. Once they had him stabilized they loaded him on a gurney very gently and wheeled him to the ambulance. As they were loading him up, Ducky checked on Abby while Jimmy dressed Gibbs' bullet wound.

"Tony, McGee, find out who that woman is. Check the dead guy. Call Vance, too." Gibbs directed his two agents.

"On it, boss." they answered simultaneously. They glanced at each other quickly. Under different circumstances they would have joked about their synchronized reply. On this day they went right to work, both with somber looks on their faces. There was nothing funny about what they had just been a part of.

* * *

><p>Nell was the first to make a move. Covering her mouth with her hand, she ran for the door to Ops and disappeared when it slid open. Eric glanced at Hetty as if to ask if he should go after her. She held her hand up for a moment.<p>

"Let her be, Mr. Beale." Hetty spoke softly.

She observed each of her team members. Callen stood with his hands clenched into fists, still staring at the macabre scene before them on the screen.

Sam's arms hung at his sides. The look on his face a strange combination of sadness and anger, his eyes glistening with emotion as he struggled to contain them. He shook his head from side to side slowly, pondering why Deeks always seemed to be the one who attracted trouble. He chuckled slightly then, and without realizing he was thinking out loud, answered his own question. "Because that is what Deeks does."

"Mr. Hanna, what are you thinking?" Hetty queried, having heard the big man's proclamation. His boss' voice broke his train of thought. He looked to Hetty, confused at first.

"You were saying something about Mr. Deeks?" she alluded.

"Yeah. I was just thinking... Deeks seems to always find trouble - or maybe it finds him - but it's because he is always looking out for others." Sam explained.

Hearing Sam's opinion of Deeks struck a nerve with Kensi. She finally spoke, and what she said was affirmation for Sam and Callen that something had indeed happened between the younger partners. "This is all my fault, Hetty." Kensi looked at the operations manager. "How could I do to that to him? _Why _did I do that?" Kensi glanced at Callen and Sam briefly before returning her gaze to Hetty. "I _love_ him, Hetty." She looked at the senior agents again, not really wanting them to hear this conversation, but at this point she didn't care what they thought of her feelings for her partner. Truth be told, they probably knew anyway. It seemed like everyone knew - or at the very least, _thought_ - Deeks and Kensi should be together even before they did. "I love him." she whispered once again as her shoulders began to shake, her emotions getting the best of her. She cried silently as the guys looked on, shocked by her revelation. Not about the fact that she loved him, that was no surprise at all - the fact that she willingly admitted it. Hetty patted her on the shoulder gently.

Eric cleared his throat. There was an incoming call to Ops. He hesitated a moment but then answered. "Yes, sir. Hang on." Eric turned, "Hetty, it's Director Vance." he held the phone out to her. She sighed as she glanced around the room quickly. She took the receiver, "Yes, Leon?" Everyone waited with bated breath as she spoke with the director, hoping for good news. "I see. Uh, huh. I'll let her know right away. Thank you, Leon." There were a few seconds of silence as the director shared something else with Hetty. "I'll make a call and get back to you on that." Hetty handed the phone back to Eric and turned to Kensi after a quick nod to Sam and Callen.

"Ms. Blye, the director wanted me to tell you that Mr. Deeks is on his way to the hospital as we speak. They were able to revive him and, for now, he is stable. They'll know more once they can examine him fully." Kensi perked up slightly at this, but was still distraught.

Sam asked with surprise, "So this just happened? Today? Like, within the last hour? Why is Deeks in DC and not here ready to come back to work tomorrow?" he demanded to know. Ever since they had gone through the ordeal with Sidorov Sam had grown fond of the younger man. He became a bit protective of him as well, knowing that Kensi could still be a little harsh with her partner. He still viewed Kensi as a little sister, but that didn't stop him from being upset with her at times, and this was one of them. There was a defiant tone to his voice as he stood there glaring at Hetty and Kensi as he waited for an explanation.

Hetty tried to stave off the conversation she assumed Kensi was not ready for, "Mr. Hanna, do you not recall me saying _why_ he is there is not important earlier?" she implored.

"Hetty, it's...it's, it's OK. They're going to find out one way or the other anyway." Kensi sighed heavily as she wiped at her eyes. She turned to Sam and Callen. "Deeks asked me to go to Mammoth with him for Christmas break. I told him I would...but, but then I chickened out because I was afraid we'd...uh..." She paused, not sure how to continue. "Basically I told him we should just remain partners and nothing more...I backed out of the trip and then I did...almost did something...stupid. I was going to, um... make a mistake... and Deeks called me on it. Instead of agreeing with him, I" she dropped her head, ashamed, "I, uh...I hurt him so bad." She shook her head as her tears threatened to fall again.

Hetty finished for her, "Mr. Deeks was upset and canceled his trip. I made arrangements for him to go to DC to volunteer with Ms. Sciuto. Our Mr. Deeks is quite generous with his time at the homeless shelter here. I thought it might keep his mind off their...current situation," she nodded to Kensi, "if he was able to get away. He and Ms. Sciuto do a lot for their respective shelters, especially around the holidays. She was more than happy to have him visit. Leon invited him to stay and work with Jethro over the long weekend. He helped them close a case. He was due back here today, gentlemen, but the weather is quite nasty in DC right now and his flight was canceled. It appears that they were going to dinner with Jethro's team when Mr. Deeks intervened in that altercation between the pregnant woman and her would-be attacker. Director Vance will update us once they know more." She nodded that she was done. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a call to make." She left Ops quietly, leaving Kensi and the others to continue without her.

Sam said nothing but continued to stare at Kensi. She still wouldn't look him in the eye, but she was aware he was watching her.

"Do you have something you want to say to me, Sam?" Kensi prodded defensively, finally meeting his glare.

He blew out a breath and slowly turned to the image of Deeks still on the screen before giving her a final look. Without a word he spun and stalked out. Kensi lowered her head once again and stared at the floor. Sam's silence hit her harder than any comment could have.

Callen offered his assurances. "It'll be OK, Kensi. Sam will get over it." Callen glimpsed at the screen quickly. "Deeks is tough, Kens. He'll make it through this." Callen tried to console her but she wasn't having it.

She scoffed at him. "How, Callen? Look at him! How does _anyone _make it through something like that?" she yelled. "I did that to him, Callen! I stabbed him in the heart on Christmas Eve and then today" she points at the screen "he takes a knife to the brain! Because of me! He shouldn't have been there!" she cried. "Even if he does live, what are the chances he'll ever be the same? What if he can't be a cop anymore? What if he doesn't want..." She stopped, but Callen had a feeling she was going to say 'me'. She continued then, "That's on me...and I...I don't know if I'll ever be able to accept that." She looked at Callen, not sure what more to say.

Callen looked away from her back to the screen. He knew Kensi was right - there was a good chance Deeks would be changed forever if he lived through it. Not only had he suffered a gruesome head injury, but he took a bullet at close range right in the chest. Either one alone would be enough to kill someone, to suffer both at the same time seemed near impossible to survive. Callen shook his head in wonder as he studied the image still lighting the screen in full high definition color. A feeling came over him as he looked at the knife protruding from Deeks' head. He focused on the chest wound and its proximity on Deeks' body and then back to the knife. It was a sickening sight to be sure, but something about the look on Deeks' face made Callen think if anybody could survive it, it would be him. What was it that Deeks always called himself? A jungle cat? A slight grin grew on Callen's face. Deeks may have just used up one of his lives, but Callen had a gut feeling their shaggy jungle cat of a detective would be back to irritate them all in no time. He was sure of it.

_**TBC**_


	8. Chapter 8

Season of Change

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters - again.**

**Chapter 8**

Ducky's post-Christmas dinner wasn't to be this year. Gibbs and his team wrapped up the investigation outside the restaurant. The local LEO's had passed it back to NCIS when it was discovered that the woman who had been under attack before Detective Deeks intervened was the daughter of a Vice Admiral of the US Navy. Her attacker was a former boyfriend. He had also been a Navy Seaman (dishonorably discharged) who never accepted that she had moved on, married and was expecting a baby with her new husband. A note discovered in a coat pocket revealed he intended to die after killing his ex-girlfriend, either by his own hand or suicide by cop. Thankfully for the Vice Admiral's daughter only half his plan panned out, thanks to Detective Deeks.

Jimmy had fixed up Gibbs' grazed arm. Gibbs refused treatment by the paramedics, insisting that Ducky reset his shoulder for him instead. Abby had a sore elbow from her fainting spell. The rest of the team; McGee, DiNozzo, and Bishop, all were unscathed in the incident...as long as you didn't count the emotional toll of seeing their friend from LA receive his horrifying injury. Once the scene was cleared and the investigation closed they all made their way to the hospital to check on the condition of Detective Deeks. It had been almost two hours since the ambulance left with the critically injured detective.

Gibbs was riding shotgun while Tony drove, cradling his hurt arm in the makeshift sling Ducky had fashioned for him. Abby rode in back with Bishop in between her and McGee. Abby was fidgeting with her broken phone, but her eyes far away from concentrating on it. Bishop stared out the front window, not really paying attention to anything at all. McGee was deep in thought and had just glanced up in the rear view mirror. He caught Tony peering back at him quickly before he focused on the road again. They all had one person on their mind.

"Do you think Marty is still alive?" Abby asked suddenly, startling everyone.

When no one answered right away, Abby sighed. "Gibbs? He'll be OK, won't he?" she asked of him, hoping for something positive to hold on to.

He turned to her, careful not to tweak his shoulder, a very serious look in his eyes. "I hope so, Abs. We all do."

* * *

><p>Sam walked slowly back to his desk, glancing over to Hetty's quickly as he went. She was there talking with someone on the phone. Her laptop was open. She held a cup of steaming hot tea in her right hand, waiting on the opportunity to take a sip. He sat down in his chair heavily. After staring at his desktop for a few moments he turned and looked at Deeks' empty chair. He thought back to that first day when Hetty told the team that Deeks was being assigned as their LAPD liaison. He was not impressed, and very pissed, when Deeks sat at <em>Dom's<em> desk - and he let the detective know about it. Sam wasn't proud of his treatment of Deeks back then. Even though Deeks had proven himself worthy of a spot on Hetty's team, worthy of sitting in that chair next to him - it took the detective suffering through brutal torture to protect Sam's wife before Sam realized how tough, loyal and brave the cop was. Sitting here now, that same chair next to him empty with the very real possibility its owner would not be returning, Sam vowed no one would ever sit there again. No one would ever be worthy of taking Deeks' place. Sam peered towards Hetty again. She was still there, still talking. Quickly he pulled his cell phone out and placed a call.

"Michelle, hey, I just wanted you to know that something has happened to Deeks. No, baby, it's bad. He may not make it. Listen, he's in Washington. Yes, DC. I don't know, something happened between Kensi and him. I'm going to go stay with him, OK? No, I'm going to tell her as soon as we hang up. I'll do that. I love you, too." Sam slid his cell back in his pocket as he stood. He realized Hetty was no longer at her desk.

"Going somewhere, Mr. Hanna?" Hetty asked.

Sam spun around, surprised by the small woman. He glared at her as she stood with her hands on the back of Deeks' chair.

"I'm taking a few more days off, effective immediately. I'm going to DC for Deeks."

"That won't be necessary, Mr. Hanna. I've already made arrangements for Ms. Blye to go." Hetty stated.

Sam shook his head vehemently "No. Not Kensi. Deeks doesn't need that kind of support. She'll be the last person he wants to see, if he's even still alive, Hetty." Sam argued.

Hetty paused and Sam took her hesitation as being in agreement with him. "You know I'm right, Hetty. I'll go. G and Kensi can handle things here without...us." Sam declared as his gaze dropped from Hetty to the chair in front of her.

Hetty sighed heavily. "We will discuss this further up in Ops, Mr. Hanna." she spoke softly, motioning with her hand in the direction of the stairs.

Nell had rejoined Eric, Callen and Kensi by the time Sam and Hetty reentered. Sam studied their faces; Nell had been crying but looked like she was recovering from the initial shock of seeing Deeks like that. Kensi, he thought, looked very tired and sad, but mostly guilty. As well she should, he thought to himself. Callen...G's look actually surprised Sam. Callen almost looked happy? - that couldn't be it. There currently was nothing to be happy about. No, maybe it was as if he knew something the rest of them didn't. Sam decided that was it, and he meant to find out what it was the first chance he got. When the door slid open Callen was surprised to see Sam and Hetty both walk back in. Hetty looked stressed, which was not a good sign Callen thought. Sam, on the other hand, looked determined. He was a man on a mission, there was no denying that. G knew his partner, but before he could say anything Sam made a comment that Callen didn't see coming.

"I'm going to Washington, G. Deeks needs somebody there. He's part of my family now, too." Sam said with conviction and a bit of an accusatory tone as he threw a glance towards Kensi.

"Mr. Hanna, you heard what I said downstairs." Hetty warned her senior agent.

Sam looked down at his boss and pointed to Kensi, "Why should she go? Do you really think sending her is going to help him when she is the reason he is there?" His voice got louder as he continued, "Just because she feels guilty about something that happened between them is not reason enough to send her. I know Deeks. If he..." Sam paused a moment, lowering his voice as he glared at Kensi and away again quickly, "if he is still Deeks...and he wakes up to find Kensi there, it will cause him unneeded stress."

Kensi stared at Sam, her mouth hung open, shocked by his words. Although she didn't disagree that she was the reason Deeks was in DC, after talking to Deeks briefly she wanted nothing more than to be there for him. The look in her eyes slowly went from hurt to anger.

Nell and Eric exchanged glances, both of them raising their eyebrows. This could get interesting. Nell continued to watch while Eric tapped his earpiece, turning away from the group. He had an incoming call. He spun back around a few seconds later.

"Guys, Director Vance wants a moment." Eric nodded at the big screen.

The team focused on the screen as Director Vance appeared, looking for any sign in his demeanor that would suggest this was a call they did not want to hear. When the director realized on his end that the whole team was there and waiting anxiously for him to speak, he nodded at them and began.

"Henrietta, were you able to make the arrangements we spoke about?" Leon asked.

She nodded. "I was, Leon, but we may have a problem."

The director looked to Kensi. "Agent Blye, do you not want to be here for your partner?"

This got Kensi's attention. "Wha...uh, what? Yes, yes I do!" she looked at Hetty. Already confused by Sam's protest, she now realized they were actually considering sending her to be with Deeks, and somehow Sam knew. It was more than she could have hoped for.

"That is not the issue, Leon." Hetty began.

Sam broke in before Hetty could continue. "No disrespect, sir, but I have already advised Hetty I'm taking some time off and coming out there for Deeks." Sam thought carefully before he continued, not wanting to bring up whatever personal issues there were between Deeks and Kensi. "I don't think his partner's presence is what he needs right now." he claimed, leaving it at that.

The director's eyebrows shot up in surprise at Sam's words. He glanced to Agent Blye. She was staring daggers at her teammate now.

Director Vance turned his attention to Hetty. They shared a knowing glance. Hetty nodded ever so slightly. The director continued then.

"Agent Blye...Kensi." the director said sympathetically as he looked at her and only her for the moment.

At her name being called out by the director she quickly focused her attention on the screen. "Yes, sir?" she asked, unsure what to expect.

Vance smiled at her and then began, "Agent Blye, I had a conversation with Detective Deeks last night. We were able to... straighten out a few misunderstandings regarding the job."

"Mis...uh...misunderstandings, sir? I'm not sure I follow." she admitted to him.

"Given the circumstances, I hope this isn't too late. Don't let the job keep you from what you want, Agent Blye. There is nothing to worry about from _my _end. Do you understand what I'm telling you?" Leon questioned her. She nodded in return, still trying to process that the director himself had seemingly just given the green light to a relationship with her partner. That whatever it was that was keeping them from getting together, do not let the job part of it be the the determining factor. The fact that it may be too late didn't even register. Deeks and the Director of NCIS had a discussion about _their _relationship, or lack thereof. She was blown away. She wondered how that conversation got started, or maybe the better question was why? She turned to Hetty, who had been standing there watching the look on Kensi's face as what the director was saying hit her. Hetty smiled ever so slightly. It was Hetty, of course, that set this whole thing in motion. It was Hetty who brought Deeks to the team. Hetty that made Deeks her partner. Hetty that sent Deeks to DC when they were still unable to figure things out for themselves after several years...and it was undoubtedly Hetty that involved Director Vance in the matter. It has always been Hetty that knew what each of her team members needed, even before they did. Kensi shook her head in disbelief.

"I'm still going." Sam said sternly. "I'll go on my own dime, I was going to anyway."

Callen tried to reason with his partner. "Sam, Deeks is in good hands. Kensi will be fine there. Clearly they have some things to work through..."

"No G. I owe it to Deeks to be there for him."

Callen glanced at Hetty and then back to Sam. "Then I'll go, too. We all owe it to Deeks to be there for him, isn't that right, Hetty?"

She stared her senior agents down, a harsh glare in her eyes. She looked to Vance on the screen. He smiled slightly, raising his eyebrows as if to say 'Well?' as he crossed his arms.

Recognizing that this was a battle she was not going to win, she threw her hands up. "Oh, bugger! Fine, all three of you go. Wheels up in 30." She shooed them away with her hands.

Callen stopped, turning to Hetty, "Wait...you said Deeks' flight was canceled due to weather. How are we flying in if the airports are shut down?"

Hetty grinned mischievously, the tension leaving her face. "By private jet, Mr. Callen."

Director Vance added, "Henrietta's friend will get you in the area. We have a chopper on standby here to meet you once you land. It will fly you directly to the hospital Detective Deeks is at." the director explained.

All the tension and anger that had been present moments before between the team members had dissipated. They all smiled at their boss and director at this bit of information, thankful for the opportunity.

_**TBC**_

**Author's note: Thanks to all who have favored and followed this story so far. Reviews are always welcome. More to come...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 9**

Sam drove the three of them to the airport in his Challenger. It was a quiet ride filled with awkward glances. Callen was riding shotgun as usual, with Kensi crammed into the small backseat of the muscle car. She now understood why Deeks had complained in the past about Sam's car, the backseat was not fit for an adult. She was relieved when they finally arrived. They met up with Jimmy - the same pilot who had flown Deeks out to DC just days earlier - and his co-pilot, Pete. Callen made a mental note to ask Hetty why they had never heard of Jimmy before. Having a private jet at one's disposal could be quite advantageous, he thought to himself. Jimmy was saddened to learn of the detective's current condition. He had taken a liking to Deeks in their few short hours together and hoped he would make a full recovery. The agents stowed their go bags and settled in for the flight.

Sam and Callen sat at the rear of the cabin, while Kensi had chosen a single seat up closer to the front of the jet. They were about two hours into the flight when Callen finally said something to Sam.

"Are you going to go talk to her?" he asked quietly, not wanting Kensi to overhear their conversation.

Sam, who had been right on the edge of falling asleep, glanced to his partner, raising an eyebrow. "I have nothing to say to her right now, G."

Callen's stare was stern. "Are you sure about that, Sam?"

"You're serious?" Sam asked incredulously, now turning to face him.

"Sam, whatever is going on between Kensi and Deeks is none of our business...unless, of course, it changes how they work as a team."

"Yeah, but G, Deeks is in the hospital fighting for his life because of her. If she..." Sam started, but Callen cut him off.

"Deeks is in the hospital because he did what Deeks does. You said it yourself. He can't shut off who he is away from the job. He was protecting somebody who needed protecting. If not in DC then maybe in LA. Or maybe in Mammoth had he gone there. Besides, Sam, you really have no right to be upset with her." Callen pointed out. Sam cringed at the comment. His partner was right and he knew it. Callen continued, "Kensi can be tough on Deeks, there's no doubt about that. But that is how they have been since day one. It works for them somehow. You know that either one of them would die for the other at this point. They've always acted more like a couple than partners. Maybe they're figuring that part out right now, the personal side of it...but they have had each other's backs for years. The level of trust they have built may even rival ours, partner." Callen smirked, trying to lighten the mood. Sam chuckled, letting his eyes drop to the floor for a moment.

Sam glanced towards the spot where Kensi sat, her back to them. He turned back to Callen, "You're right, G. I owe her an apology." he nodded in agreement.

Callen smiled, leaning his head back against the headrest and closing his eyes. He held his fist up to his partner and waited for Sam to fist bump him. Sam obliged before standing and walking to the front. Callen opened his eyes long enough to see his partner sit down next to Kensi before letting them fall shut again, drifting off into a restful sleep.

* * *

><p>The doctors in charge of working on Deeks' head wound stood in awe as they looked at the x-rays of the detective's skull again. The knife ran from the left side of his skull to his lower right jawbone. The jawbone had stopped the knife from going any further. After an intense operation that with the slightest slip could have caused the detective to bleed to death, the knife was removed. Miraculously it had missed his optical nerve, passing just behind it. It had missed the nerves that control his sense of taste and smell, also. All indications were that there would be no adverse effects. The doctors agreed that the fact the detective had been unconscious and unaware of the knife in his head was probably what saved him from doing further damage. He still had a nasty bump on the back of his head from the initial fall, which led to a severe concussion, and then there was the bullet wound to the chest. Thankfully, it had been a small caliber round that had hit directly on a rib and deflected off, doing more damage to his chest than internally. The rib was broken by the impact, but the bullet didn't damage any organs. The detective was sedated and resting in a room.<p>

Gibbs, along with Abby and the rest of the team, all sat in the waiting room. They had been there for hours before a doctor approached them.

"I assume you are all waiting for word on Martin Deeks?" he asked tiredly.

Abby jumped up and ran to him, waving her hands frantically. "Yes! How is Marty? Is he still alive? Will he be OK? Can we see him?" she bombarded him with questions, getting right in his face.

The doctor took a step back, holding up a hand.

Gibbs called out to his overenthusiastic scientist. "Abs, give the man some space." he smiled at her.

Abby stood there a moment. "You're right, Gibbs. Sorry doctor." she said politely, impatiently waiting for an update.

"My name is Dr. Isaac. Your friend is out of surgery. He is suffering from a blow to the back of his head. His chest wound was fortunately not near as serious as it could have been. He does have a broken rib and several stitches. The knife wound" he began, pausing when he noticed his audience tense up at the mention of it, "the knife wound, while looking very serious, after removal and observation the prognosis looks promising. His sense of sight, smell and taste should all be intact. The blade missed the nerves, so we remain hopeful that is the case. Brain injuries can be tricky, though, and it depends on the patient. We will have to wait for Mr. Deeks to wake up before we'll know the full extent of the damage. He'll be very sore, and of course, we'll have to keep an eye out for infection. Your friend is a very lucky man. He is currently sedated and resting. We'll keep him for several days for observational purposes. He should be able to go home by the end of the week barring any setbacks."

Abby being Abby, launched herself at the doctor, wrapping him up in a tight hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! That is great news! Now can we see him?" she asked excitedly.

Dr. Isaac smiled. "He's not awake and won't be for quite some time. You can visit him if you'll remain quiet and calm. He is in room 302."

"Thanks, Doc." Gibbs nodded as the team headed off down the hall.

"One more thing you should know." the doctor started, waiting for someone to turn around and acknowledge they were listening. When Gibbs did that, the doctor continued, "Due to his head injury from the fall, mixed with the meds in his system, it is possible when he awakes that he'll be suffering from temporary retrograde amnesia." Dr. Isaac warned.

"Got it. Thanks." Gibbs nodded and turned to catch up with the others. "Hey, Abs...Doc says Deeks may have temporary retrograde amnesia when he wakes up." He stared at her.

She looked at him, confused. "OK. Why are you looking at me that way, Gibbs?"

Gibbs chuckled, "What is it? I know what _amnesia_ is. What's the rest of it mean?"

Abby smiled. "Oh! Well, just like it says, Gibbs, temporary obviously means it won't last, the retrograde part just means that Marty may not remember anything prior to or during his, um...injury. If it was antero..."

"Good enough, Abs, I get it." Gibbs put a finger to her lips to stop her, smiling as he did.

* * *

><p>Kensi was lost in thought as the jet screamed across the sky, taking her closer and closer to her partner. She didn't notice Sam sit down next to her and when he spoke, she flinched.<p>

"How are you holding up, Kensi?" Sam asked, realizing he had startled her.

She glared at him. "Seriously? What do you care, Sam?" she spat out.

Sam felt guilty that she had taken that tone with him. He moved to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder but she shied away from him. He held his hand up, sorry she had reacted to him in that way. "Hey, listen...I know what I said back in Ops was uncalled for. I am in no position to pass down judgment on anyone and their treatment of Deeks. I owe you an apology. I am truly sorry for talking _to_ you and _about_ you like that."

Kensi continued staring at him, but the look on her face softened some at Sam's admission.

"Look, Kensi, I don't expect you to forgive me right this second or act like I never said anything. I understand it will take some time to deal with. I don't know what happened between you and Deeks and I really don't care as long as you two are happy. Just know that I'm here for you...and for Deeks. I owe him for what he did for me. That is a debt I'll never fully be able to repay."

Sam moved to get up but Kensi reached out and grabbed his arm. "Sam." she said, her voice breaking slightly. "Thank you." She let go of him. He smiled softly, nodding, and then walked back to where he had been sitting next to Callen. He leaned his head back and it wasn't long before he, too, had drifted off.

Several hours and one refueling stop later, Jimmy and Pete had landed the jet south of DC in Alexandria. As promised by the director, a chopper was waiting and they were flown directly to the hospital. Once inside, they were directed to the floor Deeks was on where they met with the head nurse on night shift, Ruth. She had been briefed on who these people were to Deeks and to give them full access to anything they needed.

"Martin Deeks is in Room 302. He is heavily sedated and not expected to wake up any time soon." the nurse explained.

Callen asked about his condition. "Ruth, what can you tell us about Deeks' injuries?"

Kensi began to panic at this question, knowing the news may very well be something she was not ready to hear. Sam was anxious, as well. They all hoped their shaggy haired teammate would be able to make a full recovery.

Ruth, anticipating they would ask what shape he was in, had a copy of his file with her. "Mr. Deeks is suffering from a gunshot wound to the chest. Mostly superficial damage, the bullet was a small caliber. It broke a rib and for the most part, that was it. No damage to any organs. The wound did require stitches to close it. He has a concussion sustained when he fell. He lost consciousness and has yet to regain it. The most serious looking of his wounds, the knife to his left temple, has been removed. He was in surgery for almost three hours." She looked up from the chart. "Your friend must live a charmed life." Ruth commented.

"Why do you say that?" Sam asked cautiously.

Callen and Kensi looked at the nurse attentively.

Ruth, sensing that these people were very worried about their friend, quickly finished her thought. "He is very, very lucky to be alive. What's even more unbelievable is that there _appears_ to be no permanent damage. The blade missed every nerve that could have cost him his sight, smell and taste, not to mention arteries that could have led him to bleed out quickly. We won't know anything for sure until Mr. Deeks wakes up, though, but it looks promising. He'll be here under observation for several days, but indications are he should make a full recovery." she explained, smiling when she was done.

Kensi was immediately in tears, sobs overtaking her. All the fear, guilt and tension that had been building - from that night she had backed out of the trip to hearing Deeks get injured over the phone and then watching the video of it to sitting on that jet for the long flight across the US worried that Deeks wouldn't be himself anymore - all released at once at Nurse Ruth's words.

Callen smiled at Sam, the big man shaking his head in wonder at what they had just been told. Callen then looked to Kensi as she tried to gain control of her emotions. When she finally wiped the last of her tears from her face, he grinned at her.

"What did I tell you, Kens?" Callen said with a smug look on his face.

She glared back at him, but there was no malice in her look. In fact, a small grin was growing at the corners of her mouth. "Shut up." she chuckled as he hugged her.

"Come on, let's go find his room." Sam suggested to them.

Ruth offered directions and added, "Special Agent Gibbs and his team are with him now. I'm sure they'll be glad to see you."

The three were surprised to find out Gibbs' whole team had come to stay with the detective. It was well past midnight now here on the east coast and they assumed Deeks was alone. They quickly made their way through the halls until they came upon Room 302. It was a private room. The door was closed but did have a window. Callen, Sam and Kensi stopped short of opening the door. Any thoughts they may have had about Deeks being alone in some strange hospital clear across the country from them were put to rest when they observed the scene through the window. Nurse Ruth had not been exaggerating when she said Gibbs' team was there. Gibbs was standing to the left of Deeks' bed, his left arm in a sling. He just stood there looking at the detective, concern showing on his face. Agent DiNozzo sat in a chair next to where Gibbs stood, his head leaned back, apparently napping. At the foot of the bed stood McGee and Bishop. On Deeks' right side was Abby. She was leaning on the side of the bed, her left hand holding Deeks' right. Callen and Sam smiled at each other at the sight before them. Kensi, however, was not happy to see Abby being so affectionate with her partner. When Abby reached out with her right hand and lightly brushed a lock of Deeks' hair up off his forehead the guys had to keep her from barging in and confronting the scientist.

"Easy there, Kens. Abby is like that with everyone. You have nothing to worry about." Callen promised her.

Kensi blew out a breath. "Of course." she said with her best fake smile.

_**TBC**_

**_Author's note: A big thank you to bookdiva for encouragement and guidance, especially on this chapter. You rock!_**


	10. Chapter 10

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 10**

Shortly after Kensi's little bout with the green-eyed monster, Tony opened his eyes and saw the LA team standing out in the hall. He reached up and tapped Gibbs.

"Hey, boss, looks like the cavalry has arrived." Tony smiled, pointing at the threesome lingering outside the door.

Gibbs, McGee, Bishop and Abby all turned to see who Tony was referring to. When they saw Callen and the other two standing there, they left Deeks' room, stepping out in the hall to welcome them.

Callen shook Gibbs' hand, "Hey, Jethro." he nodded.

Gibbs smiled back, "Callen, good to see you again. Too bad it's at Marty's expense." Gibbs nodded towards the door between them and Deeks. The rest of them all shook hands, or hugged when it came to Abby greeting them. Sam and Callen paid special attention when Abby and Kensi greeted each other, fearing they would make a scene. It was a cool reception, but no claws came out.

Callen looked at Gibbs' team, they all were in dire need of sleep, the day having taken an emotional toll on them.

"Why don't you guys go home and get some rest. We'll stay with Deeks." Callen offered.

McGee, Bishop and DiNozzo all looked at Gibbs with hopeful eyes.

"Go on. Get some rest." Gibbs nodded at them.

"Thanks, boss!" McGee and DiNozzo answered together. This time they did manage a small laugh as they turned and walked down the hall.

Bishop stayed a moment longer. "It was nice meeting all of you." Ellie turned to Abby, "You want a ride home?"

Abby twirled a pigtail as she looked back in the window to Deeks, contemplating on whether or not to leave. She caught the glance that Kensi gave her and decided that she should give the agent some breathing room. She focused on Gibbs and Callen.

"You guys will keep me posted on how he's doing?" she asked worriedly.

Gibbs nodded, "We will, Abs. Go." he encouraged her.

Abby smiled slightly and walked over to the door, raising her hand and placing it on the glass. "Good night, Marty." she whispered gently before turning and nodding at Bishop that she was ready.

Sam and Callen watched Kensi as Abby said good night to Deeks. They could tell that in the few short days Deeks and Abby had spent together they had formed a close bond. If looks could kill, the forensic scientist, with her pigtails and tattoos, would be out cold on the floor right now.

Callen and Sam both had smirks on their faces, and when Kensi noticed them looking at her she shrugged her shoulders.

"What?" she snapped at them, just daring them to say something more.

"Nothing, Kens." Callen chuckled at her.

"Not saying a word." Sam added, trying to wipe the smile off his face.

"I'm going to go sit with Deeks." she huffed and slipped through the door before they could reply.

Callen commented on the female agent's reaction to Abby. "I detect some hostility there." he joked to the guys.

Gibbs laughed. "Ya think?"

Sam chimed in, the smile on his face fading, "Give her a break, G. She's a mess. I'm surprised she's held it together this long."

"Gee, Sam, for being so upset with her earlier you're pretty quick to jump to her defense. What's up with that?" Callen questioned his partner.

"Yes, and you made me realize I didn't have the right to be upset with her. I apologized to her, you know that. She's really being hard on herself. That's not like Kensi. She must have really screwed up to be acting like she is."

"Yeah, well..." Callen glanced through the window at her, "she's as tough as they come. She'll figure it out. Nothing has ever been easy with those two."

Sam nodded in agreement. He turned to Gibbs. "So Hetty says Director Vance stuck you with Deeks for the weekend. Did he drive you nuts with his constant joking? Aside from what happened at the restaurant, how did that go?" Sam tried to lighten the mood again, using Deeks as the butt of the joke as usual. Even though Sam had grown to respect the man, he still found it easy to pick on him lightheartedly. He was unprepared for Gibbs' reply.

Gibbs surprised them both, "Abby warned me he was hurting." Gibbs chuckled. "Abby...well, Abby has a way about her. It didn't take her long to put a smile on his face. He was still hurting, though. He was out with us Friday and Saturday, I figured it would take his mind off whatever was bothering him. Poured himself in to the case we were working - wouldn't have closed it as quick as we did without him. He will be one hell of an agent."

Sam and Callen glanced at each other, both with concern showing on their faces in response to Gibbs' comment. Gibbs continued, "Leon called him up to his office Saturday night. I don't know what was said, but" Gibbs took a step closer to Sam, "when Marty came back down he asked me what it would take to be on my team." Jethro glimpsed at Callen and then back to Sam. "I'd say working with him went well, wouldn't you...Agent Hanna?" Gibbs said Sam's name with a hint of sarcasm as he started down the hallway.

Sam was stunned. He turned and watched as Gibbs sauntered down the hall. He looked at Callen, confusion written all over his face. Callen's eyes were wide with shock, as well.

"Where are you going, Jethro?" Callen called out to Gibbs.

"I need coffee." was the sharp reply that came back from him as he rounded the corner at the end of the hall.

Callen looked through the window. Kensi sat in the chair she had pulled up next to Deeks' bedside. She had intertwined her fingers with his. She sat there just staring at his face. He knew she was anxiously waiting for her partner to wake up. If what Gibbs just told them were true, Callen wondered just how much longer Deeks would be her partner.

"You think he's just messing with us, G?" Sam asked, not really knowing Gibbs like Callen did.

Callen shook his head slowly as he continued to stare at Kensi and Deeks, "I don't know, Sam." He turned to face his partner. "I don't know. But if Deeks is really thinking about quitting? I don't want to be anywhere near her when she finds out. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sam nodded. "No argument there from me."

"We need to make sure she fixes whatever she did so that doesn't happen." Callen decided.

"I don't think its just her, G." Sam said with trepidation.

"I'm not sure I follow, Sam. What do you mean?"

Sam shook his head slowly. "Think about it. Gibbs' whole team was here for him. It's the middle of the night, G. They have only been around Deeks in person since what, Christmas Eve? Four days? Would all of us have been there by his side if this had happened back home?"

Callen cocked his head slightly, "What are you saying, Sam - that they treat him better than we do?" Callen scoffed.

"I don't know, G. You tell me. You saw how they were surrounding him when we got here. Director Vance talked to him one on one? Gibbs said he _will _be a hell of an agent, not would or could be. They all seem to call him by his first name. That doesn't even sound right to me, _Marty._" Sam said their detective's name.

Callen glanced down the hall Gibbs disappeared in and then back to Sam. "Let's go find him and see what the hell is going on."

Sam nodded OK. Callen stuck his head in Deeks' room. Kensi looked up when she heard the door open.

"Hey, Kens. Sam and I are going to go catch up with Gibbs, he went for coffee. You want anything?"

She shook her head. "No, but thanks for asking."

"You OK?" Callen asked when he heard Kensi's voice break.

She looked at Deeks and sighed. "I will be."

* * *

><p>A couple hours later Kensi woke with a start. She sat up, rubbing her neck, running her eyes quickly around the room and realizing it was just herself still there with Deeks. She had fallen asleep at some point, her hand falling off the bed and away from Deeks'. After adjusting her hair and straightening her shirt, Kensi leaned up and studied her partner's face. As far as she could tell he hadn't moved an inch from the last time she had been staring at him.<p>

His breathing was regular, the monitors all quiet save for a normal beep here and there.

"I'm here, Deeks. Please wake up." she whispered softly. "I need you to be OK. The doctor thinks you will be, but won't know for sure until he can talk to you." Kensi smiled, chuckling, "I've never heard you be this quiet before, especially for this long."

She reached out and ran her fingers lightly over the back of his hand. "Monty misses you. Hetty let me keep him with me. Actually, I...I stayed, um...I've been staying at your apartment ever since that night you found me with...um" she closed her eyes and sighed, "ever since you left." Her eyes were filling with tears.

She wiped at them quickly. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm going to go see if I can find the guys. Sam and Callen are here for you, too. I promise I'll be right back, Deeks." She stood up, stretching her legs and back before heading for the door. She glanced back one more time, then slipped out quietly.

She wandered the halls. There was no sign of the guys anywhere. She found a vending machine, seeing it had Twinkies in it made her realize she was hungry. She quickly inserted a dollar bill and made her selection. As she started back for Deeks' room she tore the wrapper off and scarfed down the sweet treat. Deciding she needed to use the restroom, she stepped in to the first women's room she found. She did her business and then washed her hands. She went ahead and splashed some water on her face quickly and grabbed some paper towels to dry off with. She fixed her ponytail and sighed as she looked at her reflection. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she checked for any missed messages or calls. Nothing. She slowly walked back to Room 302.

When she got there she was hoping Sam and Callen would be in the room, but they were not. She opened the door gently and stepped inside. As she walked back to take her place next to Deeks she was surprised to hear her partner's voice.

"Are...are you my nurse?" he asked drowsily.

Kensi jumped, she hadn't noticed his eyes being open when she walked in. "Deeks! Oh my gosh, Deeks...how do you feel?"

Deeks' eyes frantically scanned the room and then settled on Kensi. "Are you my nurse?" he asked again. "Why am I in a hospital? Where am I?" his voice sounding panicked.

"Deeks." she said with a warning tone to her voice. Kensi smiled, remembering the time he was shot before, and he faked not knowing who she was, or even himself.

"What happened to me?" he sounded very distressed now and Kensi noticed his blood pressure and heart rate were climbing on the monitors.

"It's me, Deeks. Your partner, Kensi. Remember?" She was beginning to think maybe he wasn't faking this time. "Come on, Deeks. Please tell me you know who I am." she coaxed him anxiously.

"Ke...Kensi? You're n...n...not my nurse?" he asked again. The monitors were really making noise now and Kensi wondered why a doctor or nurse hadn't come to check on him yet.

Deeks' eyes grew wide. Suddenly his eyes rolled back in his head and he started shaking. His mouth flew open, a guttural sound coming out. His arms began lifting off the bed then. Still nobody had come to help.

"Deeks!" Kensi screamed, trying to grab an arm to calm him down.

He jerked violently, slamming his arms down on the bed. The IV in his left hand ripped out, blood immediately began running from the spot where the needle had been. His back arched, lifting his whole body up so just the heels of his feet and his shoulders touched the bed. The sound coming from him so unnatural Kensi was scared to death.

"Deeks, oh my God Deeks!" Kensi cried. She ran for the door and threw it open. "Help! Please help him!" she yelled as the team of doctors and nurses finally came running.

"Stay outside, ma'am." A nurse held Kensi back.

"No! I need to be with him, please!" Kensi protested, trying to push by.

"Ma'am, do not fight me. You cannot be in the room while they are with him. You have to stay outside!" the nurse warned.

Just then Sam and Callen came running. "Kensi! Is Deeks OK? What happened?" Callen asked as they reached her.

"I...I don't know! I went to look for you two and use the restroom. When I came back, he...he was awake. But he...uh, he didn't know who I was. He thought...he thought I was his nurse. I thought he was joking at first, but then he...uh, he started shaking and I...nobody came...and I was trying to calm him down..." she trailed off, the sobs overtaking her.

Sam grabbed her and hugged her to him. "It's OK, Kensi. Calm down. It'll be OK." Sam kept telling her. Callen looked on worriedly as the team huddled around Deeks, making sure he didn't hurt himself. What seemed like an eternity passed before Deeks' body relaxed again, although it was probably no more than a minute at most.

Callen turned and met Sam's gaze, the big man's eyes full of worry. Kensi was crying into Sam's chest as he rubbed her back, still trying to calm her. Callen shook his head slowly as he turned back to the room, wondering if their teammate was really going to be OK or not.

_**TBC**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any of it, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 11**

Kensi, who had finally calmed down, turned to watch through the window with Sam and Callen as the team of doctors worked on Deeks. From what they could tell, Deeks had fully relaxed and appeared to be sleeping again. His IV was replaced and his blood pressure and heart rate had returned to normal. One by one the team that had come running to help Deeks left his room. All had the same reply to their questions, "Wait for the doctor to give you an update."

Finally, the doctor left Deeks' room and approached Callen, Sam and Kensi. "Hello, I'm Dr. Isaac. You must be Martin Deeks' teammates from LA?" he asked. They shook their heads.

Callen asked quickly, "Is he going to be OK?" Kensi waited anxiously for the answer, holding her breath.

"As I told Agent Gibbs and his team, Mr. Deeks' prognosis looks promising, but there are no guarantees with this type of injury. Until I can talk to him I won't know for certain the extent of the damage done. The seizure he just suffered is not uncommon. So...Miss?" the doctor looked to Kensi.

"Oh, sorry! Agent Blye." Kensi offered quickly.

Dr. Isaac nodded. "Agent Blye, you were with him when he seized, correct?"

Kensi swallowed hard and shook her head yes.

"Did he say anything to you before it happened?" he asked.

"Yes. He asked me if I was his nurse. I... I thought he was joking at first."

"Why would you think such a thing?" the doctor asked.

"Um... well, a few years ago he was shot, and I... when he woke up he acted like he didn't know me. Pretended to not know who he was, either. It was just... I thought he was doing it again. But then I noticed how his eyes were panicky, his blood pressure was rising on the monitor. I told him who I was and he asked me again if I was his nurse. That's when he, uh... that's when it happened," she explained.

"OK. Good. How did it happen, exactly?"

"Well, he uh... his eyes got wide and then rolled back. He started shaking... and then this noise... um, the noise he was making..." Kensi couldn't finish her thought. The memory of seeing and hearing her partner like that was overwhelming her and rendering her speechless.

"That's alright, Agent Blye. I've heard enough. The amnesia, it's not uncommon for an injury like this, either. We'll have to wait for him to wake up again and see how he is doing. He may still not remember anything, or his memory could have returned by then. Until then, let's just let him rest, OK?" the doctor asked.

They agreed and the doctor walked away. Kensi turned to Sam and Callen. Without her saying a word, they knew what she was thinking.

"We're sorry we weren't here, Kensi," Sam apologized.

She sighed heavily. "I looked all over for you two! Where the hell did you go?" she asked angrily.

Callen looked at Sam quickly. Kensi caught the glance and knew right away something was up. She was about to ask when Callen spoke.

"It took us a while to find Gibbs. Once we did, we visited... caught up on old times." Callen stated.

She knew he wasn't being truthful, or at the very least, not telling her everything. "What are you not telling me Callen? And don't lie to me. I can tell you're hiding something from me," she threatened.

Callen smirked, trying to deflect, but glanced to his partner for help.

Sam had a 'deer caught in the headlights' look in his eyes, but he too tried to play it off. "Come on, Kensalino, we were just talking like guys do. Sharing stories... you know." Sam tried hard, but he could tell by the look on Kensi's face she wasn't buying it.

"I don't believe you. There's something else, I can feel it. It has to do with Deeks, and you're afraid to tell me," she said confidently as she stared down the two senior agents.

Again Sam and Callen shared a quick glance between them. Neither one knew what to say, so they kept quiet and just stood there looking at Kensi.

"Fine! You're too chicken to tell me? Where's Gibbs? Is he still here? I'll go ask him. I'm sure he's man enough to deal with me," she taunted. When they still wouldn't say anything, Kensi peered in at her partner and then spun around, stalking off down the hallway.

"Kensi! Come on, don't be that way!" Sam called after her, but it was no use. She disappeared down the same hall Gibbs had a few hours earlier.

"Let her go, Sam," Callen encouraged his partner.

Sam looked to Callen, unsure that was the best plan.

"If he is still here and she finds him, Sam, better that she learns the truth from Gibbs than us," Callen reasoned.

Sam nodded slowly. "I guess you're right, G. I still don't think Deeks will quit on us. Once he's awake and alert and can talk to Kensi. She will fix it."

"Let's hope so, partner." Callen said as he patted Sam on the shoulder. He opened the door to Deeks' room and sat down in the chair Agent DiNozzo had previously sat in. Sam chuckled as he, too, stepped in and sat down. Both watched their shaggy haired detective sleep.

* * *

><p>Kensi made the rounds, wandering through the halls again. She didn't expect to find Gibbs, she'd only threatened that in hopes the guys would cave and fill her in on what they knew. Her mind was in overdrive, working different scenarios as to what Gibbs might have told the guys. Was it work related? Did Deeks say something to Gibbs about his job back in LA? Was he planning on resigning his liaison position and going back full time to LAPD? Was what had transpired between the two of them finally the straw that broke the camel's back with Deeks?<p>

He had been so patient with her, just like he promised. The words Hetty said to her at Deeks' apartment that night filled her head again... "Mr. Deeks has always had your back, Ms. Blye. He is a very strong man, as you well know, but everyone has their breaking point."

Had she broken him? She shook her head, trying to clear that thought out of her mind. She refused to believe it. Another thought came to her. Had Gibbs tried to recruit Deeks? Maybe that was it. Deeks wouldn't move to DC, would he? Surely he wouldn't consider giving up the warmth of LA to live out here, she reasoned with herself.

She stopped suddenly, her eyebrows shooting up as something else crossed her mind. Abby! Had something happened between Deeks and Abby? Kensi's face flushed as the anger and jealousy built up inside her. Abby seemed awfully chummy with her partner in the few minutes she had witnessed them together, Abby holding his hand and playing with his hair. The way she said goodbye to him when she left. The way she called him by his first name - although Gibbs' whole team seemed to do that, she argued with herself. Surely Deeks wouldn't go there, would he? Kensi stifled a groan. Why wouldn't he?- she thought. She certainly had no room to talk. In a matter of a few hours on that night that set this whole string of events in motion, she had gone from going on a trip with her partner/best friend/potentially-so-much-more... to letting a complete stranger pick her up for a night of meaningless sex. The fact that she came to her senses and didn't go through with it was irrelevant. Deeks hadn't known that little tidbit of information at the time. Was Abby a willing participant in letting Deeks get some payback for what he thought she had done?

It was true, neither had a claim on the other. They were not in a committed relationship. And yet, in an unspoken acknowledgment of their 'thing' that they danced around for so long, they had only been hanging out with each other when they found themselves with down time. She remembered the look in Deeks' eyes that night when he confronted her outside that club. The pain she had inflicted on him by pretending she didn't know him. The loss she saw in his eyes caused by how quickly she was willing to betray him. All because of her unwillingness, confusion - _her fear_ - to admit to him what he meant to her. She decided right then that if something had indeed happened between him and Abby, it was something she would work past. It was her own fault. Losing Deeks was not an option.

* * *

><p>As Kensi contemplated what the guys were withholding from her, halfway around the hospital Sam and Callen sat and watched as Deeks started to fidget in bed. His eyes were closed but they could see them moving under his lids. His face twitched once in a while, as did his hands. He started moving his legs slightly under his blankets.<p>

Callen pulled his phone out and sent Kensi a text about Deeks getting restless.

"You think I should go find a nurse, G?"

No sooner than Sam had asked, a nurse stepped in to the room. Callen looked at Sam worriedly.

"Is everything OK with him?" Callen asked her. She smiled but didn't answer his question.

"Can you gentlemen wait on the other side of the curtain?" the nurse asked politely as she pulled it out and around the foot of the bed, blocking the view to anyone who might pass by and look in the window. Several minutes passed by before the nurse pulled the curtain back.

"Your friend is doing fine. He was sedated after his seizure this morning. His movements are nothing to worry about. He'll sleep for quite a while before waking again." she explained calmly.

"Thanks." Sam said as she walked out the door. Before the door had swung shut Kensi came running in.

"Is he awake? Is he OK?" she asked breathlessly.

Sam held his hands up. "The nurse says he's fine. Deeks is sedated and won't be awake again for a while."

Kensi sighed as she glanced at her partner. "So now what? We just sit here and stare at him for hours?" Kensi asked exasperatedly.

Callen, hoping he wouldn't regret it, asked, "How is that any different than back at the bullpen, Kens?"

Sam couldn't help but chuckle as he looked at his partner, surprised G went there.

Kensi felt her face flush as she looked at Callen with wide eyes. "What? I think you have that backwards there, Callen. Deeks stares at me." she argued.

Callen smirked, glancing at Sam. "It's your story, Kens," the team leader continued to joke with her.

She shook her head, a slight smile showing at the corners of her mouth. "Shut up."

Sam changed the subject. "Why don't we do like Gibbs suggested and take the car they left for us. We can go check in at the hotel they reserved and get some rest ourselves."

Kensi started to protest. She really didn't want to leave her partner and wouldn't mind sitting there for hours with him. Callen finally was able to convince her.

"Kens, as soon as something changes, if it does at all, they will call us right away. He is in good hands here. Deeks will be fine."

She agreed and after checking on him one last time, they grabbed their bags and went to find the car Gibbs had parked outside for them.

* * *

><p>Several hours later Callen got a call from Gibbs. Given the slow day and no new case, Gibbs had released his team early and taken Abby with him to the hospital. Deeks was still out but showing signs of possibly waking again soon.<p>

Callen let him know they would get ready and meet them there.

"Guys, that was Jethro. He and Abby are at the hospital. He said Deeks might be waking up again soon. We should go be there for him," Callen explained.

"What are they doing there? Don't they have a case or something?" Kensi asked, more than a little perturbed that Abby was there with Deeks and she wasn't.

"Slow day," was Callen's quick reply.

They drove to the hospital in silence, and both Sam and Callen knew something was off with Kensi. Once they arrived and parked the car Callen asked Kensi if she was alright. Both the senior agents noticed how she had closed up when she found out Abby was at the hospital.

"I'm fine," she claimed. Sam looked at Callen, shaking his head slightly. They both knew when Kensi said she was fine that it was a lie. They had learned that from Deeks while Kensi was in Afghanistan.

They took an elevator up to Deeks' floor. The first thing they noticed was that the curtain was pulled around his bed again. Gibbs and Abby were standing there talking while a nurse, they presumed, was checking Deeks. They stepped into the room quietly. The guys exchanged pleasantries with each other while Kensi would barely look at Abby.

They had been standing there for just a few minutes when they heard the nurse gasp, and then Deeks' voice filled the room.

"Where is she? Is she OK? Did I get there in time? He was going to stab her! Gibbs! Where am I?" Deeks was struggling with the nurse, trying to get out of bed.

The nurse yelled for Agent Gibbs and he ducked behind the curtain quickly. Sam and Callen held Abby and Kensi back, not wanting to cause Deeks any more stress than he was already under.

Deeks saw Gibbs and immediately started to relax. "Gibbs! Is she OK?"

Gibbs smiled and nodded, "She's OK, Marty. You did good."

"The guy with the knife?" Deeks asked anxiously.

Gibbs smiled again. "We got him. He's with Ducky."

Deeks smiled at that. "We got him? Good. Good to know."

"How do you feel, detective?" Gibbs asked cheerfully, relieved that Deeks seemed to be OK and aware, albeit a little confused as to why he was in the hospital.

"Um... what the hell happened?" Deeks demanded.

Gibbs chuckled. "We'll go over that shortly. Right now you've got some visitors. Callen, Sam and your partner are here. Would you like to see them?" The LA team were getting ready to move out from behind the curtain when Deeks' next question stopped them in their tracks.

Deeks, not realizing his team stood just on the other side of the curtain, asked the next thing that came to mind after finding out that the pregnant woman from the attack was alright. "Where's Abby? Can I see her?"

Abby smiled as she turned towards the voice asking for her. Sam and Callen looked at each other, shocked that it didn't even seem to register with Deeks that Gibbs said they were there to see him. They turned to check on Kensi. She was gone. The door was just swinging shut behind her as she ran down the hall.

_**TBC**_

_**A/N: Thanks again to bookdiva for taking the time to check this over for me. Any mistakes are mine, however. Thanks to all that have shown interest in this, it's much appreciated.**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS:LA, NCIS or anything to do with them, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 12**

"Go after her, G. I'll stay here with Deeks." Sam instructed his partner.

Callen nodded in the affirmative and turned to chase down Kensi. He didn't have to go far. She had made it about half way down the hallway before she collapsed against the wall outside of a supply room. She sat with her back against the wall, knees pulled up, her head in her hands. Callen could see her shoulders shaking and realized she was not mad about what just happened, she was crying. It freaked him out a little. He was not used to seeing her like this.

"Kens, you OK?" he approached her slowly, not wanting to startle her.

She hurriedly tried to wipe the tears from her face and regain her composure. Sensing her embarrassment, Callen didn't come any closer and focused his attention down the hall, giving her a few moments.

"You mean other than the fact that I've made a mockery of the best thing that has ever happened to me... and turned the most important person in my life against me? Yeah, then I'm doing great," she said with self-loathing, continuing to wipe at her eyes.

Callen was at a loss for words. This was a Kensi he had never witnessed and he really didn't know how to react. The longer he stood there, the more awkward the situation became. He just stared at her, a confused look on his face. When she met his gaze she sort of snorted.

"What's the matter, Callen? Never seen a woman cry before?" Kensi asked sarcastically.

"I've seen plenty of women cry, Kens... just never you. It seems you're making up for lost time lately," Callen admitted.

She shook her head slightly in agreement. "Yeah," she whispered as she looked away from him.

"What happened? What could you have possibly done that is so bad you think Deeks would turn on you?"

Kensi let loose one of her famous cackling laughs Deeks always gave her grief for. "Oh, you'd be surprised, Callen." Kensi sighed. "I'm so stupid." She dropped her head, staring at her hands in her lap. "The day we went skating? Earlier that day he had asked me to go on the trip with him and I agreed right away. By the time we were at the skating rink I was panicking. I was afraid of my feelings for Deeks... so I uh, I backed out. I chickened out and—this is where I really lost my mind—I told myself I didn't need Deeks in my life in that way, so I went to one of my old haunts and let some guy pick me up. Deeks being Deeks, he found me leaving with the guy." Kensi's voice was breaking again. "He knew I was making a mistake, and he tried to make me see that... My _date _slugged Deeks, punched him right in the jaw, Callen! Right… right across his jaw. And I... I acted like I didn't know him. I left him standing there with a bloody mouth and made him watch me walk away with some loser!" Kensi admitted to him what she had done.

Callen was stunned. "OK. Wow," He stared at her in shock. "But you didn't go through with the date, right?" he finally spit out.

"No! I realized he was right and I made the guy pull over and drop me off. I tried calling Deeks, but he wouldn't answer. I took a cab home, got in my car and drove straight to his place. He wasn't there. I kept trying to call him but it kept going to voicemail. I left his apartment to go look for him and that's when I passed Hetty. I turned around and found her at Deeks'. She was there to pick up Monty."

It was all falling into place in Callen's mind now. "So that was when you found out Deeks had gone to DC?" he stated.

She nodded. "I was able to talk to him a couple times once he was here. The first time...I told him I...um, I told him he was right and that I had bailed on that guy and nothing happened."

"What did he say?"

"He said we shouldn't have that discussion over the phone and that he would call me on Sunday..." she trailed off, remembering hearing what happened over the phone and replaying the video of it in her mind.

"So you weren't kidding about being on the phone with him?" Callen asked, surprised. "In the video, that's really you he's talking to."

Kensi shook her head but didn't say anything. She looked up at Callen. The hopelessness he saw there frightened him. He held out his hand. "Come on, get up," he told her.

She reached up and took his hand, letting him pull her to her feet and into his arms. He hugged her in a big-brotherly way.

"I don't get the attitude with Abby, though, Kens. What's going on?" Callen wondered aloud.

Kensi scoffed, "Isn't it obvious? Clearly she has a thing for... for Deeks. And apparently he feels the same way about her. You heard him, Callen. When Gibbs said we were here it was like it went right over his head. He asked for Abby, not even paying any notice to what Gibbs said!" Kensi declared.

"Your partner just woke up from a very serious head wound. Doc said he could still be dealing with some amnesia, Kens. Maybe our names didn't register because they didn't sound familiar to him. He woke up as if he were still at the crime scene. Abby was with him there. So was Gibbs," Callen tried to explain away the reason Deeks didn't acknowledge them. It made sense to him, he just hoped it did to Kensi, as well.

He looked her in the eyes. He could tell she was contemplating what he said, which he was glad for. She nodded slowly.

"I suppose you could be right." she agreed finally.

He smiled, "Come on, let's go see how he is." Callen pulled her by the hand back towards Deeks' room.

* * *

><p>Deeks' eyes lit up when he saw Abby appear from behind the curtain. "Abby!" Deeks smiled, but then it faded. "I'm sorry, Abs." Deeks looked down at his chest, suddenly becoming aware of the bandages there.<p>

"Hi, Marty! I'm so glad you're awake. What are you sorry for?" she asked, confused.

"Um... for ruining our dinner plans? Weren't we meeting everyone at the restaurant?" he asked guiltily.

"Do not apologize for that, do you hear me? You saved that woman's life!" Abby admonished the detective.

"Yeah, OK." He started touching the bandage over his bullet wound. He looked up at Gibbs. "So what happened to me? What is this?" he pointed to his chest.

Gibbs looked at the nurse, as if asking for permission to answer. She shook her head no and said she would go get the doctor.

"Let's not worry about that right now." Gibbs smirked. "Doc will come and talk to you soon."

While Gibbs was talking with Deeks Sam stepped into view. Deeks was still looking at his chest and didn't realize there was someone else in the room yet. When he did notice Sam, he froze.

"Hey, Deeks," Sam nodded at his teammate, smiling genuinely. "Good to have you back. You had us worried."

Deeks studied Sam's face for a moment, then looked to Gibbs with a questioning glance before returning his gaze to Sam.

"How... how do you know my name?" Deeks asked, very concerned by the fact this man knew who he was.

Sam looked at Deeks and rolled his eyes. "Come on, Deeks. You might be able to trick Kensi like that, but I'm not falling for it. How are you really feeling?"

"Kensi? I don't know a Kensi... Why are you even here? Don't you have some fight to be winning or something?" Deeks said sarcastically. He looked at Gibbs. "This is the guy that took my spot on the Warriors after Zuna died. Shows up out of nowhere. Janklow let him on the team after I spent months working that op." Deeks shook his head in disgust. "Don't trust him, no matter what he says. He should know me as Jason Wyler. I don't know how he found out who I really am."

Gibbs looked at Sam, raising an eyebrow in question. Sam was stunned. He didn't know what to say. It was obvious Deeks was not playing around. He returned Gibbs' look with a shrug of his shoulders and motioned for Gibbs to follow him.

"Keep him company, Abs," Gibbs told her as she looked on worriedly.

Gibbs stepped out in the hall with Sam. "Any idea what the hell that was about?" Gibbs inquired.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. When we first met Deeks he was undercover as Jason Wyler at an MMA gym. His case ended up falling under NCIS jurisdiction. I went under as a fighter to get on the team. Victor Janklow ran the place, made me a deal. If I could beat Wyler, I was on the team." Sam chuckled as he recalled that night. "He put up a hell of a fight, but I won. Afterwards he confronted me in the alley and LAPD arrested us both. That's when it was revealed Deeks was working the same case we were but from the LAPD side. We joined forces and took the place down. That was when Hetty brought him in as our liaison." Sam explained.

"What's going on, Sam?" Callen asked as he and Kensi walked up to them.

Sam shook his head. "It's not good. He thinks I'm from the Blood and Guts Warriors. He's worried I know him as Deeks. He thinks I should know him as Jason Wyler."

"No, no, no... That's crazy, Sam!" Kensi protested as she pushed her way past Sam and ran in the room.

"Kensi!" Sam tried to stop her, but it was too late. They all followed her back in, worried what would happen when Deeks saw her.

Kensi pulled the curtain back and stepped around it. "Deeks!" she called out to him. His eyes grew wide when he saw her. "It's me, Deeks." She said softly, pleading with her eyes for him to know who she was.

"Tracy?" Deeks asked, confusion overwhelming him. "How do you two know my name? Maybe the better question is why? Did Bates bring you in on this and forget to tell me?"

Kensi looked at Sam, covering her mouth with her hand. Callen patted her on the shoulder.

"Let me guess, you're not really a taxi driver, are you?" Deeks challenged his team leader. "Will someone tell me what the hell is going on here, please? Gibbs, get me Bates. I've told him a thousand times not to bring outsiders in without warning me first. He's gonna get me killed one of these days, not that anyone gives a damn!" Deeks spat, clearly agitated.

Dr. Isaac entered the room with the nurse. He could tell by the look on everyone's faces that something wasn't right. He looked at Gibbs and pulled him aside. Quietly he inquired about Marty, "How does he seem, Agent Gibbs?"

Gibbs glanced at Marty and then explained the situation to the doctor.

"He seems to know you and Abby, but his teammates are characters he met while undercover years ago, is that about right?" Dr. Isaac questioned Gibbs.

Gibbs nodded yes. The doctor approached Deeks and introduced himself.

"Can you tell me why I'm here?" Deeks wondered.

Dr. Isaac looked at Deeks, watching his eyes then glancing at the monitors. His blood pressure and heart rate were elevated slightly, but nothing to worry about.

"Detective Deeks, can you tell me who work for?" the doctor began quizzing Deeks.

"LAPD," Deeks acted irritated as he answered.

"Can you tell me where you are right now?"

Deeks rolled his eyes. "Is this some kind of joke? Isn't it obvious? OK, I'll play along. I'm in the hospital. There, are you happy now?"

Sam, Callen and Kensi all shared a knowing glance, all of them smiling slightly at Deeks being... well, Deeks. They took that as a good sign that at least the Deeks they knew was still here, just a little lost.

"And where is the hospital, detective?" Dr. Isaac asked, looking to the monitors before glancing at Gibbs.

"Well, I don't know the address, but I'll assume somewhere in Washington DC," Deeks sneered.

"Good. OK, let's try this... Who does Agent Gibbs work for?" Everyone waited with bated breath for the answer.

"NCIS, of course. So does Abby. What does any of this have to do with me?" Deeks was growing more and more upset.

The doctor once again checked the monitors and then continued, "Detective, were you working with Gibbs here in DC?"

Deeks blew out a breath. "Yes! Now would you please..."

Dr. Isaac cut him off, "If you are an LAPD detective and Gibbs is NCIS, why are you here in DC working on a case with him?"

They all watched as the shaggy haired detective struggled for an answer. His eyes glanced around the room quickly, scanning all his visitors' faces. He ran his right hand through his hair, shaking his head slowly as he searched for the reason why he would be there. Deeks looked up again, his gaze settling on the three from LA. He knew they were the odd men out in this equation, but he couldn't put it together. He turned to Gibbs and then finally, to Abby. He blew out a nervous breath.

The doctor kept watching the monitors as his heart rate and blood pressure continued to rise. Deeks started tapping his foot under the blankets.

"Um..." he ran his left hand along his jaw, where there was still the faintest of bruises showing through his scruff, before running his fingers over his mouth. Kensi knew her partner was in trouble the moment he did that. She knew that was one of his tells when he was really nervous or worried.

Deeks chuckled, but there was no humor in it. He looked at the doctor, completely perplexed. "I... um, I'm here because... uh" he trailed off, shaking his head yet again.

The doctor prodded, "Go ahead, detective. Why are you here?"

Deeks looked to his teammates once again, and then his eyes lost focus as they rolled back and he suffered through a seizure for the second time that day.

As his body shook and arched the doctor and nurse stood on either side of him. Dr. Isaac directed Gibbs, Sam and Callen to just stand by to help insure that the detective didn't work himself out of the bed as his body fought with itself. Kensi looked on, in shock to see her partner have to go through this again.

Abby stood back, a look of horror on her face. "Marty!" She cried out as his friends, the doctor, and nurse huddled around him, letting the seizure run its course.

This one didn't last as long and it wasn't as violent as the first, and for that Kensi was grateful. As his body calmed and he was once again resting comfortably, the doctor addressed the group.

"Let's step outside, shall we? The nurse will stay with your friend for now." Dr. Isaac motioned for the them all to leave.

Once they were standing outside Deeks' room, Kensi was the first to ask about her partner.

"Why does he keep doing that? And why does he not remember who we are?"

"There are several factors, any number of them - or in combination with each other - could be causing both the amnesia and seizures. It is not uncommon. Like I've said before, these cases depend highly on the individual. Detective Deeks seems to know who he is, which is good. He knows Ms. Sciuto and Agent Gibbs here. That is also a good sign. The fact that he recognizes the three of you," he said, looking at the LA team, "albeit not for your true selves, but as the people you were portraying when he first met you, tells me there is more going on here than just the physical trauma."

"What do you mean?" Sam demanded, a little unsettled after seeing his friend struggle like he did. If Sam were being honest, it took him right back to that dirty body shop where Sidorov tortured them both.

"The retrograde amnesia is brought on by the injury caused by the knife. This episode seems more like a psychogenic type, what we refer to as situation-specific amnesia," Dr. Isaac claimed.

"In English, Doc?" Gibbs asked, irritated.

"Well, has your friend suffered from a severely stressful event recently?" the doctor asked.

Sam and Callen looked at Kensi and then back at each other.

"How recent, doctor?" Callen requested.

"And could it be more than one event?" Sam threw in for good measure, seeing the guilt clouding Kensi's eyes. He didn't want her to blame herself, although if what the doctor was explaining to them were true, it very well could be her fault.

"Yes, it could be. Why, has something happened that you may think is causing this?" Dr. Isaac was curious.

"Deeks and I were captured and tortured a little over a year ago. He suffered from PTSD, but he got through it." Sam offered.

The doctor nodded. "I read about that in his file. I saw the handiwork in his mouth while we were viewing his x-rays. That could be part of it, but it was probably something more recent than that."

Callen added, "His partner was sent on a classified mission and was away for months. She was captured. Sam, Deeks and I were sent to rescue her. Deeks was shown a photo made to look like Kensi had been murdered before we found her alive. He struggled with that. It was within the last year."

Kensi gasped when she heard Callen explain about the photo. She recalled seeing it herself in the reports. It was gruesome. She was shocked that Deeks had seen it. She knew he struggled with something that happened over there but she could never get him to talk about it. The memory still fresh in her mind how she felt when she saw the video of Deeks taking the knife to his temple, not knowing if he was alive - she shuddered at what that must have been like for him seeing her that way.

The doctor shook his head. "Anything else you can think of?"

Sam and Callen again shared a concerned glance, but said nothing.

Kensi stepped forward, sighing as she looked at Dr. Isaac. "Is there somewhere we can talk in private?"

**_TBC_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 13**

The doctor looked at the distressed agent and nodded. "Follow me." He directed her. They went down the hall and he stepped in to an empty room. Dr. Isaac turned to Kensi and waited for her to speak.

"Deeks and I are...we're...uh, he is in DC because of something I did that hurt him, Dr. Isaac. I really...uh...I really hurt him." Kensi stammered. "We're not just...well, we are...uh, were _trying_ to be more than just partners, doctor, and I got...um...confused? Scared, maybe?" she cackled again, before continuing, "I have no idea why I did what... well, I didn't, but still -" she paused, huffing out a breath nervously. "So, yeah...not one of my proudest moments, to be sure." Kensi dropped her eyes from the doctor's acute stare.

Dr. Isaac didn't reply right away, and Kensi kept her gaze averted from the doctor's as she began to feel more awkward with each passing second.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" Kensi asked dejectedly.

Finally the doctor spoke. "Agent Blye, while whatever happened between you and your...partner may have a hand in what is causing this type of amnesia, it is not the sole reason. Please, do not blame yourself. It will not help him and surely will do nothing to make you feel better."

Kensi looked at the man again and nodded, appreciating his attempt at making her feel less guilty. "Thank you."

"What can you tell me about the detective? I suspect you know a little more about him personally than the rest of your team." he asked curiously.

She smiled slightly. "Yes, I suppose I do."

The doctor smiled, encouraged to have some insight to who the man was. "Does he have family, siblings - children?"

"No! No children. No brothers or sisters. Uh, just us." meaning herself and the team.

"Do you know anything about his childhood?" Dr. Isaac prodded.

Her eyes widened at that question. She took a deep breath and began telling the doctor what she knew of her partner's hellish time as a young boy.

* * *

><p>Deeks had lain there for what felt like days, when in reality it had been just over 24 hours since he had been transported to the hospital. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally. The last conscious memory he had was that of a pregnant woman arguing with a man. In his hand the man held a knife. Deeks had called out to him to drop the knife as he ran to try to protect the woman. He remembers getting out of a cab with Abby before that. They were going to be having dinner with Ducky and the rest of the team. The...the team? He recalls seeing Gibbs and the others as he and Abby exited the cab. They waved at them...and...he...he just couldn't remember anything else. There's something nagging in the back of his mind. He just can't put his finger on it. Earlier when he awoke, there was a nurse tending to him. All he could think about was the woman, though. Was she safe? He started asking questions, he wanted Gibbs to assure him everything was going to be alright. When Jethro came into view, Deeks was relieved. He was starting to accept that he was in a hospital, although he had no recollection of how he wound up there. All he knew for sure was that he had a raging headache and his chest hurt.<p>

That was when he saw the MMA fighter at his bedside. DeMarco Williams, Deeks thought...what the hell is this guy doing here? He was even more surprised when the man called him by his real name. This can't be good, he thought.

He explained to Gibbs how he knew Williams. He noticed both Gibbs and Williams acted a little confused, and they confirmed that by sharing a glance before leaving the room together. Abby had tried to talk to him when they left, but she, too, seemed worried about his reaction to the big man.

Before he could think about it further, he heard another familiar voice, female this time, call out to him. It was Danny's girl, Tracy...but for some reason he had his doubts about this...beautiful... woman before him. She had used his real name, too - and the look in her eyes as she stared at him was one of what? Longing? It was as if she was pleading with him with her eyes. He almost felt bad at her reaction to him calling her Tracy, it was one of shock...and something else - regret?

Quickly his attention was caught by another familiar face. The cab driver that had picked Tracy up at Zuna's house that day he had found her snooping around. This was definitely more than a coincidence. When he questioned them about Bates, all three of them had surprised, saddened looks on their faces. Then a doctor started asking him questions, and he was getting irritated, anxious...scared, because he knew his answer - or inability - to answer the last question was not what the doctor or the rest of the people in the room were wanting from him. He remembers the room spinning and then blackness surrounding him.

Deeks became aware of someone moving around him. He listened for a little while, not opening his eyes just yet. He heard the constant beep of the monitors he was hooked to. Someone was definitely in the room with him. He heard soft, receding footsteps and the unmistakeable whoosh of the door as it opened. He listened intently. When the door opened he could hear familiar voices outside the room in the hall. It was the taxi driver, DeMarco and Gibbs. They were talking about him. The door closed before he could make sense of what they were saying. He definitely heard the word amnesia, though, of that he was sure. The last thought before finally giving in to the exhaustion was that of the three familiar faces and who they were to him.

* * *

><p>It was late in the afternoon back in Ops - Eric, Nell and Hetty were very anxiously waiting on word from Callen on Deeks' condition. Last report was that Deeks had suffered a seizure and had been sedated again. He had not been awake long enough for the doctors or team to assess his mental state.<p>

As the three stood huddled in a cozy group by the wonder twins' desks, they heard the door to Ops slide open. They were all surprised when Assistant Director Owen Granger strolled in slowly. He was dressed in his normal light colored suit, and his face, although looking a little rough, still wore his familiar scowl.

"Owen, how are you feeling?" Hetty was the first to speak to the assistant director.

The man grimaced slightly, "Better every day. Thank you for asking. Where is Callen and the rest of the team?" He asked as he glanced around the room.

Hetty glanced at Eric and Nell before looking back to Granger. "They are in DC right now, Owen."

"Washington? What the hell for, Henrietta?" Granger asked grouchily.

"They are there for Mr. Deeks." Hetty stated without elaborating, clasping her hands in front of her.

"I'm almost afraid to ask...what is Deeks doing in DC?" Granger questioned sarcastically as he glared at the three standing before him.

Hetty sighed and turned to Eric. "Mr. Beale, would you show the assistant director what you found, please?"

Eric swallowed hard, and as he pushed his glasses up, nodded while he started tapping keys on his tablet.

"I can't watch this again." Nell declared, her voice breaking as she ran from the room.

Granger watched as the small analyst disappeared and then turned to Hetty, his brow furrowed.

"There was an incident involving our Mr. Deeks late yesterday afternoon, DC time, outside a restaurant. He had been there visiting Jethro and his team. His flight back to LA had been canceled, so he was able to join the team in a post Christmas dinner there. They were meeting at the restaurant when this occurred." Hetty narrated, pointing to the big screen.

Granger watched as the cab pulled up. He recognized Deeks and the forensic scientist from Gibbs' team when they exited, Deeks leaning back in to pay. He caught Gibbs and other members to the right. That was when he noticed the couple arguing seemingly right under the camera. He watched Deeks' reaction in the background. The detective was on a cell phone, but shoved it back towards Abby and started moving towards the couple. The assistant director hadn't noticed the knife until now, and without seeing another second of the video he knew something terrible was about to happen.

Hetty watched Owen, his eyes never leaving the screen. He did one of his little stutter step moves he does when things are getting tense or he feels something is about to happen. His jaw was clamped tight. He had removed his hands from his pockets. They were balled into fists now, clenching and releasing nervously. The video was fast approaching its horrific end. She didn't have to see the gory image of her detective sprawled there on the cold sidewalk with a knife sticking up grotesquely out of his head again. She could tell the moment it happened in the assistant director's expression of utter shock and grief, his eyes growing wide and then slowly closing as he dropped his head.

"Dear God." Granger mumbled softly. He raised his head and looked at Hetty. "So the team, they went to bring him home?" he commented, more a statement than a question.

Hetty nodded, "Yes, they did. They are with him now."

"Will LAPD be handling the arrangements or are we?" Granger asked solemnly.

"Arrangements, Owen?" Hetty asked, genuinely confused.

"Arrangements for Deeks' funeral. I'm assuming LAPD will give him a proper burial since he technically is...was...one of theirs." Granger tried to explain tactfully.

"Well, let's hope by the time Mr. Deeks is in _need_ of a funeral, he will be one of _ours, _Owen." Hetty proclaimed.

Granger's brow raised. "Deeks is still alive?" he asked with hope, albeit skeptically.

"Very much so, Owen. His prognosis is good. The knife missed all vital nerves and arteries. His chest wound, while it could have been much worse, was not as bad as it seemed. He has some stitches and a broken rib. Last report was that he was stable. The doctors do need to talk to him before they are fully able to assess the amount of the damage done. He unfortunately did have a seizure earlier today when he awoke, and no one was able to speak with him. As far as we know now, they are just waiting for him to wake up again." she explained, a slight smile on her face.

The assistant director smiled slightly, chuckling. "You'd think I would have learned my lesson about Deeks after what Sidorov did to him."

"I'm not sure I follow, please explain?" Hetty asked, waiting for an explanation from her assistant director.

"From the very first time I met him, I never understood what you saw in Detective Deeks. He was loud, inappropriate...just annoying as hell. But I came to realize over time that that was his strength. People naturally underestimated him, and he used that to his full advantage - even with your bunch."

Hetty smirked, a knowing glance shared between them as Granger continued.

"It wasn't until what he went through and came back from stronger than ever after what Sidorov did to him that I realized something else about the detective, Henrietta."

"And what would that be, Assistant Director Granger?" Hetty asked quizzically.

Granger turned and studied the disturbing image still displayed on the big screen. When he returned his attention to the small operations manager, he said simply, "Detective Deeks is one tough son of a bitch."

Hetty smiled brightly and nodded in appreciation at the assistant director's words. "Indeed he is, Owen, indeed he is."

_**TBC**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA or NCIS, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 14**

Deeks struggled with the visions running through his head. He wondered if maybe he was just dreaming vividly, but there was something so familiar about them that he felt they surely had to be real – he just couldn't place them. It felt as if his memories had been dragged through a blender and interspersed with all these extra snippets and moments of familiar faces and places.

He now knew, in fact, that he was not dreaming. He had just opened his eyes and found himself alone, still in a hospital bed. If he _had been_ dreaming, those thoughts had followed him into consciousness and were still invading his mind at a nonstop clip. He glanced out the window on the door to his room. All he had been able to make out was the word amnesia as Gibbs and the others stood outside his room earlier. What else was it that they were saying? He wished he could have listened a while longer. Maybe it would make some of what was going on in his mind make a little more sense. The hall was empty now.

If Agent Gibbs trusted the three from LA as much as he seemed to, then Deeks would, too. He felt certain Gibbs would not put his safety in harms way by exposing him to people that he couldn't trust. He just wished he could remember who they were to him and why they seemed so upset that he couldn't. He decided the next time the nurse came to check on him he would ask what he could do to overcome the amnesia, if there were such a thing, or if it would just have to play out on its own.

* * *

><p>Down the hall from Deeks' room, Gibbs and the others had joined Dr. Isaac and Kensi.<p>

"After talking with Agent Blye here, I am more confident that I understand what is going on with your friend." Dr. Isaac glanced at Kensi before continuing, "Without going into too much detail, I believe Detective Deeks is indeed suffering from two types of amnesia like I suggested earlier."

"But it isn't permanent, right Doc?" Sam queried, anxious to hear some good news about his friend.

The doctor nodded his head. "Typically not, no. It could be a matter of hours to as long as a few weeks."

"What is causing this part where he remembers us, but not _us_?" Callen wondered aloud, a concerned look on his face as he stared at the doctor.

"As I said, without getting down to the nitty gritty of it all, suffice it to say that the culmination of several stressful incidents, some involving one or more of you - including recent and past - have brought about his inability to put everything together in his mind. I suspect that it will come back slowly, the details of who you are to him. I know you three" he said, looking to Sam, Callen, and Kensi, "came a long way to be here for your friend. I'm afraid for the time being, though, I'm going to have to ask you to stay out of his room."

Sam cut the doctor off, "Not gonna happen. He needs to know we are here for him!" he argued.

Dr. Isaac didn't back down. "Agent Hanna, I understand your frustration, but it is for the detective's own good. Until he shows signs of improvement I think it best if only those he is comfortable around visit him. If he wakes up and starts asking for you by name, by all means I will encourage you to visit him. But until then, let's let him be as relaxed as possible. I still need to monitor him and check for any underlying issues that haven't shown themselves yet. Do not forget that what your friend has gone through was a very traumatic injury. The fact that he is even alive at all is a small miracle, would you not agree?"

Everyone shook their heads in agreement slowly. Once the doctor pointed that fact out, it struck them just how lucky they were to be able to look forward to him getting better instead of escorting his body back to LA and planning a funeral.

"Guys, I'm going to call Hetty and update her on the situation. I'm sure they are anxious to hear from us." Callen stated as he pulled his cell phone out.

* * *

><p>Eric sat and listened to Hetty and Granger talk about Deeks. It was surprising to him to hear the assistant director's thoughts on their liaison. To Eric, Deeks was always more than capable of keeping up with the team. He somewhat envied the detective for his easy going attitude and ability to see the good in everything. It was refreshing, and it was only in the last year or so - well, since Deeks had come back to work after the Sidorov ordeal - that Sam and Callen, and even Kensi started to realize he made the stress of fighting bad guys a little more tolerable.<p>

Nell absolutely adored the shaggy haired detective. When she was partnered with him while Kensi was away, she never failed to fill Eric in on how awesome it was to be partnered with Deeks. She always felt safe and he taught her quite a bit, not to mention boosted her self confidence in the field. It was while Eric thought about Nell that he noticed a text come in from her.

_Is it safe to come back yet?_

He replied right away. _Yep_

As soon as he hit send, he cleared the big screen, closing the video once again. Moments later Nell walked back in and stood next to Eric. She could tell the assistant director had been deeply affected by seeing Deeks injured.

It was then that Hetty's cell phone began ringing. "Lange." she answered quickly.

Granger and the Wonder Twins listened to Hetty, anxious to find out if it was news about Deeks she was receiving. It didn't take long to confirm that was indeed what the call was about.

"Aah, Mr. Callen. How is Mr. Deeks?" Hetty wasted no time in asking. There were several seconds of silence in Ops as she listened to Callen on the other end explain about Deeks' day. "Uh, huh." This pause lasted for a few minutes. Eric, Nell and Granger all shared questioning glances. "So with the exception of Ms. Sciuto and Jethro, you are forbidden from visiting with him?" Another slight pause. "I see. I'll let the others know. Thank you, Mr. Callen. Let us know the minute anything changes." Hetty ended the call and looked to her remaining team memebers.

"How is he, Hetty?" Nell asked timidly, her eyes wide with worry.

"Mr. Deeks woke up just a little while ago. Apparently he was confused as to where he was and what had happened to him. He didn't understand why he was in the hospital. He did ask for Jethro and wanted to know if the woman he helped was alright." Hetty paused for a moment.

"So he _is_ OK?" Eric inquired hesitantly.

"Not so fast, Mr. Beale." Hetty held her hand up to him. "Mr. Deeks talked with Jethro for a few moments and then asked to see Abby. When Mr. Hanna entered the room, Mr. Deeks became agitated. It seems as though he only remembers Mr. Hanna as DeMarco Williams. When he saw Ms. Blye and Mr. Callen, he recognized them...but not as themselves. He knew Ms. Blye as Tracy and Mr. Callen as a cab driver. He was upset that they knew him by his real name. To them, he should have been Jason Wyler." Hetty explained slowly.

Nell looked confused. "Wait, DeMarco who? And Tracy? Callen was a cab driver?" she interrupted.

"This was before your time, Ms. Jones. We were investigating a dead marine and our case crossed paths with Mr. Deeks' case at LAPD. Mr. Hanna had gone undercover as an MMA fighter, Ms. Blye as the dead marine's girlfriend. Mr. Callen had to save Kensi from Jason Wyler, Mr. Deeks' alias, when searching the marine's house. He commandeered a cab and pretended to be the driver to remove Ms. Blye from the scene. Long story short, we ended up running a joint operation with LAPD and closed the case."

"It was soon after that that Deeks became our liaison." Eric said fondly.

Hetty smiled softly. "Yes, it was. We almost lost him back then, too." she sighed, uncharacteristically getting sidetracked by Eric's comment.

"What happened back then, Henrietta?" Granger wanted to know, "That was before I was reassigned out here."

Hetty shook her head slightly, taking a breath before she started, "I had offered Mr. Deeks the liaison position right after we closed the case involving the MMA gym. His first official case with us was high profile. His contacts and previous undercover work proved very beneficial to the team right away. However, after we closed that case he was called back to LAPD. A long term op he had been laying the groundwork for finally came through and he had to go under. It was a human traffic ring he was trying to bust. Mr. Deeks narrowly escaped being blown up, his partner was killed, and then he was beaten severely before we were able to assist and get him out. The traffickers were stopped and he brought down a dirty cop at the same time." she explained to them.

Both Nell and Granger shook their heads in wonder as they listened to Hetty's tale of Deeks' early days and what he had always been capable of. They admired his ability to overcome adverse situations and yet still keep a positive outlook on life.

Eric, although he was enjoying reminiscing about the early days of Deeks' arrival, he was more curious about something his boss had said while on the phone. "Hetty, you said that they aren't allowed to see Deeks. Why is that?"

"Right, about that." Hetty said, holding up a finger. "Mr. Callen said that until Mr. Deeks regains his memory, the doctor feels it would be in his best interest not to have to be around them. It may cause him undue stress. Mr. Deeks had another seizure once he had been confronted by everyone all at once. The doctor wants him to stay calm and relaxed, so until he remembers them, he is off limits."

* * *

><p>Deeks was getting impatient. He didn't know how long he had been out after the nurse left and he had heard Gibbs and the others talking in the hall. Several people passed by his room, but nobody he recognized and no one came in to check on him. Finally, after several minutes more of waffling over whether or not to push the call button, he reached for it and hit it.<p>

He was surprised when Dr. Isaac walked in rather than a nurse. The doctor smiled at him.

"You're awake again I see. That was a quick nap. How are you feeling, Detective Deeks?" Dr. Isaac requested as he checked his vitals.

"Um, sore. Confused I guess. Uh...where's Gibbs and Abby?"

"They are just down the hall." The doctor assured him.

Deeks glanced towards the door and looked back to the doctor. "Where are the others?"

Dr. Isaac smiled at him, "They are with Agent Gibbs, too. Why do you ask?"

"I heard them talking when the nurse left. I'm suffering from amnesia, aren't I? They are my friends, but...but I can't remember...uh, I can't remember them? I mean, I do...I do remember them...just not as my friends. It is all mixed up in my head. They aren't who I think they are?" Deeks questioned the doctor, sadness evident in his tone.

"You are correct, detective. I can assure you that this will pass, and eventually your memory will return. However, there are some things you should know. You suffered a very traumatic injury which has caused part of your amnesia." Dr. Isaac began, but Deeks interrupted him.

"A traumatic injury?" Deeks asked worriedly, running his fingers over the bandage on his chest. He still hadn't discovered the one over the side of his head.

Dr. Isaac patiently waited for Deeks to relax again before he continued. "That is not the traumatic injury. Detective, you remember that the assailant had a knife, don't you?"

Deeks nodded that he did.

"You approached the man with the knife. As you got close, you slipped and fell on the ice. You ran in to him, and he fell on top of you. Before _he_ landed, _your_ head bounced off the sidewalk, knocking you unconscious. You have a severe concussion from that impact. As the man fell, his knife penetrated your left temple. It was embedded up to the handle inside your head." Dr. Isaac paused for a moment.

Deeks raised his left hand up to feel his temple, wincing when he ran his fingers over the area under the bandage where the knife had pierced him.

"Um...I...I was stabbed in the head?" Deeks asked, astonished. "How, uh...how am I even alive? I mean, I'm glad that I am...I think...no, I am...yeah." Deeks stammered, looking at Dr. Isaac with wide eyes.

"You are a lucky man, Detective Deeks. My team and I feel that you survived for several reasons. One being that you were already unconscious when it happened - but mostly due to the fact that the blade missed all the arteries that would have proven fatal had they been nicked. You also could have been blinded and/or lost your sense of smell and taste. From what we could see during surgery, none of those nerves were hit. You obviously can see. Can you smell anything?"

The detective sniffed the air and frowned. "Oh, yeah...I can definitely smell hospital."

Dr. Isaac chuckled at that. "Good. So we need to check your sense of taste, but I think it's safe to assume that it is intact, as well."

Deeks nodded. "I can taste, too. My mouth tastes like blood."

"The knife only stopped when it hit your jaw on the right side of your mouth, passing through your sinus cavity, so it makes sense that you can taste blood." The doctor acknowledged.

"No pun intended, right Doc?" Deeks joked, smiling slightly as the doctor rolled his eyes.

"I'm glad to see you still have your sense of humor, too, detective. Pun intended." Dr. Isaac smirked.

This actually brought a laugh out of the detective, but he quickly cut it short when a sharp pain shot through his head. Instinctively he reached up and cradled his head with his hands as he blew out a breath.

"I should have warned you, any sudden movement or extra pressure caused by laughing or coughing will more than likely be painful. You need to remain as calm and relaxed as possible and allow your wounds to heal." Dr. Isaac pointed out.

"OK, yeah...got it, Doc. Thanks!" Deeks gasped through clenched teeth as the wave of pain started to dissipate.

"I'll leave you to rest, Detective Deeks. We'll continue our talk later." The doctor turned to leave.

"Wait!" Deeks called out. "Gibbs said earlier that my partner was here. I'd really like to see her. Can I?"

Dr. Isaac was caught off guard by this. Had Deeks regained his memory that quickly? He decided to push a little to see his reaction.

"Your partner?" he asked the detective, purposely acting confused. He waited while Deeks thought about his answer.

"Um...yeah. Jess. Jess Traynor. Can I see her?" Deeks asked hopefully.

The doctor's confusion was real now. Detective Deeks had a partner whose name was Jess Traynor? He thought he'd better find Gibbs and the LA team to find out for sure who this mystery partner was. The partner he had met was Agent Kensi Blye.

"Let me check to see if she is still here, alright?" Dr. Isaac stalled. "I'll go look for her right now." He turned to leave once again.

"Thanks, Doc." Deeks called after the man as he left the room.

Dr. Isaac hoped that Gibbs and the LA team hadn't left yet. He assumed they would be in the waiting room. He was relieved to find them all still there.

Kensi jumped up when she saw the doctor approaching them.

"Any news, Dr. Isaac?" Kensi was hopeful for something good.

Dr. Isaac glanced at Sam and Callen before focusing on Kensi again. "He is asking to see his partner" the doctor began and Kensi's face lit up. He held his hand up as a warning to wait, "but I'm confused." he admitted.

"Why are you confused, Doc?" Sam wondered as he stood to face Kensi and the doctor.

"Who is Jess Traynor?"

_**TBC**_

_**Author's note: Thanks again to everyone for reading, reviewing, following along and/or adding this story to your favorites list. **_


	15. Chapter 15

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA or NCIS, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 15**

Kensi's excitement was crushed immediately when she heard the doctor say Deeks' old partner's name, not hers. She had to keep telling herself not to lose it, that Deeks couldn't help what was going on in his head right now. She just had to be patient and wait for her partner to come back to her - to them, the team - their family.

"He's asking for Jess Traynor?" Sam inquired, a look of frustration coming over him.

Dr. Isaac nodded. "Yes. He said that she is his partner. Is that true?"

"Jess Traynor was his partner at LAPD. She and Deeks were working an op, she was his handler. Deeks had gone missing and LAPD had called us to see if we had heard from him. This was several months after we first met Deeks and he had become our liaison. We met up with Traynor, she briefed us on the case. We had just walked out with her. Then she got in her car to leave. She was killed when it exploded. Deeks had narrowly escaped the same fate the day before, we later found out. He took it pretty hard when he learned she had been killed." Callen finished explaining to the doctor.

"I see." Dr. Isaac said, obviously deep in thought as to how he would approach telling the detective. "Thank you." he glanced at Callen and then turned towards Deeks' room.

Callen nodded as he and the others watched the doctor walk away. Once the doctor disappeared down the hall they shared troubled glimpses between the three of them. They sat back down with Gibbs and Abby.

* * *

><p>As soon as Dr. Isaac had left the room, Deeks had a strong feeling come over him that Jess Traynor was not there in DC. Something kept flashing in his mind and despite his confusion, a great empty feeling came over him. He remembered an explosion. It is so vivid in his mind he can feel the heat on his skin. He had been in a car with Emilio Ortega. He had offered to get out of the car and open a gate. Moments later the car in which he had been riding erupted in a huge fireball, killing Ortega and his driver instantly. Deeks had been hit by shrapnel and his skin seared from the heat. He remembers being treated by someone Ortega knew, a veterinarian he thought.<p>

All at once his eyes grew wide as a moment of clarity hit him. A string of memories ran through his mind, so strong and clear he actually gasped. His partner, friend, lover - Jess Traynor - was dead. Killed by the same men that had almost blown him up with Ortega the day before, all those years ago. Had it really been years? A sob tore through Deeks' body as he relived the loss of her. He punched his fist down onto the bed as tears began running down his face.

He yelled out for his friend, "Jess!" The exertion of punching the bed and the force with which he shouted her name sent jolts of pain shooting through his chest and especially his head. Deeks' body was still weak and exhausted and this bout of pain he had just caused himself became too much to bear. He slumped back against his pillow. He had passed out, everything falling into blackness.

Moments later Dr. Isaac stepped back in to the detective's room. He had decided on his walk back from speaking with Detective Deeks' team that he would just tell him his partner was gone. He was relieved to see that the man had fallen asleep. He smiled and left the room, completely unaware that Deeks had remembered on his own that his partner truly was gone. Had the doctor stepped closer to the bed he would have noticed the tears still wet on the detective's cheeks.

* * *

><p>Kensi sat there across from Abby and Gibbs, staring at the floor between their seats. She glanced up at the forensic scientist quickly. Abby was listening to Callen explain in more detail to Gibbs who Deeks' old partner had been. Kensi took a deep breath and then blew it out slowly.<p>

"Abby?" Kensi asked cautiously.

Abby turned her attention to the female agent but didn't say anything, a look of indifference on her face.

Kensi thought about just forgetting trying to smooth things over with this woman. Clearly Abby was not going to make this easy for her. She swallowed hard and then met Abby's stare. Before she could talk herself out of it, she pressed on.

"Can we...can we talk? Um, alone?" Kensi asked, trying not to sound desperate. She shot a look to Sam and Callen, trying to convey with a glance that she was alright.

Abby looked to Gibbs, who just smiled gently and barely motioned with his head to go along. "Sure, Agent Blye. Let's talk." Abby agreed as she stood.

Kensi joined Abby and looked around. "We could just walk?" Kensi pointed to the hall, moving in that direction without waiting for an answer from her.

Abby gave a final glance to the boys still sitting there. Sam and Callen both smiled, understanding that the two women had some fence mending to do. They also knew Kensi would try to glean any information she could about her partner from the brunette, tattooed scientist since she had spent the last several days with him before the incident.

Abby caught up with the female agent quickly. "So, what do you want to talk about?" She asked, a bit on edge. Not from nervousness, but from still having some lingering attitude with Kensi over her treatment of Marty.

"Look, Abby..." Kensi started off, turning to her, "I want to start by apologizing for giving you attitude since I've been here. I know I have no room to be giving anyone grief over Deeks - not after what I've put him through, especially the last few days."

"Good. I'm glad you realize that, Agent Blye." Abby said stiffly and then repeated, "So what do you want to talk about?"

Kensi sighed. "I'm...uh, I'm curious about what Deeks has said about...about me. You know, since he's been here. You two seem to have, um...you seem to have gotten really close...to him, and in such a short time...and I..." Kensi stammered, slowing her stride and turning to Abby again. Her eyes were wide with fear and defeat. She wanted so badly to just spit it out and ask if Abby and Deeks had slept together, even though she had no right whatsoever.

Abby stopped and reached out to Kensi, placing her hands on the agent's shoulders. She stared straight in to Kensi's eyes. She knew the agent was jealous of the fast friendship she and Deeks had formed. She also knew Kensi feared that she and Deeks had shared more than just friendship. She decided to ease the woman's mind, figuring she had suffered enough with Deeks being injured and unable to remember her for the time being.

"Kensi, Marty and I did not sleep together if that is what you are worried about." Abby paused, a grin spreading across her face as she remembered sharing the couch with the detective the night he had his nightmare. "Well, not in the way you're thinking anyway."

Kensi dropped her head, trying to hide that her face was blushing with relief and embarrassment that the scientist had been able to read her so easily. After a few seconds she looked back up at Abby.

"What do you mean by that?" Kensi demanded gently, suddenly aware of the admission Abby had thrown in at the end.

"The night Marty had his nightmare I ended up falling asleep with him on my couch. I felt so bad for him. You should be ashamed of yourself for putting him through that, Agent Blye." Abby was not bashful about letting Kensi know how she did Marty wrong.

Kensi nodded slowly. "I am, Abby. I really am, and I plan on making it up to him for the rest of our lives if he'll let me." Kensi looked away before continuing, "I, uh...I love him. I just... It's so hard for me to uh, to... Every man in my life that has ever meant something to me has either left me willingly or died and I...um...It's different with Deeks because he uh... I've managed to get along when the others have left me, but with Deeks I...I don't think I could live without him." She reached up and wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall quickly.

"I don't understand. You were willing to throw that all away?" Abby asked, still not able to comprehend why the agent almost gave up the man that meant the world to her. "Why?"

Kensi chuckled then, shaking her head slightly. "I'll tell you why, and if you ever tell Deeks, I will deny it. I'm, um...scared." she admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry. What did you say? I didn't quite hear you." Abby grinned at Kensi.

Kensi huffed out a breath, annoyed and a little bit humored by Abby's reaction, which was exactly what Deeks would say to something like that. "I'm scared...of my uh, my feelings...for Deeks. I can't uh, I can't lose him."

Abby shook her head in disappointment. "So let me get this straight, Agent Blye. You were going to throw away the opportunity to be with the man you love, the man who means more to you than anyone before him, because you were afraid to lose him. So basically you were willing to give him up to keep from losing him?" Abby queried.

Kensi smirked. "Well...um, now that you put it like that, yes, I can see where my logic was flawed. It made sense for a short time." Kensi turned away again, embarrassed by how silly her reasoning sounded when pointed out by the forensic scientist with the heart of gold.

"Marty knew you were scared." Abby stated calmly, waiting for Kensi's reaction.

"Wait, what? He knew?" Kensi was surprised by Abby's confession.

"You two are a piece of work, you know that?" Abby shook her head. "Marty told me the day you called that even though you had hurt him deeply, he knew that was not your intention. He said he knew it was because you were afraid of your feelings." Abby smiled as she told the agent what her partner had said.

Kensi looked stunned. She shouldn't be surprised that Deeks had seen right through her. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. "He told you that? What else did he say?" Kensi wanted to know.

It was Abby's turn to be nervous. "Well, he uh...he said he didn't know... how much longer he could keep doing it."

"Doing what?" Kensi was confused and a little scared at what Abby was about to tell her.

Abby cocked her head and puckered her bottom lip. "He didn't know how much longer he could keep waiting for you to figure it out. Your feelings for him. It's tearing him up." Abby didn't know how much more she should say, but she figured she'd come too far to turn back now and these two needed all the help they could get.

Kensi nodded in understanding, dropping her gaze to the floor.

"He loves you, too, you know." Abby added, wondering how Kensi would react to that.

Kensi's head shot up, her eyes questioning what she had just heard. "He um, he loves me? Did he tell you that, or are you just making that up to mess with me?"

Abby smiled softly. "He told me he loves you, Kensi. I thought...I thought you should know, just in case...um..."

Kensi cut her off. "No, I get it. Um, thank...thank you, Abby." Kensi bowed her head slightly to Abby, smiling softly as she did.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Isaac?" Callen called out when he noticed the doctor coming back up the hall from Deeks' room.<p>

The doctor changed direction and came towards the three men sitting there. The women had disappeared since he left the group a few moments before.

"Yes, Agent Callen?"

"That was quick. How did he take it?" Callen questioned.

Dr. Isaac smiled at that. "He didn't. He had fallen asleep by the time I got back to his room so I didn't interrupt his rest."

Sam was still pissed about being banned from seeing Deeks. He understood why, but he wasn't happy about it.

"You say Deeks will eventually remember us on his own, more than likely." Sam made quotation marks in air at the last part of his sentence. "Wouldn't it help him if we could tell him things to help jog his memory?" He asked sarcastically, glaring at the doctor.

"Agent Hanna, we went over this. Give it some time. Why don't you all go back to your hotel, or home" he looked to Gibbs, "and come back tomorrow morning? I'm sure the detective will be fine. If something comes up, we will call. Otherwise go get some rest yourselves." Dr. Isaac suggested.

"He's right, Sam. Come on. Let's find Kens and get out of here." Callen prodded his partner.

Sam shook his head in disgust. "Fine. But for the record, I don't like this." He pointed a finger at his partner, emphasizing his opinion on the matter.

Gibbs chuckled watching the two partners. He spotted Abby and Kensi further down the hall. "Abs! Let's go!" He called out to her.

Abby and Kensi weren't happy about leaving Deeks for the night, but eventually they both agreed. Everyone went their respective ways. Gibbs promised Abby they would meet up with Callen and the other two in the morning if they hadn't caught a case by then.

* * *

><p>The next morning Gibbs and Abby, along with McGee, Bishop and DiNozzo, met up with Callen, Sam and Kensi at the hospital's main entrance. They exchanged pleasantries and made their way up to the now familiar third floor. As they walked down the hall towards the nurses station they were passed by several security personnel in an obvious hurry to get somewhere.<p>

As they approached the counter, they noticed no one was there. Several nurses were spread out up and down both halls, along with security. They were looking for something - or someone.

Kensi felt a wave of fear wash over her. She knew before anyone said anything what had happened.

Dr. Isaac came from the opposite direction, walking fast. Once he saw Gibbs and the others standing there, he came running towards them.

"What's going on, Dr. Is-" Callen started to ask.

A worried look on his face, Dr. Isaac cut Callen's inquiry short, "We can't find Detective Deeks!"

_**TBC**_

**_Author's note: I'd like to thank 974lk, maxiefae, RhondaLara, homegrownoregano, BlackBear53, love-nenne, bookdiva, Hoosier65, kathy46, andirememberu, felixgi, and fanficforyou for your reviews on the last two chapters. Much appreciated!_**


	16. Chapter 16

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA or NCIS, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 16**

"What do you mean you can't find him? You _lost_ him? How the hell could you lose him?" Sam bellowed.

Dr. Isaac took a step back from the large agent. Knowing he had upset the man the day before, he was worried this new dilemma would send him over the edge. Sam was staring daggers through the doctor.

Callen held his hand out and placed it on Sam's shoulder, trying to calm him. "How long has he been missing?" He looked at the doctor worriedly, hoping it was not very long.

"The nurse just noticed a few minutes ago when she stopped to check on him." Dr. Isaac asserted.

"So he couldn't have gone far." Kensi said hopefully.

"Yeah, but how long had he been gone before anyone noticed?" Tim chimed in. Everyone glared at him. His eyes grew big as he realized what he said.

"Way to be positive there, McGloomy!" Tony replied sarcastically.

DiNozzo thought about giving McGee the famous Gibbs head slap, but before he could they heard a security officer holler to Dr. Isaac.

"Doctor, they've found him in the service elevator, south end! He's on the ground floor." The man stopped for a moment, listening to his radio, and then continued passing on information. "Patient is unconscious and bleeding."

Dr. Isaac began running, then stopped, turning to face Gibbs and the rest of the team. "You stay here! We will update you as soon as we can get him back in his room."

Agent Hanna was on the move.

"Sam, let them do their job." Callen called after his partner while holding Kensi back. She, too, had tried to follow the doctor.

Sam had already caught up with the man. "I'm coming with you." The look on Sam's face let the doctor know there would be no stopping the agent this time. Dr. Isaac slowly agreed, nodding his head.

"Callen, let me go!" Kensi yelled as she struggled to break free from his grasp. "Don't make me hurt you!" she warned him.

"Come on, Kens. Pull it together. Let Doc do his thing. Deeks will be OK." He spoke calmly, trying to reassure the agent that her partner would be just fine. He wasn't about to admit to her that he was just as worried about Deeks as she was.

While Kensi started to calm down, Sam was defiant as ever. Callen was shocked at how protective his partner had become of Deeks. Ever since Sidorov the two had grown much closer. Callen understood why, but it still amazed him whenever Sam showed his concern for the detective.

"Kensi, look at me. Hey, I'll make sure he is alright. You trust me?" Sam looked at Kensi, studying her eyes.

As a tear slipped down her cheek, she nodded. Sam nodded back and then turned to the doctor again.

"Lead the way. Let's go get Deeks."

* * *

><p>Deeks was sound asleep, but in his mind he was running. Sweat poured off him and he smiled as the early morning breeze cooled his skin. Up ahead he saw two lovely looking women coming his way. His smile grew as they made eye contact and they smiled back bashfully. Once they were past him he turned and waited. Yep, there it was. They turned to check him out. He made a random comment about it and continued on his way.<p>

He entered the convenience store just like every other morning. He cracked a joke with the owner, Frank, about the stale coffee. He remembers glancing to the counter where the owner stood frozen as a gunman pointed his weapon at him. Not wanting to let the shooter know Deeks was on to him, he calmly asked Frank about the cost of Funyuns as he approached the assailant.

His next thoughts are fuzzy. He remembers Frank hollering about someone behind him. He turns just in time to see a man point his gun and pull the trigger. He was shocked when he felt the bullet enter his chest. The shooter approached Deeks as he struggled to sit back up, but it hurt too much. Deeks watched, wide-eyed, as the man came closer and carefully aimed, pulling the trigger again.

Deeks woke up. He was surprised to see his partner sitting at his bedside. She was unaware he had woken up. He decided to mess with her. He knew she would probably cause him even more bodily harm, but he could not resist getting Agent Kensi Blye riled up.

"Am I dead?" he asked her slowly, still groggy from surgery.

Kensi jumped at his voice, but then smiled, "Hey there."

He recalls pretending to not know who she was. He cracked a joke about his own name. Touched by the obvious concern evident on her face as she tried to decide if she should go for help or not, he ended the joke.

_"I'm just kiddin'. I remember you, Fern."_

_"Yeah? You're a funny guy, I'm gonna punch you in your bullet hole."_

_"That sounds vaguely dirty. I think I'm gonna have to tell Hetty."_

Deeks stumbled over these names as he stirred somewhere between sleep and consciousness. His partner...Agent Kensi Blye - also known as Fern? Hetty? Before he could really think too much about it he drifted off again, the dream/memory taking over his thoughts completely.

Sam and Callen came to visit. They brought him his weapon. Kensi was now on protective detail. He had been targeted that morning and they were trying to figure out who would want him dead. The shooters had just gotten into a gun battle in the parking lot with Sam and Callen, having shown up presumably to finish the job.

He drifted in and out of sleep. He remembers finding out his amazing partner has a comic book collection, too, just like he did. He tries to get her to tell him if she had been shot before. She won't divulge that information, so he picks at her endlessly, teasing that she was shot in the butt.

She's eating his jello. He calls her out on it. She thinks he's acting like a baby, and tells him so, _after _taking yet another bite of his jello.

He and Kensi are going through each name on the list of potential suspects. Three names raise possible red flags to him, one being none other than his father, who was not on the list. He doesn't tell them who Brandel is to him, but he did catch Nell's reaction to the mention of that name. Little did he know that Hetty had the analyst researching Brandel for some reason.

Later, he and Kensi are putting things together while Sam and Callen had gone to meet with someone they thought might be responsible for Deeks' shooting. He questions why his shooter only used a small caliber weapon and seemingly aimed for a non-fatal shot. It dawns on him that on their team of four, he is the weak link.

He points that out to Kensi but she doesn't see the relevance. He spells it out for her. The shooter used Deeks to draw out the team's location. Kensi realizes her partner is right and calls Eric to have him warn Sam and Callen they are walking into a trap. She turns to Deeks, telling him that he is safe and that she is going to help Sam and Callen as she runs from his room.

She is gone before he can finish his train of thought. Suddenly it hits home. They are after his partner, not Sam and Callen.

Realizing Kensi is putting herself in harms way by leaving, he screams her name, hoping to bring her back.

"KENSI!" Deeks sits bolt upright in bed, ignoring the agony in his chest and the jolt of white hot pain shooting through his temple. It's too late, she doesn't hear him. He does the only thing he can do. He jumps out of bed and goes after her, not even slowing when his IV tears out of his skin yet again.

He stumbles down the hall. It doesn't register that the lights are low and no one is around. He is out on his feet, basically sleepwalking through his memory. Unaware of the pain he was causing himself, he did his best to run after his partner. His body carried him forward, functioning on pure adrenalin brought on by the vision in his head. He had to get to Kensi. He found the nearest elevator and slapped at the button, willing the door to slide open.

He stepped in and spun, hitting the 1 button as fast as he could. As the door slid shut he stumbled back. He felt the elevator begin its descent. The sensation of the floor dropping out from under him coupled with the pain coursing through his body finally took its toll. He collapsed, crashing against the wall and falling to the floor.

The elevator reached the first floor. The door slid open, waiting for its passenger to exit and new riders to step inside. The corridor the elevator opened to was uninhabited this early in the morning, however. No one was there to see the shirtless patient lying on the floor, blood ever so slowly pooling under him.

After several moments the door slid shut. The elevator sat there, hiding its precious cargo. It was 6am, at least two hours before anyone would occupy this wing.

* * *

><p>Dr. Isaac was surprised at how quick the muscled agent was. He matched him step for step as they ran to the end of the hall and started down the stairs to where the fallen detective had been discovered. They ran through the door at the bottom of the stairwell and around the corner.<p>

A nurse was crouched down next to Deeks' body, trying to hold the blood soaked bandage over the detective's chest wound. A second nurse held the door open. Sam was shocked at the amount of blood on the floor next to his friend. Deeks was covered in it.

"He tore all his stitches out." The nurse stated calmly. "I rolled him over on his back. His pulse is weak but steady. I've tried to rouse him but he won't respond."

Deeks was pale. The only clothing he wore were the sweat pants he was put in when he arrived. He was bare chested, save for what was left of the bandaging wrapped around his midsection. Sam thought back to the time Deeks was shot that first year he had joined the team. He had looked much the same as he did right now, only lacking the bandaged head wound back then. Unbeknownst to him, the detective had been reliving that time in his dreams last night. It was the reason he was found bleeding and unconscious this morning, as Sam was about to find out.

The shaggy detective began moaning something unintelligible. The nurse looked to the doctor and Sam as Deeks became more alert. She helped him sit up so he could lean against the back wall of the elevator. Sam moved towards his friend, ready to comfort him.

Deeks' eyes shot wide open and he cried out, "I'm so sorry. I tried to warn you, Kens!" He attempted to get up, fighting to get away from the nurse who battled to keep him in place. "Let me up! Get away from me!"

Sam was taken aback. Deeks had just said his partner's name. That had to be a good sign, right?

"Deeks, it's OK. I'm right here. You're gonna be alright." Sam tried to reassure the detective, speaking to him calmly.

Deeks finally focused on the big man. Sam was relieved when he noticed the recognition in Deeks' eyes.

"Sam! I tried...but...she was coming to you guys. I'm...I'm the weakest link." Deeks' voice broke. "They...they used me to...to get to her. I figured it out right after she left. I tried to catch her, Sam. Honest, I did. I'm, I'm so sorry. He must've got her. I don't know what happened. I thought I saved her." Deeks was shaking his head, a look of despair on his face.

Still unsure what Deeks was talking about, Sam asked cautiously,"Who, Deeks? Who did you try to save?"

Deeks dropped his gaze from Sam to his lap. "Kensi." He whispered, defeated.

It was starting to make sense to Sam, but he wasn't completely sure yet, so he asked his broken friend softly, "Who has her, Deeks?"

Deeks looked up finally, meeting Sam's worried eyes. "Vakar."

Sam turned and looked up at the doctor, unsure of what to say to his friend. He couldn't believe that Deeks was stuck living through his shooting again. Sam's look told Dr. Isaac that Deeks was still not with it in terms of time frame.

Two orderlies showed up, pushing a gurney. One of them passed a syringe to the nurse holding the elevator open. She showed it to Dr. Isaac, keeping it out of site of their distressed patient. The doctor glanced at Sam, nodding to the nurse. Sam saw what she had in her hand. He looked her in the eye, slightly tilting his head in acknowledgment.

He turned to Deeks, moving between the nurse with the syringe and his friend. "Hey, look at me. Deeks, Kensi is safe."

Deeks looked at Sam, confusion clouding his features. "I...I got there in time? Are you sure?"

Sam reached out and squeezed the detective's shoulder. "You did good, Deeks."

As Sam was doing that, the nurse knelt down and slid the needle home, injecting the sedative into Deeks' thigh. He never even flinched. Sam knew it would be a few minutes before it would take effect so he kept talking. Soon the detective's eyes began fluttering shut as he had a harder time focusing on answering Sam's questions. His head fell forward slowly as sleep overtook him once again. Sam rubbed his friend's shoulder and then patted it gently as he stood.

He helped the orderlies place Deeks on the gurney and they rode the elevator back up to the third floor.

* * *

><p>Callen, Kensi, Gibbs and his team all stood in the hall outside Deeks' now empty room. After what seemed like an eternity they heard voices echoing down the hall as the elevator door slid open. Kensi was the first to react, running towards the group pushing a gurney, Sam leading the way. He tried to warn Kensi that it looked worse than it was but he was too late. When Kensi saw all the blood, she panicked.<p>

"Deeks! Oh my God! Sam? Sam, what happened to him? Is he...is he OK?"

"Shhh. Kensi, calm down. He tore his stitches out. It looks worse than it is. They sedated him. He is fine. They will get him stitched back up and reexamine him." Sam explained.

Kensi didn't quite believe him. She looked from her partner's blood covered body to Sam and back again. She had gone pale, all the color drained from her face. Sam reached out to her and pulled her away from the stretcher as the team kept him moving down the hall.

"He remembered you." Sam blurted out, hoping it would cheer her up. A big grin appeared on his face as he saw Kensi's eyes get some of their spark back.

"He...he did? What did he say?"

Sam laughed. "Come on, let's go catch up with the others and I'll tell you all about it."

_**TBC**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA or NCIS, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 17**

Callen and the others stayed put outside Deeks' room while Kensi ran to meet Sam and the medical team. Callen watched as Sam corralled Kensi, pulling her away as the team of nurses pushed Deeks towards them. Just before he looked away from his teammates, he caught the big smile break out on his partner's face. He knew then that Deeks must be alright.

As the entourage passed by them, though, several gasps could be heard as they noticed how bloody and still Deeks was. Even Gibbs looked a bit shocked as he turned to Callen. DiNozzo and McGee shared concerned looks, while Abby and Bishop stared in disbelief at the unmoving detective as they rolled him by.

"Marty!" Abby cried out, covering her mouth with her hand.

Sam and Kensi heard Abby and saw the worried looks on the others faces as they walked up to them. Callen, who had felt some semblance of relief after seeing his partner smiling at Kensi, now wasn't so sure about the condition of their shaggy haired friend.

"Deeks is sedated. He pulled all of his stitches free when he did...whatever he did. He looks worse than he is." Sam explained.

Everyone looked relieved at that.

"Dr. Isaac and his staff are taking him to get stitched back up. They'll check him over and then bring him back here." Sam nodded towards the room. "Let's move in there out of the hall. I was able to talk to Deeks a bit when he came to. I'll fill you all in."

Everyone filed in to Deeks' room and stood in a semi-circle at the foot of the empty bed, waiting for Sam to begin.

Kensi was getting impatient. Sam mentioning that Deeks remembered her had her antsy to learn what her partner had said.

"You said he remembered me, Sam, so what did he say?" she demanded.

Gibbs and Callen glanced at each other and smiled. Callen was just as anxious to hear news of the detective as Kensi, but he would never admit it.

Sam looked to Kensi and Callen. "You two remember Vakar?"

They both nodded. Sam proceeded to tell Gibbs' team the story of Vakar and how he figured into Deeks' shooting. He told them about how the mother and son had been put in witness protection by Kensi, and how Deeks had been targeted by the boy's father, known only as Vakar. He had used Deeks to get to Kensi in a desperate attempt to locate his son.

Bishop cleared her throat and asked, "Obviously the guy didn't get to Kensi, right? So what happened?"

Kensi raised her hand, holding up a finger as she continued with the story. "Actually, he did...almost. Sam and Callen were meeting a potential suspect while I stayed with Deeks at the hospital. At the time, we still thought Deeks was the target. Deeks figured it out that they had just used him to get to the team, or so I thought that's what he meant." She huffed out a breath, shaking her head as she thought back. "I didn't give him time to finish explaining his theory and I ran out, thinking I needed to go provide backup for the guys." Kensi nodded toward her teammates.

Sam shook his head as Kensi kept talking, disgusted with himself as he remembered how hard he had been on Deeks for not changing up his routine. That was back when he didn't care for Deeks and wouldn't acknowledge the man had skills. If Deeks hadn't put it together and gone after Kensi, there was a very good chance she would not be here telling this story today. He never did give Deeks the credit he deserved for saving her that day, or any of the other times, to be honest. All he had focused on was that Deeks had screwed up. He fought to control his emotions as she progressed with the story.

"I didn't know it at the time, but Deeks had realized they were actually after me, not Sam or Callen. These two had figured it out about the same time and were coming to us at the hospital. I was in the elevator with no cell reception. Sam had tried to call and warn me not to leave, that I was the target."

Tony broke in, "So Callen and Sam got there in time and kept you safe from this Vakar guy?"

She shook her head slowly, "No." She said, almost a whisper.

She dropped her head, closing her eyes for a moment. She felt ashamed suddenly, all those memories replaying again in her mind. Deeks had been the one to save her. Even after taking two bullets to the chest that morning, the man had still found the strength to make it downstairs. She doesn't remember thanking him, although she's sure she must have at some point, right? God, she thought, we were so awful to him.

"So who saved you from Vakar then?" McGee asked the logical question. Kensi looked up to see McGee staring at her in wonder.

"Deeks." She said, as if it were the only logical answer.

Everyone in the room, with the exception of Sam and Callen, had confused looks on their faces.

"Deeks? I thought he was shot, though." Tony pointed out, glancing at the others.

Kensi nodded her head. "He was, but somehow he made it from his bed to the entrance of the hospital. I had almost made it to the parking lot when two of Vakar's men grabbed me. I was able to break free from them, but Vakar had me at gunpoint. Deeks was armed, and at the last second I saw him and ducked out of the way. He took Vakar out and I was able to pull my weapon and get the other two men. He collapsed after that. He was bleeding through his bandages."

Kensi stopped for a moment. She recalled looking up after checking Vakar for a pulse, and seeing Deeks wincing in pain as he collapsed before she ran to him. "They would have taken me if it hadn't been for Deeks." Kensi conceded as she looked to Sam and Callen. The three of them, in their own way, were atoning for their failure to acknowledge that fact when it happened. Sam and Callen nodded in understanding, both realizing the meaning behind her words.

"Sounds like Hetty knew what she was doing when she brought him in." Gibbs pointed out as he glanced at each one of the LA team.

Sam nodded in agreement. Kensi dropped her head again. Callen returned Gibbs look, "It took us a while to figure that out. But yeah, Deeks has saved all our asses more times than I care to admit - and I'm glad he stuck with us until we did figure it out."

They all stood there for a few moments, in awe of what the detective had accomplished.

Callen looked at Sam quizzically, cocking his head to the side slightly.

"He was saving Kensi again, wasn't he?"

Sam smiled, "You know it, G. I think he must have been dreaming about when he was shot before. I don't know what triggered that particular memory, unless it was because he was shot again."

"And he woke up disoriented, or he was sleepwalking...either way, he was going after her." Callen surmised.

Sam looked at Kensi. "When he came to in the elevator? - he woke up swinging, fighting with the nurse to try to get to you. You were the only thing on his mind, Kensi."

She felt the color rise on her face at Sam's words, the corners of her mouth curling into a shy grin.

* * *

><p>Deeks was still sleeping peacefully, completely unaware that he had been bathed, stitched, poked and prodded. Dr. Isaac and his team had buttoned Deeks' chest wound up for the second time. They examined the detective for any new bruising or swelling, especially around his head. Satisfied that the only damage he had done was to pop all his stitches, they had re-wrapped his chest with fresh bandaging. His blood pressure was back to normal and his color was slowly returning.<p>

Dr. Isaac decided to keep him under observation for a while before returning him to his room. Leaving instructions with the nurse on duty, he thought he'd better go update Detective Deeks' friends on his condition. He had a few questions for Sam, too, regarding what was said when the detective had regained consciousness earlier.

By the time the doctor returned to the detective's room, Abby and Agents McGee and Bishop had left. Although they had no new case, some new information had come to light on an older one. They went to continue following up on new leads while Gibbs and DiNozzo stayed behind with Callen's team.

Dr. Isaac greeted everyone with a hello, waiting for the onslaught of questions he was sure they would all have.

"Where is Deeks? Why didn't you bring him back?" Kensi glared at the doctor, worried that something had happened to her partner.

"Agent Blye, your partner is fine," the doctor began, which was the wrong answer as far as Kensi was concerned.

"Do not say that! Fine is not fine!" Realizing she was being a little dramatic, she calmed herself. "Sorry...it's just, uh, fine is...um. Go ahead, I'm sorry I interrupted you," she said quickly, looking away to avoid letting the others see she was embarrassed by her outburst.

Sam and Callen glanced at each other, both chuckling at their female agent's antics.

Dr. Isaac nodded, trying his best not to let the smile he felt building show through on his face.

"Detective Deeks is doing well," he started over, looking to Kensi to gain her approval and ease her mind before turning his attention to the others. "We have checked him over, cleaned him up and restitched his chest. I can find no new injuries. I've decided to leave him in another room for observation for the next few hours. Provided he has no further setbacks we will move him back here later today."

"That's great news, Doc." Sam exclaimed, a smile lighting up his face. The others all agreed, making similar comments.

The doctor held up his hand to get their attention. When everyone quieted down, he continued.

"Agent Hanna, since you were there when the detective woke up, what can you tell me from the conversation you had with him? I noticed he mentioned Kensi. Am I correct in assuming his memory is coming back?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, he's definitely progressed from yesterday. To me, it seemed like he has jumped ahead a bit from where he was. He's still stuck in the past, but he knows who we are now."

Dr. Isaac made a few notes in his file, nodding for Sam to go on.

"He was referring to a case we had worked where an estranged father had used him to get to Kensi. Deeks had been shot previously, as you know. G and I think he must have been dreaming of that again and was maybe sleepwalking. When he was shot before, he ended up saving his partner here" he glimpsed to Kensi, "when she left his hospital room. Deeks chased after her and shot her attacker outside the hospital."

"So you think the fact that we found him in the elevator on the ground floor, coupled with his comments when he regained consciousness, implies he was once again chasing after his partner, essentially reliving that moment?" The doctor questioned, contemplating the explanation he was being given.

"That is not just what we think, we're certain that is what happened, doctor. We were there back then. We lived it." Sam assured the man.

Dr. Isaac smiled. "I agree with your assessment, Agent Hanna. Thank you for helping earlier. I'm glad you insisted on joining me." The doctor extended his hand towards Sam. Sam grinned, shaking the man's hand.

"Feel free to stick around and make yourselves comfortable if you like, but it will be later this afternoon before we return the detective to his room. If you have no further questions, I do have other patients to check up on." Dr. Isaac offered.

Callen looked to Gibbs. "Can you point us in the direction we can get something good to eat? I'm sure Kensi here would appreciate it." He looked at Kensi, a smirk on his face.

Kensi looked at her team leader, surprised. "Oh, ha ha! Very funny, Callen." The smile spread on her face, giving away the fact she was not upset at his comment. "Although I could eat now that you mention it."

Everyone laughed at her admission.

Gibbs chuckled. "Looks like we're getting food, DiNozzo. That should make you happy, too."

Tony had almost the same reaction to his boss' comment that Kensi did, which brought on another round of laughter.

Dr. Isaac assured them he would have someone call if the status of the detective changed while they were gone. They said goodbye to the doctor and followed Gibbs out.

* * *

><p>Sam drove them, following Gibbs and Dinozzo several blocks away from the hospital. They pulled in to a public parking lot and got out. Callen recognized where he was, having been here several times in the past. They weren't too far from the NCIS office at Navy Yard. Gibbs led the way as they walked down the street and around a corner.<p>

Kensi gasped when she looked up and saw where they were headed.

"Is this...?" she stopped walking, pointing to the space under a security camera she noticed mounted under the awning, a shocked look on her face.

The realization of where they were dawned on Sam and Callen a few seconds later.

Gibbs turned to them. "Yeah. This is where Detective Deeks saved that woman's life." He purposely avoided saying it was where Deeks was injured.

Kensi stood still, staring at the spot under the camera where her partner had fallen. His blood no longer stained the sidewalk, but there was an obvious spot where the concrete was cleaner than the surrounding area. A shiver ran down her spine.

Callen saw how it was affecting her. "Kens, you OK?" He asked gently.

She nodded her head slowly, looking up from the sidewalk. "Yeah, I'm... I'm good."

"We can go somewhere else if this is a problem." Gibbs offered, an understanding look on his face.

"No! It's... uh, it was just a shock. I'm OK now." Kensi insisted. "Besides, if this is the best food, who am I to say we go somewhere else?" She smiled, making a joke about her appetite since her partner was not there to do it.

Gibbs cracked a smile and nodded before turning and continuing towards the entrance. The others followed, all of them sharing a laugh now that the tension filled moment had passed.

* * *

><p>The five of them shared stories as they waited for their food to arrive. Tony asked several questions about Deeks since he, too, at one time had been a detective. He was impressed at the level to which Detective Deeks was able to conduct himself. Even though he had taken a few courses and done some focused training, Deeks had not made the leap to become a full-fledged agent.<p>

To hear the LA team tell it, though, it was a minor technicality. Deeks could hang with the best of them when it mattered. His undercover prowess was legendary. Gibbs assumed that in itself was what caught Henrietta Lange's attention, given the type of work the OSP did.

Their food finally showed up. Gibbs had gotten a steak while Callen ordered a big, greasy cheeseburger. Callen looked at his partner's dish with disdain.

"What the hell is that?" he asked sarcastically. "You know what? Never mind, I don't wanna know."

Sam glared at him and then looked at the dripping pile on Callen's plate. "Good luck with _that_. I hope you choke on it." Sam shot back at him.

Kensi was going to order a burger, as well, but then Tony had mentioned the pizza was to die for. They decided to share a large pepperoni with extra cheese. When the waitress sat it down in front of them, her eyes lit up. Not being bashful at all, she immediately grabbed a slice.

"Oh my gosh, this is sooo good!" she exclaimed around a mouthful of the gooey mix of cheese and pizza dough.

Tony grinned at her, a smear of pizza sauce on his lips. "What did I tell ya?" He reached across the table, high-fiving the female agent.

She pointed at him. "Good call!"

In no time at all, Tony and Kensi had devoured the whole pizza. If there was one thing the two had in common, it was their voracious appetites. The other three were still working on the food on their plates.

Sam glanced at the empty pizza pan and then at the two culprits who made it disappear.

"Seriously? You two should enter an eating contest, you'd win it hands down." He shook his head, disgusted - and yet inexplicably amused - at what he had just witnessed.

Kensi and Tony shared a look, and then both let out satisfied belches. They started laughing and high-fived again.

Callen had a smirk on his face, amused at the behavior exhibited by the two agents. Gibbs tried to hide his smile but failed.

Sam pointed at the pair. "I don't even know you right now."

After they all had finished their meals, they continued to chat. When the subject of a certain shaggy haired detective came up again, Gibbs asked a question that caught the three from LA off guard.

"Why was it so hard for you to accept Deeks at first?"

_**TBC**_

_**Author's note: Thanks goes again to bookdiva for helping bring this chapter to life. All mistakes are mine. And thanks to everyone else for reading and reviewing...homegrownoregano, RhondaLara, andirememberu, kaaw, Jammie13, bookdiva, ilovemyjeep, ReadtoRelax, 974lk, fanficforyou, love-nenne, and Hoosier65.  
><strong>_


	18. Chapter 18

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA or NCIS, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 18**

Gibbs looked at them, waiting for one of them to answer. Noticing how solemn they all had become, he continued, "Come on Callen, you even mentioned earlier that it took you some time to figure out Hetty was right about adding him to your team."

Tony's smile faded when he realized his boss' question just put an end to the good time they had been having.

"Talk about a buzzkill," he said under his breath. When he caught Gibbs staring at him he cringed. "Sorry boss!"

Kensi just stared at her empty plate, hoping Callen or Sam would say something first.

Eventually Callen broke the awkward silence. "That's a very good question, Jethro. I don't have a good answer. I think we all had our own reasons." He took a glimpse around the table, focusing on Sam and Kensi. "We were still dealing with the disappearance of Dom when we first met Deeks. Dom was Kensi's partner. After the first case we worked with Deeks, the one where Sam went in as an MMA fighter, we had one more come up he worked with us. In fact, it was his connections he had made previously while undercover for LAPD that actually broke that case for us." Callen chuckled. "It was also the first time he kept me from getting shot." Gibbs smiled at that.

Callen looked at Gibbs and shrugged. Realizing Kensi and Sam weren't going to comment yet, he continued, "After that case, he went back to LAPD for a long term op. Shortly after that we found Dom. We tried to get him out and almost did. He took a bullet for Sam. He didn't make it."

Gibbs just listened, continuing to keep his gaze focused on Callen. He could see that Sam and Kensi both were getting restless out of the corner of his eye.

Callen started up again, "Hetty was approached by LAPD when Deeks went dark on the op he had left us for. This was the case where we helped Deeks take down the human-trafficking ring and the dirty cop. It was also when his partner, Jess Traynor, was murdered." Callen paused, taking a moment to glance at his teammates, neither of which would meet his gaze. He looked back to Gibbs.

"Speaking for myself here, it's not that I didn't accept Deeks. He had already proven himself to me the first couple times we worked with him. It wasn't that he wasn't capable. It was his personality that I had a problem with. We take our jobs seriously. We have to or we die. I think it was a combination of that and still dealing with losing Dom. Everything was a joke to Deeks. I focused too much on that, not realizing that that was what made him so good at what he did, which was primarily undercover work. He downplayed his skill level, making people underestimate him. For me, it made it hard to trust him as a teammate. Eventually I got used to his ways. I knew if Kensi was comfortable with him to have her back that he was doing something right, even if he did drive her crazy most of the time."

Again Gibbs smiled, nodding his head gently. He shot a glance at Kensi to see how she reacted to Callen's comment. She had slumped in her chair and continued to stare at her plate, shredding her napkin nervously.

"What about you, Agent Hanna?" Gibbs challenged the former Navy SEAL.

Sam had kept quiet up to this point. He knew he had judged Deeks and hadn't accepted him until Sidorov. At the same time, he took offense of Gibbs putting the three of them on the spot like this. "We're really gonna do this?" Sam shot back to the former Marine, shaking his head. "Why are you so interested in how we treated Deeks? You looking for ammunition to get him to leave us and come work for you? Is that it?" Sam deflected, clearly irritated with Special Agent Gibbs.

Kensi's head shot up at Sam's remark. She straightened up in her seat and started paying closer attention.

Gibbs chuckled, never taking his eyes off Sam's, and continued in the same calm tone, "I don't need ammunition, Hanna. It's a simple question. There is no ulterior motive or intent behind it."

"You want an answer from me? I'll tell you just like I told Deeks when we had this same conversation."

This really got Kensi's attention. She didn't know Sam and Deeks had had this discussion. Her partner had never mentioned it.

"I'm straight up military. Deeks is a cop. He's loud, he takes nothing seriously and he looks like a damn bum. I told him that. So yeah, he called me out for questioning his character. Everything he did went against what I had been taught and trained." Sam looked at Callen and then turned to Kensi before looking back at Gibbs.

"What happened to bring up that talk?" Gibbs was curious, as were Callen and Kensi.

Sam took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Deeks and I had gotten paired up. It was the Sidorov case. I was pissed Hetty stuck me with him. He was joking around like usual. There was so much on the line. Nukes. My wife. My wife was working that op with us. I questioned Deeks' character, and later... on that same damn op we..." Sam stopped for a moment, gathering his emotions. "He saved my life. Sidorov knocked me out and pushed me in a pool. I would have drowned if he hadn't gotten me out. Then... then he suffered through something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Sidorov tried breaking me - and when he couldn't, he said he should have started with Deeks, since he was the weak one."

As Kensi listened to Sam tell the story she realized there were some things she had not been aware of. Tears began welling up and she fought to keep them from spilling. She could tell Sam was having trouble keeping his emotions in check, as well, a side of him she had never seen before. Kensi had pushed Deeks that day, too, right before what Sam was talking about happened. She had been riding him for days about his communication skills and she was still upset about the whole undercover thing with Monica. Guilt rose up in her. She understood now why Deeks had never said anything to her about it. To say that that had been a dark period for Deeks was an understatement.

Sam took a breath again, then continued, "Sidorov and his goon questioned Deeks. They were relentless. Deeks was strapped to a chair. At first they just slapped him around a bit. Deeks kept egging them on, you know, because that's what he does. They started really beating on him and he just kept being a smart ass, he wouldn't give them anything." Sam grimaced, tilting his head to the side and back again.

"That's when they got serious and they... they pried his mouth open with this metal brace and threatened him with a drill. I thought he was going to break then. I saw the look in his eyes, the fear. He quit joking, but he still wouldn't tell them if my wife was an agent. After they quit taunting him with the drill and actually used it on him, he eventually passed out. They would wake him back up and start drilling again. Finally they stopped. By then I couldn't hear what Deeks was saying because, because of the... the damage... At the time, I didn't know if they had broke him or if they just gave up."

Remembering what her partner looked like when she found him, after hearing that last part about what he went through for Sam and his wife, it was more than she could handle. She knew it was bad, what Sidorov had done to him, but she didn't know the details. She felt like she was going to be sick when she heard that they kept waking him up and drilling his mouth repeatedly. Kensi jumped up and ran from the table. Gibbs turned to DiNozzo and cocked his head slightly in the direction she had gone. Tony glanced at Sam and Callen, giving them a look that said 'I'm sorry' as he got up to go check on her.

Sam dropped his head. "He didn't have to do that. After what I said to him, he could have just as easily told them what they wanted to know. But he didn't, and I'll owe him for the rest of my life for what he did for me. I told him _that_, too - and I admitted to him my judging of him was a mistake." Sam made a point of telling Gibbs he had made his peace with the detective.

Callen was affected by Sam's story, too. As close as the two were, Sam had never shared that with him. He reached out and patted his friend's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

Gibbs sat there for a few moments, contemplating what the agent had revealed to him.

"That's where you're wrong about Marty, Agent Hanna. He _did _have to do it, because that _is_ who he is."

* * *

><p>Tony hurried after Agent Blye. He headed for the restrooms, assuming that is where she went. Stopping outside the door to the women's room, he listened intently. On the other side he could hear Kensi gag as her stomach gave up the recently devoured pizza. He wrinkled his nose at the sound and shivered, leaning back against the wall to wait for her to come out.<p>

As he stood there he wondered what Gibbs was angling for by asking them about Deeks. Maybe he was just trying to prove a point? But about what? One never knew what went on in that mind of the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He figured it best just to forget it. If Gibbs wanted him to know, he would tell him. He chuckled to himself, actually smiling.

The door opened and out came a rather ill looking Agent Blye. When Kensi saw Agent DiNozzo standing there she smiled weakly at him.

"Hey. You OK?" Tony asked, genuinely concerned.

She nodded slowly, "Yeah, thanks."

"Sorry about my boss. Sometimes he gets a little crazy with the questions." Tony graciously offered his apology.

"I noticed. I'm glad he asked that, though. I learned things I uh, I never knew about the... you know, the Sidorov case. Kinda wish I still didn't know about some of it," she admitted, looking away from him quickly. Tony knew she was referring to the details of her partner's torture. It freaked him out thinking about it, too.

"Your partner doesn't look the part, but he's pretty tough, isn't he?"

She smiled proudly then and nodded energetically, "Yes, he is. He is stronger than he gives himself credit for. He's...uh, he's pretty amazing." As soon as she said it, she looked up with wide eyes and caught the smile on Tony's face. "If you tell him I said that I will kick your ass, Agent DiNozzo." She warned him. He knew she was only kidding by the smirk on her face and the blush coloring her cheeks.

"Your secret is safe with me," he pretended to zip his mouth shut.

She chuckled at his remark but then her look turned serious. She redirected her gaze away from him, sighing.

"_You_ probably should really tell him, though." Tony said quietly.

She spun back around to look at him. "What?"

"DiNozzo, let's go! Abby needs us back at the lab!" Gibbs hollered at him from the end of the hall that led back out to the dining area.

He looked at Kensi apologetically, pointing down the hall to an impatient Gibbs. "Gotta go, Agent Blye." Tony ran after Gibbs. "Coming, boss!"

* * *

><p>Callen glanced over his shoulder to Kensi in the backseat before looking at his partner, who was driving them back to the hospital.<p>

"What do you suppose that was all about?" Callen finally asked Sam.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know, G." Sam took a peek at Kensi in the rearview mirror and then glimpsed at Callen, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Kensi was pretending to not pay attention. Truth was she was on full alert. She hadn't forgotten that she felt her teammates were holding something back from her. She believed Sam's remark about Gibbs looking for reasons to get Deeks to leave them was valid. She knew they knew something and vowed she would find out.

* * *

><p>Deeks had been resting comfortably for several hours now. His vitals were good. Dr. Isaac had come back to check on him and decided they could move him back to his room. He accompanied the nurse and an orderly to help transfer him. Once they got him settled in his room, the nurse asked where the patient's friends were. The doctor explained that they had gone out to get a bite to eat and that he had told them Detective Deeks wouldn't be back in his room until later that afternoon. He didn't figure they would be back yet. It was still early afternoon.<p>

"What if the detective has another episode and tries to leave his room?" The nurse asked curiously.

Dr. Isaac thought for a moment. "Stay with him until one of them comes back, just in case." Dr. Isaac directed. He and the orderly left, leaving the resting patient in the care of the nurse.

Almost 90 minutes later the nurse received a call on her hospital issued phone. Someone just down the hall needed help with their patient. After telling her co-worker she would be right down, she stopped for a moment. She turned to the sleeping detective and studied his face. He showed no signs of waking so she considered just running down the hall, helping and coming right back. Surely he wouldn't wake that quickly and be able to slip away again, would he? She sighed heavily. Nope, better safe than sorry, she thought. She pulled the wrist restraints out of the supply cabinet at the back of the room. She slipped them around his wrists and attached them to the bed. Quickly she ran out of his room as her phone rang again.

* * *

><p>Sam's words played over and over in his head. 'Kensi is safe. You did good, Deeks.'<p>

He was so happy to hear that his partner was safe. After what felt like the hundredth time those words went through his mind, it finally hit him - Sam had complimented him. What? Where did that come from? Sam never said anything encouraging to him. It was rare that any of them did. On occasion his partner would pay him a compliment, but in an offhanded, sarcastic way.

His mind went off on another trip down memory lane as he thought about his partner. From the early days when they drove each other mad, neither trusting the other. Gradually they went from basically hating working with each other to tolerating their partnership. Over the years they went from partners to friends, then best friends. Eventually they both realized they were so much more than partners and best friends. Wait a minute, he thought... Years? Had it really been years?

Scenes from different cases started playing out in his head at a dizzying clip; looking for clues, interviewing witnesses, more than partners, interrogations, car chases, shootouts, best friends, explosions, a kiss on top of a hill...

The kiss.

Holy shit, he thought, I kissed her - and then she took off after Michelle. Michelle? Oh God... Sam!

_Hetty, Sam's in trouble. I'm going in! _

He sees Sam sitting in the other room strapped to a chair. Oh, man...are they, are they really going to do that to him? That is not cool. He watches as Sam's body reacts to the electricity passing through him.

After a while, Sidorov says something to Sam and then looks at Deeks. The detective takes a deep breath, knowing that whatever they wanted, they assumed it would have to come from him. Sam wasn't going to give up his wife. Deeks just wished Sam had more faith in him because he had no intention of giving her up, either.

He tries to lift his arms to ward off the metal contraption the man is placing in his mouth, but his wrists are bound. It's then that he notices he's strapped in a chair, too. When he sees the drill and realizes the guy is really going to use it, he apologizes to Kensi.

He's almost certain he won't make it out of this alive.

* * *

><p>They had returned to the hospital, parked the car and walked inside. The three of them stepped out of the elevator and walked slowly towards Deeks' room on the third floor. It had been nearly six hours since they left. They hadn't made it far when a bloodcurdling scream echoed down the hall towards them. Sam took off on a dead run.<p>

"Deeks!" Sam hollered as he left Callen and Kensi behind. He had heard that scream before and knew exactly what was happening.

They looked at each other, confused, but then another scream pierced the quiet hallway and Kensi realized it was her partner. She took off after Sam with Callen right behind.

_**TBC**_

**_Author's note: Thanks again for reading and reviewing. More on the way... _**


	19. Chapter 19

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: LA or NCIS, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 19**

Kensi paused when she got to the doorway. Callen almost ran her over, not expecting the sudden stop. She moved over and let Callen slide in next to her. Neither one could believe what they were seeing. Deeks was attempting to sit up in bed, his face contorted in pain, his eyes wide open.

Sam was at Deeks' side furiously working to remove the wrist restraints holding Kensi's partner to his bed. Deeks was holding his mouth open, and when the third scream came flying out of it she realized he was going through his torture again. The pain evident in his shriek made the hair on the back of her neck stand up and sent a shiver down her spine.

Sam was talking to Deeks in a gentle voice, telling him he was alright now and it was just a dream. Sam freed the second restraint and noticed Kensi just standing there, tears now running freely down her face.

"Kensi, help me with him. Come on!" Sam cried out to her. She was surprised to see tears in the big man's eyes, as well.

Callen stood motionless, stunned. Unlike Sam, who had witnessed Deeks' torture firsthand, and Kensi, who found them in their tortured state - Callen hadn't seen or heard any of it, only the aftermath. Even though this time around it was a dream, there was no blood and no electrocution, it didn't make it any less powerful. Seeing how this was affecting Deeks and Sam, hearing the detective's agonizing screams of pain, the guilt he felt from that op came rushing back and it was staggering.

Kensi ran to Deeks' right side and took his hand in hers. He was still moaning. She didn't know what to say, so she started rubbing small circles on the back of his hand, trying to calm him. His whole body shook.

Sam was on the left side of the detective, sitting on the edge of his bed. He had his arm around his friend's shoulder, supporting him.

Deeks looked at Sam. "I didn't give her up. I didn't give her up," he said in a defeated voice as he slumped against him.

Sam spun around on the side of the bed and wrapped Deeks in a hug, cradling his head gently against his shoulder. "I know. It's OK, I know." Sam rocked the man slowly back and forth. "I'm so sorry." Sam whispered as he held the broken detective, "I'm so sorry, Deeks."

Kensi looked up at Callen, who still stood across the room. His gaze met Kensi's. His eyes were moist, too, and wide in surprise. He shook his head slowly from side to side as he took in the scene before them.

Sam continued to hold Deeks. Any other time there would have been much teasing about the way Sam and Deeks looked sitting there together. This was no time for joking. At the moment Deeks was just a shell of the man he once was - and Sam was not much better off. The conversation Gibbs had provoked earlier about this very incident, only to come back to the hospital and find Deeks reliving it, had broke something loose in the big man. Kensi and Callen looked on in awe while the big former SEAL held their teammate like a child as a single tear slid down his cheek.

* * *

><p>His eyes grew wide in fright as the man powered up the drill and moved it slowly towards Deeks' pried open mouth.<p>

_"What are you doing? No!"_

At first he felt the bit chatter against his teeth. But then, as the man forced it to take hold and actually do its job, the most excruciating pain radiated out from the point where the bit punched through tooth and bone, into the nerves. Deeks heard a desperate scream, only to realize it was coming from him. The smell caused by the drill boring through his teeth was overwhelming and blood, along with pieces of tooth and flesh, filled his mouth. The bit was pulled free and he was hopeful the man was going to stop. No sooner than the drill had been pulled away that it was brought forward again, in a new spot. Deeks couldn't help his reaction as another scream launched itself from his now devastated mouth. Everything went black.

Deeks heard a familiar voice, but instead of the sarcastic tone it usually held when directed at him, this was calming and reassuring. He felt someone messing with his wrists and realized he had been found. Someone was freeing him.

It was Sam!

Wait...how did Sam get away? He was just sitting in the room across from him strapped to a chair, too. It was so confusing. Now it looked like he was in a hospital, and it was Sam getting him out of that chair, not Kensi. No, wait! There's his partner.

Kensi! You gotta cut me loose. Get me outta here. But it was Sam letting him loose, and he was in a bed. Something is not right. Kensi is just standing there, crying. And then she was at his side taking his hand in hers.

He had to let Sam know Michelle's cover wasn't blown. He owed him that much. Sam was so worried that Sidorov was playing her. He looked to Sam then. "I didn't give her up. I didn't give her up." All the strength he had mustered left him, and he felt Sam wrap him up and support him when his muscles gave out. With Sam's calm voice soothing him and the gentle rocking further relaxing him, he drifted back to sleep.

As the pain of his torture faded, a new round of memories took its place.

* * *

><p>Sam felt the detective's body relax against him and realized he had either fallen back to sleep or lost consciousness. After a few moments he slowly and carefully leaned his friend back on his pillow. He quickly wiped the tear off his face and then turned to Kensi and Callen. Before he could say anything to them, a nurse came running back in to Deeks' room.<p>

"Is Mr. Deeks alright?" She wondered, a concerned look on her face.

Sam took a step towards the woman. "Who the hell thought restraining him would be a good idea?" Sam questioned her, loudly.

She jumped, a surprised look on her face at the outburst from the large man. "I, I, uh...it was me. I'm sorry! I had been sitting with him and I got called down the hall. We didn't want him to disa..."

"I don't care what you had to do! This man has been... He was strapped to a chair and some...very not nice things were done to him. What were you thinking? You don't restrain him!" Sam was losing control quickly.

The nurse was terrified and looked like she would break into tears at any second.

Callen grabbed his partner and pulled him past the nurse. Sam glared at the woman as he went by. "Sam, you need to calm down. It's OK. Come on, partner. Let's go for a walk." Callen needed a moment to get his own thoughts in order, as well.

Callen looked to Kensi and nodded towards the nurse. Kensi was still trying to get her emotions under control, but she knew Callen needed her to stay with Deeks and smooth things over with the nurse. She nodded back as she wiped her own tears from her face.

The nurse looked at Kensi. "I'm so sorry about your friend. I didn't want..."

"It's alright," Kensi cut her off, "we are federal agents. Those two were tortured together. They were bound in chairs. You didn't know." Kensi tried to comfort the nurse.

"Well, I'm still very sorry!"

Kensi tried to smile at her. "Thank you. I'll be staying with Deeks now if you need to do something else," hoping the nurse would take the hint she was being dismissed. She did.

The nurse nodded gratefully at Kensi, then turned and left the room.

* * *

><p>"You want to talk about it?" Callen offered his partner as they made their way down the hall. He had never seen Sam act this way, so he was careful not to force the issue.<p>

Sam took a deep breath and looked at Callen. "Deeks and I went through hell on that op. He withstood things that he had no training for nor any understanding of how to deal with. I gave him so much shit. Why, G? Why was it so hard for me to see the kind of man he was?"

"Is, Sam. Is." Callen pointed out. "How did you know that was Deeks when we came off the elevator?" He tried to change the direction the conversation was taking.

Sam reached out and stopped Callen, looking him in the eye, "He sounded just like he did when it happened for real." Sam shook his head slowly, "I had nightmares about that for weeks. Not about what happened to me, but what they did to him. I'll never forget the sound of his screams, G. Never."

"Did you tell Nate that?" Callen pressed on.

Sam glared at his partner. "Seriously? Did you tell Nate how you struggled with the guilt over that op? Did you even have to talk to Nate about that op?"

"That's not the point, Sam." Callen insisted.

"No? Then what is? Please, enlighten me." Sam was getting riled up again with this line of questioning by his partner.

"Hey, no need to get all defensive on me here. I'm just making sure you're good, that's all." Callen admitted.

After a long pause Sam finally nodded his head. "Yeah, G. I'm good."

The nurse Sam had yelled at saw the two men standing in the hallway. She hurriedly turned to go the other way but Sam saw her and ran to catch the woman. He reached out and grabbed her arm.

She turned to see who stopped her and nearly cried out when she saw who it was. She had a terrified look on her face.

Sam realized she was scared and he held his hands up. "Ma'am, don't be scared. I came to apologize for my behavior. I know you were just doing your job. I'm sorry."

She took a deep breath and a small smile crept onto her face. "Thank you. And I'm sorry, too," she offered, relief filling her.

Sam nodded and smiled back.

* * *

><p>Deeks remembers sitting on the beach, Nate talking with him. He remembers his partner showing up one night with food and beer, ignoring the fact he had kept declining her calls.<p>

He returns to work, only to have Callen question his presence. He'll never forget, even though he played it cool, how he felt when Kensi told him she had missed him on that first day back. It was a rare admission on her part of her true feelings for him - and even though she tried to explain her enthusiasm for his return away, he knew better.

The more relaxed he became, the quicker the memories came back, flooding his mind at lightning speed. More bad guys, nights on the couch, shootouts, more than partners, tacos, that one night...

Faster and faster the memories come now, it's almost like some kind of psychedelic Willy Wonka boat ride on steroids.

Frozen lakes. The Gurkha. _Take your time._ Believe the hype. _She will wait for you._

_"Promise me that you'll be patient with me."_

_"Your partner has been reassigned."_

His partner is gone. Kensi is gone.

_"We're going to Afghanistan." _

The picture. The exchange.

Jack.

_"We're going home."_

Boxes, knives, racoons, three hearts. Getting their groove back. Talia. Kensi. Boatshed.

The sub. Sam and Callen are alive! Sleeping on the couch, movies and takeout. Someone is after Hetty. Partners? A mole. Best friends. Sam is not a murderer. Callen and Joelle.

Their thing.

I can't lose you.

Mammoth.

"My name is Kelly, you must be mistaking me for somebody else." Another punch. Hetty. A flight with James. DC. Abby and the shelter. Gibbs. Director Vance.

Kensi.

"I love you, Deeks."

"Please Deeks, give us a chance to work this out...please."

His flight was canceled. A dinner with Abby and the team. A pregnant woman. A man with a knife. The hospital. Gibbs telling him Callen, Sam and his partner are there for him. A doctor asking him why he is in DC working with Gibbs. The whirlwind of thoughts and memories stop.

Silence.

"Kensi!" Deeks yells for his partner in his sleep.

He felt someone holding his right hand, their fingers intertwined with his. Then he heard his partner's voice gently reassuring him.

"I'm here, Deeks. I'm not going anywhere."

"Kensi?" He opened his eyes and there she was.

_**TBC**_

_**Author's note: Thanks to homegrownoregano, ReadtoRelax, bookdiva, BlackBear53, ilovemyjeep, felixgi, 974lk, andirememberu, fanficforyou, and Hoosier65 for the reviews. And thanks to anyone else who is reading along.**_


	20. Chapter 20

**Season of Change**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing, just borrowing my favorite characters.**

**Chapter 20**

Callen was feeling better now that he and Sam had talked. After sharing the intense moment with Deeks, he sensed his friend was, too. He felt safe enough to pick at Sam a little to lighten the mood further.

"That was very nice of you, partner. Feeling a little guilty for scaring the nice nurse?" Callen said with a smirk on his face.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "What can I say, I was an ass to her. It was the right thing to do," he defended himself.

"Right you are, Sam. Come on, let's go see how Kensi is holding up." Callen patted Sam on the shoulder as they headed back to the detective's room.

They approached the door. Callen caught sight of Kensi holding Deeks' hand through the window. Deeks was clearly still asleep, but she was completely focused on him. He looked over his shoulder to Sam, who was now taking in the scene on the other side of the door.

"Let's give her some time, G." Sam insisted, cocking his head back towards the way they came.

Callen nodded his approval at Sam's suggestion and they both turned and headed back down the hall. Not a minute later, their teammate woke up yelling for his partner.

* * *

><p>"It's me, Deeks," she said softly as his eyes fell on hers.<p>

"What are... what are you doing here?" He looked away from her then. Seeing the controls for his bed next to him, he adjusted it so he was sitting up slightly.

She swallowed the lump in her throat his tone of voice had caused to grow there. "I'm, I'm here... for you," she barely whispered.

He blew out a breath, wincing at the pain this caused in both his head and his chest. He looked Kensi in the eye again, and then to their conjoined hands.

"Why?" He asked without feeling, returning his gaze to her.

She shook her head to the side once, confused. "Why what, Deeks?" She wondered, trying to understand his question. Why wouldn't he understand that she would be there for him?

"I remember why I'm here," he said flatly.

It was her turn to look away. She was hoping they could deal with the thing that brought him here to DC later, once he was better and back home. She just wanted to be here for him with no interruptions, no distractions - just to give support and let him know she had his back. To make sure he was going to be OK. She was only kidding herself, though.

They could have officially been a couple now. They could have just come off a long weekend spent together over Christmas. It would have undoubtedly been the best Christmas ever, for either of them. Now she was left wondering if they could ever go back - to reset to where they had been just five short days ago, to give their badly bruised 'thing' another go.

Again she wanted to kick herself for falling victim to her own fears, for messing things up.

"Deeks, I..."

Before Kensi could say anything more, the door to her partner's room burst open and Dr. Isaac walked swiftly in. Kensi released her hold on Deeks' hand. It tore her heart out at how quickly he pulled it away.

The doctor glanced at Kensi quickly and then back to his patient, "Detective Deeks, I see you're awake again. How are you feeling?"

Deeks didn't answer right away, sneaking a furtive glance at his partner. "I'm uh... I'm good," he replied weakly, pursing his lips and looking up at the doctor.

"Agent Blye, can you give us a moment?" Dr. Isaac requested.

"Oh, sure," she acknowledged awkwardly. "I'll just, um... I'll just go find Sam and Callen, let them know Deeks is awake," Kensi stood quickly. She looked at Deeks, but he wouldn't meet her gaze. She turned to the doctor and gave him a curt smile, then slowly moved towards the door. With a last glance over her shoulder towards her partner, she left the room.

* * *

><p>"Now, how are you really feeling, detective?" Dr. Isaac demanded now that the female agent was gone.<p>

Deeks met the doctor's inquisitive stare. "Um, I'm sore, obviously. I feel very tired - but I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes all my memories come out to play."

The doctor nodded. "And how much have you remembered since yesterday?"

"I, uh... I don't remember yesterday," he chuckled.

Dr. Isaac smiled at the detective's comment. "Let's try this then, how much do you remember right now? Do you know why you're here?"

Deeks swallowed hard, dropping his eyes to his hands. "Yeah, I do."

"Do you mind telling me?"

Deeks sighed, "I came to DC to clear my head," he chuckled at the irony. "My partner and I, we, uh... It's complicated. She made a choice about something. It blindsided me and I, uh... My boss offered to send me out here to keep my mind off of things back...um...back home. I was here working with Gibbs. I was supposed to fly home Sunday. My flight was canceled. I went to dinner with Abby. When we got to the restaurant, I...I saw this man threatening a woman with a knife. I don't remember what happened next, other than waking up in here."

The doctor nodded positively. "Good. That's correct. Do you know what day it is?"

Deeks thought for a moment. "Is this a test? Um... I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it's not Sunday anymore."

This brought a smile to the doctor's face. "No, no it's not. It is Tuesday, actually. Tuesday evening."

Deeks smiled. "Huh. Tuesday, wow," he shook his head slowly, very slowly.

"Do you want me to restrict who can visit you? You really should be getting rest, detective," Dr. Isaac scolded his patient.

Deeks glanced at the door and back to Dr. Isaac, appreciating the doctor's intention with his offer. He didn't want to cause him any stress. He took a breath and held it for a few moments, then exhaled slowly.

"Nah, it's fine, Doc. I can handle it. If I get too tired I'll just let myself fall asleep." Deeks grinned.

"Actually I'm not worried about the sleep so much as I am the tension, to be honest," Dr. Isaac clarified.

"Yeah, no. I knew what you meant. It's all good." Deeks insisted, smiling.

"Well then, I'll leave you alone. If you need anything just hit that call button. Anything," the doctor raised his eyebrows, emphasizing his point.

"Got it. Thanks. Hey, Doc?" Deeks called out before Dr. Isaac could leave.

"Yes?"

"I uh, I could eat something. I just realized I'm starving." Deeks decided.

Dr. Isaac smiled again. "I'll make sure they bring you something, but I don't want you eating a bunch right away," he nodded as he turned to leave.

"In that case, Doc, they have any green jello here?" Deeks asked with a childish grin on his face.

A small chuckle escaped the doctor's mouth as he turned back and nodded once. "I hear we have the best green jello on the east coast, detective."

Deeks' eyes lit up and his smile grew. "Good to know, Doc. Good to know."

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam sat in a waiting room halfway across the hospital from Deeks' room. It was empty and it gave the two time to sit and relax. Callen was just about to say something to Sam when he noticed Kensi coming down the hall towards them.<p>

"Everything OK, Kens?" Callen asked worriedly.

Kensi plopped down in the chair next to him and sighed. "Yeah. Deeks is awake again," she advised them, her voice shaky.

"So what are you doing here with us?" Sam replied, a curious look on his face.

"Dr. Isaac came in right after we tal...right after he woke up and asked if I'd give them some time to talk," she tried to cover her first statement, hoping the guys would let it go.

Sam glanced at Callen quickly. They both knew immediately she was going to say something else at first but changed her mind. Obviously she was upset about it.

Sam pressed her for an answer. "You talked with Deeks, didn't you, Kensi? What did he say?"

Kensi wouldn't look at either of them.

"Come on, Kens. We know you're upset about something," Callen insisted.

After a short pause, she blew out a breath and sat up straight. "He remembers why he is here. He asked why I am here and he, uh..." she couldn't finish the sentence.

"He what, Kensi?" Sam pushed her impatiently.

Kensi dropped her gaze to the floor. She took a deep breath then and looked up, "He'll barely look at me, and his, um...his tone of voice," her own voice was on the verge of breaking, "he's never spoken to me in that tone before. So cold and unfeeling. It...uh, it hurts, you know? It kills me that I did that to him," she shook her head slowly, slouching back in her chair and staring at her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"Hey, listen to me, Kens," Callen reached out and rubbed her shoulder in a comforting gesture, waiting for her to look at him. When she finally met his stare he continued, "Deeks will come around. You know better than anyone he will come back from this and move on," realizing as soon as he said it that it was the wrong thing to say. It was not what he meant, but it was too late to take it back.

Kensi's eyes grew wide with shock. "Exactly, Callen! What if he moves on?"

He shook his head vehemently, "That came out wrong, Kens. That is not what I meant and you know it," he tried to cover his misstep.

"Uh uh, Callen. You guys are hiding something from me. Spill it," she glared at the two men she considered to be her brothers.

He glimpsed at Sam and caught the worried look on his partner's face. If Gibbs wasn't messing with them, Deeks very well could be moving on - not just from Kensi, but all of them. Sooner or later they were going to have to let her know that it was a distinct possibility.

Sam shrugged and nodded his head once, letting Callen know they were on the same page. There is no time like the present, better to pull the bandage off quickly and get it over with.

"Look, Kens," Callen began, "we're not sure of anything right now, but Gibbs-" He was cut off by the ringing of her phone.

She pulled it out of her pocket quickly and saw that it was an unfamiliar number. "Hello, this is Agent Blye." Kensi answered, trying to sound cheerful. Her eyebrows shot up at the voice on the other end of the call.

Sam and Callen watched closely, anxious to find out what the call was about. It was a short conversation.

"Sure. Uh, OK?" She nodded, a skeptical look clouding her features. "Right now? No, that's fine. I'll uh, I'll be right down," she ended the call and looked at both her teammates.

"Who was that?" Sam inquired, wondering who would be requesting Kensi's presence downstairs.

"That was Gibbs. He's sitting out front. He wants to talk to me about something," she explained, still surprised to have gotten a call from the man.

Callen looked on, his own face showing surprise. "What about?"

Kensi shook her head, "I don't know," she answered as she stood. "Guess I'm going to find out. He said he would bring me back here or drop me off at the hotel, depending on where you guys are later. I'll call you," she called over her shoulder as she headed for the elevator.

Sam and Callen looked at each other as Kensi disappeared down the hall.

"Saved by the bell?" Callen smirked.

Sam chuckled. "Maybe so, G. Maybe so. You think she'll ask him?"

Callen grinned. "She wouldn't be Kensi if she didn't."

Kensi stepped outside the main entrance, looking for the familiar dark blue Charger that Gibbs drove. Even though it was still somewhat early, being on the east coast and the middle of winter the sun had all but set. Gibbs flashed the lights. Spotting him, she nodded and walked towards the car. She pulled the door open and slid in.

* * *

><p>Callen glanced down the hall to see that Kensi was truly gone and then turned back to his partner.<p>

"What do you suppose Gibbs wants with her?"

Sam met Callen's questioning stare. "I don't know, G. Maybe he's gonna make her answer that stupid question he asked us earlier."

Callen smirked. "I hope he realizes Kensi will kick his ass if he pries too much."

Sam chuckled at that. "Yeah, well let's hope he doesn't. Now is not a good time to be grilling her about her partner."

"On that note, why don't we go see Deeks?" Callen suggested.

They walked back to Deeks' room, hoping to find him still awake. When they entered his room they looked at each other and shook their heads.

Deeks looked up to find his teammates grinning at him.

"What's so funny?" Deeks said around a mouthful of jello.

"How many of those are you gonna eat?" Sam nodded at the empty jello containers sitting in front of Deeks.

Deeks glanced down at the two now spotless cups and then to the third still in his hand. He looked up at Sam and shrugged, a smirk on his face.

"As many as I want. Nurse Sara likes me," Deeks proclaimed confidently.

"Uh huh, I'm sure she does, Deeks," Callen stated sarcastically. "Or maybe she's just trying to keep you quiet and she bribed you with green jello." Callen added, chuckling at the look on the detective's face.

"Mock me all you want, Callen. There are plenty of nurses here that would kill for some of this awesomeness," Deeks pointed at himself shamelessly, his trademark grin lighting his face as he stared at his friends.

Sam laughed out loud and turned to Callen. "Clearly he has suffered a head injury, G." Sam turned back to Deeks, smiling at the detective and winking.

"You wound me, Sam," he smiled back, enjoying the quick banter with them both. It felt good, normal.

He glanced beyond them to the door quickly, then back to the two standing before him. Both of them caught his wondering gaze.

"Where's -" Deeks started.

"She's with Gibbs," Sam spoke at the same time as the detective.

Deeks chuckled. "Well look at that, reading my mind now are you, Sam?"

Sam smirked and nodded his head, not taking the verbal shot at the detective that he had just left himself open for.

"How are you, Deeks?" Callen asked, his tone letting the detective know he was being serious.

Deeks cocked his head slowly to the side and back, looking at Callen and blinking. "Wow. OK, right down to business, then," he sat his jello cup and spoon down, then sighed. "I'm good," he said calmly, the humor gone from his voice now, too.

"I'm not kidding, Deeks," Callen stressed the point.

"I'm not, either - all things considered," Deeks insisted.

Sam looked at Deeks but didn't say anything. Deeks caught the look and returned it, challenging him.

"So you and Kensi are cool? Nothing going on there we need to know about? And before you answer, she did tell me what happened," Callen pushed back.

Sam peered at his partner, raising a brow in surprise before turning back to Deeks.

The detective drew in a slow breath, his eyes dancing between his two friends.

"If she told you what happened, why are you asking me if we're cool?" Deeks pressed his team leader.

Sam, sensing now was not the time to go down this road, tried to change the subject with another one that was just as touchy. "Are you leaving LA because of what happened?"

Deeks' eyes shot wide open as he stared at Sam. "Why, uh...why would you ask that?"

Sam and Callen shared a glance. Callen looked back to Deeks then. "Gibbs made a comment the other day about you making a great agent. Not that we don't agree, but is he trying to recruit you?"

Sam took a step closer. "Deeks, don't let Gibbs talk you in to leaving us. You make the team better. We need you. I know you and Kensi have some things to figure out, but she needs you, too. Don't make us have to tell her you're quitting," Sam said with sincerity.

Deeks sat there for a moment, staring at his hands. Finally he looked up and met their worried stares. "You won't have to tell her I'm quitting, Sam. Gibbs wants her, too."

_**TBC**_


End file.
